- Date posted
- 25w
ROCD
What if I really don’t like my partner? What if I’m gaslighting myself into thinking that my intuition could be OCD? What if we’re just not meant to be? I’m so confused
What if I really don’t like my partner? What if I’m gaslighting myself into thinking that my intuition could be OCD? What if we’re just not meant to be? I’m so confused
Maybe it is OCD, maybe it’s not. What would it look like for you to sit in that uncertainty?
@Anonymous It’s awful
@56Heal78 Totally understandable. I’m feeling the same way right now
Literally what I’m going through right now.
@BreannaDanae How long have you been feeling like this?
@56Heal78 I’ve been with my partner for almost 6 years and I started having these feelings almost 4 years ago and it still scares me and wants me to break up with her a lot bc of how uncertain I am but then what if I ruin everything
You’re not alone, going through the exact same thing right now
@Chronicoverthinker How do you go about it?
@56Heal78 Honestly, I’m not proud of how I’ve been handling it. I’ve been super sporadic about whether or not I truly want to be with him or if am just afraid to let go, and am constantly fixating on our differences and whether or not he’s truly a good match for me. It also doesn’t help that my friends and family are not very supportive of the relationship, because my overanalyzing has obviously been causing me a lot of distress, and they just see it as his fault—granted he hasn’t been perfect either in the past, but we have grown a lot together and I have been self sabotaging from day 1, so it’s extremely difficult to tell what I truly want. I saw that you actually commented on one of my older posts, and your advice was to lean into the anxiety and uncertainty rather than trying to push it away—so that is what I am trying to do, but it is very difficult as I have an obsession about wasting time and put a lot of pressure on myself to make the “right” decision
@Chronicoverthinker But my best advice as someone who doesn’t even know if she’s experiencing ocd or not, would be to give the relationship a chance without letting your anxiety and doubts guide you…only then can you truly know what you want and what’s best for you. Try getting to the root of your fears…ask “and then” questions about what will happen if they come true. If you can identify your fears it can help you make decisions guided by your values but I get how much easier said it is than done
Someone who knows it isn’t the right relationship will generally let go without any hesitation or worry or panic if their intuition was guiding them they would be at peace with the decision
@521mullax This is so good
@521mullax Is it possible to have moments where you feel at peace with the decision and then go back to second guessing? I have a really hard time distinguishing between my intuition and my anxiety
@Chronicoverthinker There is no anxiety in intuition it is a thing of it’s own
@521mullax So could I be mistaking the two..because I’ve broken up with my partner in the past and was like wow I feel so at peace for like one night but then the anxiety came back second guessing my decision and we started talking again
@Chronicoverthinker And I really wanna stop messing w his head my rocd is really getting in the way and affects his mental but I also don’t want to make a decision I regret
@Chronicoverthinker Look at it this way if it was true. Would you regret leaving them and knowing you could never get them back because it was too late or would you regret trying and the failed?
@521mullax Knowing that I could never get them back would be the regret but then I get in my head like you’re just attached and will get over them you’re just settling blah blah blah like it’s an endless cycle
@Chronicoverthinker no matter what happens I will get over it and be okay at the end I just know that rn I have so much anxiety not knowing if this person is right for me and it’s so draining to sit with
@Chronicoverthinker You’ll never know if someone is right for you.
I am in a relatively new relationship (around 2 months) and it has been completely virtual due to varying circumstances. I have never been in a serious relationship before and my past “exes” have never been this serious or brought up any of these feelings. About a month in I started having tons of symptoms and thoughts I figured were due to an SSRI change (i eventually went back to my original med/dose) however, it has remained quite bad since. Thoughts include: -I don’t actually like my partner, I just like the feeling of being wanted -I have crushes on other people, including my partners friends who I barely know -I don’t feel butterflies so I must be losing feelings for him -I think he’s ugly/im just not attracted to him -I’m secretly a lesbian and I’m wasting his time by being with him -a general feeling of dread, wrongness, or needing out of the relationship -not being able to believe him when he reassures me about everything -all of the above is just my genuine feelings and I’m using ocd as an excuse These are obviously crazy things to think, however one of my biggest compulsions is confession and self sabotage so I have told my partner all of these things in detail. He’s really great and patient about all of it but I can tell it weighs on him. Hes even recently expressed feeling like it’s his fault and that he wonders if it wouldn’t be this bad if I was with someone else. I feel so miserable but i feel like I’d be miserable in any relationship but im scared that’s not the truth and my ocd isn’t real. When it’s good i feel the most romantic love for him I’ve ever felt toward anyone ever. He’s an incredible person but I just feel so alone and lost on what to do. I’ve literally tried to break up with him like five times and each time we’ve ended up wanting to stay together. I’m really really scared I’ll never get better or this is simply the wrong relationship for me.
Lately, I’ve been feeling extremely confused and guilty. My boyfriend has been really busy with exams, and we haven’t talked much this past week. I don’t really feel like I miss him, and that scares me. It makes me think maybe I don’t love him anymore, maybe I’ve changed, and maybe this relationship doesn’t feel right for me anymore. A few days ago, a friend invited me to go to a club with her and another girl. I know that if I went without my boyfriend, he would feel bad — not because he’s controlling, but because in our relationship, we’ve always had mutual boundaries and respect. I decided not to go, but ever since, I’ve been spiraling. My thoughts keep going: “What if I didn’t go just because of him?”, “What if I actually wanted to go, but I stopped myself because I don’t really love him?”, “What if I’m holding myself back and this relationship is limiting me?” All of this makes me think I’m bored, that I don’t like him anymore, or that I’m staying out of habit. It’s hard to tell what I really want or whether these thoughts are part of ROCD or some deeper truth. I keep wondering if I’m just attached to him because he’s my first boyfriend and we’ve been together for so long. Sometimes I even think I wouldn’t care if we broke up, and that I don’t feel anything for him anymore — and that absolutely destroys me, because he’s such a good person who truly loves me. He doesn’t deserve to be treated with so much doubt and coldness. I feel miserable. I don’t know what’s real and what’s just obsession. It hurts that I can’t feel any clarity or peace. I just want to know if this is ROCD or if I’m in denial and refusing to accept the truth
Right now I feel like I’ve realized something awful. Like maybe… I never truly loved my boyfriend. Maybe in the beginning I was just excited to be in a relationship. Maybe I confused that excitement with real love. And when the intrusive thoughts started, maybe it wasn’t ROCD — maybe it was the truth hitting me. I write this and it feels real. That’s the scariest part. It feels calm and clear and like maybe I’ve just been lying to myself all along, holding on because I “should,” not because I truly want to. I can’t remember how it felt to love him — and that makes it worse. I feel so disconnected, so numb, like nothing makes sense anymore. Every time I try to feel something for him, it feels like I’m faking it. Like I’m playing a role, not being myself. But the thing is… I’m not at peace. If this was really the truth, why does it hurt so much? Why does this “realization” come with panic, guilt, emptiness, and so much fear? I don’t want to hurt him. I don’t want to lose him. But I also don’t want to keep living like this — doubting myself, my feelings, and my past. I feel like I’m stuck in a cycle I can’t break, and I’m scared I’ll always feel this way. Has anyone ever felt like this before?
Share your thoughts so the Community can respond