Just a vent,,,,

Lately I’ve been feeling obsessive compulsive sick. (It’s my way of saying that my mental illness is making me feel unwell) I hear whispers to be honest, telling me to do awful things to others and myself. They tell me how horrible everything is, they yell and scream at me, and tell me violent harmful things. Sometimes they plead for help, other times they try to lure me in to believing them, and worse of them, they threaten me. They have a gun pointed to my head and laugh at me, saying “I should’ve known you always been such a worthless piece of shit, hahaha, kill yourself you scum of the earth.” The voices are scary, but they are just voices, but they are still scary. Sometimes I want to see if they are true, but then it backfires. I am so gullible to the thoughts and believe them without warning, but when it comes to me, I am stubborn and headfast. I follow my rules, eventually breaking them out of fear. Sometimes, people can’t take it anymore, and fall. They fall off of buildings, bridges and their chairs. The voices over power them and then, they are gone. We are survivors of our own mind. We are programmed to live, but are forced by our own mind to fear itself. What a horrible fate that we are responsible for dealing with. A illness that has the same caliber has a physical one because both end with one thing: death. Death of our values, our health, and our actual life. Treat it seriously, it’s a mental illness for a reason.

Anonymous

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 22w

I think you did a great job of capturing how mental health issues like OCD take your values and try to ruin them for you. It can be really scary and exhausting to feel like your mind is actively sabotaging you. I only realized recently that I have Harm OCD issue, where my mind imagines the things I want the very least. I try to use some stuff from internal family systems, to understand why my mind is working the way it does, and to try and develop more self-compassion. The voices we hear, whether they’re OCD, psychosis, or anxiety related, can be hard not to listen to, especially when they’re so ever-present. I hope you find the help you need. I know for myself, going through therapy and understanding my diagnoses, and talking with a medication manager really helped me. I am someone who struggles with taking medications because I fear dependence on them, but getting help can be needed at times, and it’s been really helpful. I am starting to understand that whatever I think or imagine can be okay. I can try my best to take each day at a time and live for the present. I have found acceptance and commitment therapy to be really helpful for that. It focuses on accepting the parts of our life that we can’t avoid that cause suffering. Everyone experiences suffering in some capacity, and there’s many things outside of our control (the vast majority of our thoughts, emotions, and situations, the people around us, etc). We can accept that and try to drop the struggle, try to let go of avoidance, distraction, and live life with mindful purpose and present moment awareness. By addressing our fears, like with ERP, we take away the power that our mind has over us by getting through the fear, rather than just trying to avoid or get over it. I really hope, whoever you are, that you find joy, contentedness, self-acceptance, and growth in your life. You, just like every human being, are deserving of baseline respect and dignity. Our minds and our experiences often teach many of us to live with deep shame. I hope you find ways to challenge your inner critic, to challenge OCD, and to accept that you are not your thoughts. You deserve to live, you are inherently a worthy thing, if all life is sacred. When I notice that I’m being self-critical or reacting to my OCD, I try to ask myself questions about the evidence of my thoughts. I ask myself what the evidence of that thought is, and what’s the evidence against it. We can learn to question our inner critic, and accept that it is saying a thought, but it doesn’t have to have all the power over us. If you’re ever really struggling, and you feel alone, 988 is a resource available 24/7 that provides crisis counseling by call, text, or their online chat. I wish you the very best!

Emilia<3

Date posted: 22w

@Anonymous Thank you I really appreciate hearing this

learningtore...

Date posted: 23w

a quietly loud vent about ocd join in if you need

venting cause im tired of this: sorry for yelling it’s for emphasis, HAVE ANY OF MY FREAKOUTS CAUSED BY OCD ACTUALLY HELPED ME?? PROBABLY NOT? (no seriously they havnt this is exposure therapy now I ain’t reassuring myself) HAVE THEY MADE ME SLEEP DEPRIVED? YES HAVE THEY MADE MY HANDS CRACK AND BLEED FOR YEARS? YES (ouch currently can’t even move my hands without them cracking open) HAVE THEY MADE ME TAKE WAY TO MANY SHOWERS TO THE POINT MY HAIR IS LIKE STRAW? YES HAVE THEY MADE ME LOST WITHIN MY SELF AND RUIN RELATIONSHIPS? YES :( HAVE THEY MADE ME AVOID AREAS OF MY NICE HOME? YES (double sucks cause i only moved late last year) legit in the last couple of months i thought i had could have tetanus, insecticide poisoning, mould in my hair and bed, that somehow bleach and alcohol or ammonia got mixed and i made a toxic gas (I don’t even own bleach etc) thrown out towels and clothes and so so much more. just wtf is ocd, why? Why does it do this?? Surely people without ocd are just wondering what they’ll have for lunch or something?? NOT OMG ITS GOT MOULD ITS SPREAD EVERYWHERE. I’m so tired, just want to live life without being terrified all the time. Please join in with what you’re over with when it comes to OCD, it’s good to vent sometimes.

Generiname

Date posted: 22w

Not in a good place

My OCD wants to kill me. I have been crying to the point of nausea and the idea of carrying this disorder for the rest of my life has put my body in a state of fight or flight for well over 5 years. I’m exhausted, I’m tired, no one messages me because all I talk about is my OCD because that IS my day, week, month etc. I’m a struggling alcoholic because of this fucking disorder and it’s too much, I want to drink so bad but I know I’ll mess with my medication in a pretty scary way. But at this point I’m starting to not care. I’m scared and it feels like a bad dream where no one understands what I’m going through. Sorry for the word dump, I need to vent here because at least you guys get it.

Whit.D25

Date posted: 22w

1st post-What my OCD experience feels like. Pt1 Ig

I’ve come to a point in my life where I can be very happy. I have a safe environment, a loving community. Yknow I’ve really healed through or moved on from a traumatic past and as I say to my boyfriend from time to time like a broken record: I feel like nowadays the only thing bringing me stress or at times misery is myself. I am a fairly joyful person, when I’m comfortable I’m very goofy and like to sing dance and have fun. I find that I relate to so many amazing people I meet that are the nicest, most fun, elevating individuals, who also struggle with the hardest sometime debilitating things. It truly sucks because when I find those moments of peace I see the power of what an ocd mind could be as a person. We are people who may over analyze, but I myself also always find the good in people. And aye if in a moment I don’t think anything is doomly wrong and if I don’t try to understand it I may parish 😅 then that moment feels like the best one in the world. But on the other side of that when I’m not in a quiet mind moment and I’m left with myself to take control of what life in front of me looks like in or around me. I almost have been crumbling. Like I said at the beginning of this story here, the life around me is not so situationally stressful. And it’s also fairly simple. My boyfriend and I live together in a small cozy trailer with our two cats, he works full time very hard and I work part time where I spend as much time as I can working and then have a few days around the house. We’re saving for a home and are quite content with our lifestyle at the moment with work and being “lazy”, or resting and going out for fun now an then on our time off together. Most times though I do have day or two off during the week by myself, which usually goes one of only two ways. Like I said before I do like to work hard, especially now that I have a part time job that’s fairly easier than others I’ve had in the past. So I work 6-7 hours then drive home, air up my tires and wash my car sometimes because I like doing something after work while I still have energy.Or I go to the store. Come home make food, prolly nap and not really worry about too much because I’ve worked all day. But on my days off. I find myself waking up with a lot of anxiety. I usually fight it off by going back to sleep. But my OCD is heavily circled around shame. Even though I only sleep in till 10-11, 12-1 at the latest. I find myself thinking about how wrong (in nice terms) it is to do that. And the funny thing is the older I get (I’m a 21F). I’m not as pressured by this thought, even though it’s still stressful it literally just feels like a thought I can’t escape from. To put things in simple terms. I truly psycho analyze my actions breath by breath and my intrusive thoughts are critiquing those actions bit by bit. I’ve recently have started medication and it was a tremendous difference in the beginning and it helped me cope with the acceptance and letting go (f it or just care less) of those thoughts. But let’s say I forget to take it, or I wake up one morning by myself all day and I’m super tired or unmotivated. That day will feel truly debilitated. And now I’m definitely to the point where I’m battling that, but also have a thin vale behind that where I now know what is going on. And the thoughts are shameful for “not trying to get better or be better” Because I do Like I write a lot, and it truly is one of the best coping mechanisms for working through intrusive or obsessive compulsions. I could also write all day, and if I don’t listen to that ease of the anxiety from writing. And try to keep going the writing will turn into a compulsion itself I feel like I should not stop or critique it as well. But luckily I’ll hopefully find my place in explaining the cycle of what I do when my brain is very loud about things. The next time it’s too loud:)

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Just a vent,,,,

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