A win for today!

@Deborah Ward Thank you! Could I seek some support about something please?

@Anony1314 - Hey there! Absolutely. What questions do you have?

@Deborah Ward Hey! So I dealt with something a couple weeks ago that's caused me DEBILITATING anxiety. I just want to know if this follows the OCD pattern. I talked with my therapist and she confused me. Just say if follows along the OCD pattern or not. I don't need reassurance per se! My daughter was laying across me and every time I breathed a certain way I was getting a groinal sensation. I kept breathing like that anyways (ugh idk why), and then my mind told me I had hurt her that I might as well do something else to hurt because what's more. So idk why or what overcame me other than the thought of doing it because my mind told me I had hurt her already ("my mind literally made me question what to do and I guess the only thing I could come up with was using my elbow) and causing another feeling but it came across my mind to elbow her, and I elbowed her crotch or side/thigh area. Which caused another very unwanted groinal sensation. Then I began FREAKING smooth out. And I've been stressing since. I feel like as a mom I don't deserve to be hers anymore. I was doing SO well! Is this really the POCD I was diagnosed with?

@Anony1314 That could follow an OCD pattern. Does your therapist specialize in OCD and have you engaged in ERP?

@Deborah Ward Yes she is, and yes I have. I've been diagnosed with POCD.

@Deborah Ward Does this sound like POCD to you?

@Anony1314 It definitely could be. If you’ve done as assessment with your therapist, I would trust their judgement and let them know what’s been going on for you! It’s very normal to be questioning whether things are OCD or not, the thoughts/urges can be so real. This is one of OCD’s tricks though to keep you stuck in the cycle.

@Deborah Ward Thank you. She said it wasn't OCD, but then said I have to remember I have POCD and that it's a mental disorder. So idk what she meant by all that. She said I needed to breathe. Not sure what she meant by that.

@Deborah Ward Because I'm so debilitated, I just thought it was a sign it's my OCD. Idk I just feel like a complete monster.

@Anony1314 If you’re ever unsure about something your therapist says, it’s totally okay to let them know! This way they can explain it to you in a different way or ask follow up questions to be able to help you better. Your therapy is for you, so it’s important that you understand what is going on 🙂

@Deborah Ward Thank you! I know I can't and am not supposed to seek reassurance, but did I do anything wrong with that situation? Does it make me not deserve my daughter?

@Anony1314 I can see why this is causing you so much anxiety. It is clear that you care about your daughter and these thoughts/urges are making you question that. OCD loves to latch onto the people and things that we care about the most (which is why it’s able to stick around so much). I see why you want reassurance here, and I just want you to know that I see the struggle you are having to endure with this. Unfortunately, I truly do not know you, your daughter, or your treatment to be able to answer any of those questions. The answers I give would only serve to provide reassurance and end up feeding your OCD more (making it stronger or bigger). I believe in you and in your treatment though! It’s hard, but you’ve got this🙂Remember why you are choosing to sit with the uncertainty and keep resisting your compulsions. It’s how we can fight back against OCD and eventually be free from it!

@Deborah Ward Thank you so much... so you can't tell me if this is OCD or not? Because you don't know me? Or primarily because of seeking reassurance feeds the OCD? Sorry for all the questions.

@Anony1314 It’s okay! A couple of things: First, we don’t provide diagnosis over community chats. I only diagnose clients after meeting with them and completing our assessments and gaining all the necessary information. Secondly, we really try to not provide reassurance because it does feed the OCD. Seeking reassurance is one of the most common compulsions that I see, so I want to make sure that I avoid feeding OCD as much as possible in the community.

@Deborah Ward Thank you so much. I'm sorry for all the comments under my thread to you. I just really feel guilt and shame from this situation. I just want to be able to feel like a normal mom and not a monster, and this OCD has caused me so many issues. I understand. Thanks for being supportive anyways.

@Deborah Ward And I have been diagnosed with POCD through NOCD, but I just didn't know if this sounded like a true OCD episode or not

@Anony1314 I totally understand! As a rule of thumb: if you find yourself wondering at length if a random, distressing thought/urges is obsessive or not, it probably is. People don’t tend to sit around and ponder whether an intentional or enjoyable thought is somehow “wrong” or means something about their core identity.

@Deborah Ward Thank you so much!! I appreciate you taking your time to comment. I really do.

@Anony1314 You’re very welcome! I’m sorry I can’t give you that 100% certainty about things, but I strongly encourage you to bring up some of these questions/concerns with your therapist! Make sure to let them know if something they say doesn’t make sense to you or causes you more fear/anxiety. They are there to help you and be a support🙂

@Deborah Ward It's okay. I understand why!! Thank you so much for what you did support me with though!