developing fear of being a narcissist?

recently ive been worrying that im ''secretly'' a narcissist and that im accidentally hurting all of my friends. it really doesnt help that i do relate a bit to some narcisstic traits like having an unstable ego/''needing'' validation, although i suspect it comes from a different source for me (like OCD, maybe?). it also hurts because ive been trying to understand more stigmatized disorders like NPD more and learning more about them so that i don't add to the demonization, but i feel like doing so has also instilled the fear into me that im accidentally harming people i care about or that im not actually a ''good person'' like how i like to think of myself

Tireddd

Date posted: 21w

I had similar worries in the past, think that having a need for validation or attention is not necessarily NPD, i think that comes when you already have too much difficulty on being self-aware, and you hurt and trample people indiscriminately, even intentionally, simply because you feel like you are entitled to it, there are other issues such as BPD that also have an excessive need for attention due to fear of abandonment, the reason NPD has the reputation it does and the difference with other issues is because it's hard for someone like that to seek help or even think they need it in the first place. I would be surprised if you had harm/morality OCD and NPD at the same time, i also doubt like you sometimes about my character or if i lack empathy because of things from my past or behaviors, I have also been very much about seeking attention, but i also recognize that i have the neurotic component, i'm very self-aware and although i have done things that i deeply regret the things in my head are more focused on self-deprecation and the anxiety, It's true that I've read things that have caused me stress, such as the case of vulnerable or covert NPD, where one says: "Oh no, maybe that's who i am." But i doubt very much that even they would be so bothered at an OCD level by the possibility of being one, i mean, the core definition of narcissists is that they don't have that level of self-awareness or conflict about how they are, no matter how they present themselves.

Im not good ...

Date posted: 21w

thank you i think its a bit different for me, because most of my want for praise/validation is because i tend to get stuck in a cycle of asking my friends if im being a bad friend and wanting reassurance that im not and then also trying to ''prove'' to myself that people still like me, because i tend to catastrophize and think that one mistake or bad interaction is going to make everyone hate me. to me it definitely sounds more like OCD than NPD but there's still that fear there, plus, how am i supposed to know my friends are telling the truth when they say they still like me or when they say that im not actually doing anything to hurt them? what if im just in denial or my friends are just too nice to say anything? stuff like that. i feel like there *must* be something im doing wrong at all times and if people say that im fine then i feel like they are lying. im extremely afraid of losing my friends or any of my connections with anyone, especially if it winds up being my fault, so i try to be near perfect but just end up annoying my friends with my OCD tendencies (for reference, these are behaviors i have noticed in myself and also behaviors i have already started working on, but i feel as though part of me is still ruminating on when i wasn't as stable and didn't have my behavior as under control yet and i worry that my friends look at me differently now after that)

eyeashadow

Date posted: 19w

I cannot explain how much I understand… I have been trapped in the most horrific OCD loop for literally four years now after my psyche nearly collapsed from someone telling me that I’m a narcissist, and everyone in my life secretly hates me. My most recent Therapist said definitively many times that I’m definitely not and I kept arguing that there’s truth to it. The guy who did this four years ago, Max, some describe him as a narcissist, and say that he launched a smear campaign on me. I could explain way more about this if this is interesting or helpful to you, let me know. 🩷

Anonymous

Date posted: 24w

Where is there no ocd?

I was doing some research and saw about the narcissistic traits that OCD can create. Is this after the person knows they have OCD? Because I always knew I had it. But it was the classic one, with little quirks. Years later I developed false memory and intrusive thoughts whit my present theme. I was reading this because I was thinking about attraction. And I think I'm only attracted to two people in this life. But I remember from times by I had the feeling to please people. Without any interest and without even having the intention to do it, it was very automatic. So I was constantly focusing on how I was apparently being. I never acted like I was interested, but it was always like I was dealing with people's focuses. To tell you the truth, I've noticed that I do this even in other social interactions. I feel like I'm being watched all the time and so I have to act the way I'd like to be seen, like a sweet and delicate person. To be honest, I thought it had to do with my childhood issues because I was very careless and that got me bullied a lot when I was little kid. So I thought I was super focused on my appearance because of that. And I thought that the agaradar came as a consequence precisely because I was always seen as a grotesque girl because I took little care of myself. I even remember that the compliment that made me happiest was when someone said I was delicate. It made sense to me that it really was that. But after researching more, I realized that there are a lot of impulsive and repetitive things in my actions. And never with any intention. But in a very strange way. So much so that when I was younger I swore that I had some kind of personality disorder because it was very common to act one way one day and another way the next day. Maybe I was just an unstable teenager? Thank u for the help!

littlecreek24

Date posted: 22w

Compulsion vs ERP

I'm thinking of trying some ERP on my own while I wait for treatment, but I'm having some trouble knowing what is a compulsion and what would be good exposure. For example, I have huge fears of being a narcissist and/or a generally bad person. So whenever I watch a movie or read something that has an evil character in it I automatically compare myself to that character and stress over if I'm like that person. A couple of things I do when this happens is Google other people's experiences, seek reassurance, rumination, etc. Sometimes I'll also google different symptoms of narcissism, freak out over things that I relate to, then get relief over things I don't. So my confusion is, would researching people who have narcissism be an exposure, or a compulsion since it's something I sometimes do during a spiral? Or, would the exposure be watching movies/living life hearing these stories, and refraining from the spiral of rumination and no Googling at all?

Summ3r_

Date posted: 6w

ocd and being a covert narcissist

I’ve had off and on fears and thoughts of being a narcissist but at this point it doesn’t feel like a fear anymore it feels true and it feels like it all makes sense the more I learn about narcissism. I’ve even put the label on myself and have been monitoring all my social interacts and motivations. I don’t know if telling myself I’m a narcissist causes me to act more narcissistic either. I have some specific examples and factors to talk about that might be too long to post, so if I can talk about them to anyone on here I’d appreciate it 😭🙏

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developing fear of being a narcissist?

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