It sounds like you're experiencing a lot of distress around these feelings of guilt, even though you're confident you haven't done anything wrong. This is actually quite common in cases of Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD), particularly the type of OCD called relationship OCD (ROCD), which can involve intrusive thoughts about being unfaithful or doing something wrong, even when there’s no evidence or logical reason for it.
What you're describing — feeling the urge to confess something you haven’t done — is often part of obsessive doubt that’s common with OCD. These intrusive thoughts can be incredibly distressing, and the compulsion to confess, even when you’ve been completely loyal, can provide temporary relief from the anxiety these thoughts bring, but unfortunately, it usually strengthens the cycle of anxiety and doubt in the long run.
Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) is a key treatment for OCD. In ERP, we aim to expose you to the very thoughts or situations that trigger your anxiety (in this case, the intrusive thoughts about cheating), and instead of engaging in the compulsion to confess, we practice resisting that urge. This helps to retrain your brain and break the cycle of anxiety.
Here are some steps that might help you manage these thoughts:
Acknowledge the thought without acting on it: When the urge to confess comes up, remind yourself that it's just an intrusive thought — it's not reflective of reality. Acknowledge the thought without engaging with it (i.e., don’t start justifying or analyzing it). You can say something like, "This is just an OCD thought," and allow it to pass naturally.
Resist the compulsion to confess: Confessing, even if it feels like it will bring relief, only strengthens the cycle. It reinforces the idea that these intrusive thoughts are valid. Instead, practice not giving in to the urge. It might feel uncomfortable, but resisting will gradually reduce the power of these thoughts over time.
Reality check: Remind yourself of the facts: You haven’t done anything wrong. You’ve been loyal and open in your relationship. These are the truths that can help ground you when the intrusive thoughts try to convince you otherwise.
Exposure: One way to practice ERP is to gradually expose yourself to the feelings or situations that trigger these thoughts (for example, talking to someone of the opposite gender in a casual context), and instead of seeking reassurance or confessing, you let the discomfort be there without trying to reduce it immediately. Over time, the anxiety will decrease.
Self-compassion: Be kind to yourself. OCD is a challenging condition, and you’re not doing anything wrong by having these thoughts — they’re just that: thoughts. It’s important to practice self-compassion and understand that these thoughts don’t define you or your actions.
