Intrusive feelings: someone insights?

I would love to have some insight in this in general I deal with thoughts but for me it is the feelings that make ocd this difficult The feeling of disgust for my partner, the feeling of wanting the content of the thoughts , the feeling that this is the real me , the feeling that i am lying to myself and my partner, the loss of attraction,... Because when i write it like that ,that that these are feelings, it seems very much that i am just in drnial and i am bi but i cant love men anymore, or that i am not attracted to my bf and so on

Cakefacekilla

Date posted: 21w

I have the same issue in my relationship you’re not alone. I don’t have much advice but maybe me relating can help! Been a bit on and off with my boyfriend but I go in waves of how I feel. It’s hard when you’re told growing up “you’ll know when you meet the right one” when truly I don’t trust myself with knowing anything, at least with how I truly feel/ think. But I am trying to remind myself that it’s the ocd casting this shadow of doubt. I still love him despite at times having moments where I’m over “it” and questioning the relationship. There are times I feel guilt for not wanting sex or to even simply be nice. And even wondering if there is someone better out there. Although I know I do love him, I just have to remind myself that when I find myself in the weaker headspace’s. I have also dated another man over the summer and I felt the same way as you- for a month questioned if I was a lesbian (I have only ever kissed a woman). I stayed with him until that thought loop had quieted down and then did realize I did not like that man at all and got back with my ex(the one above). Give yourself time, there’s no rush. I understand the feeling of being completely uninterested and grossed out though. I know it’s hard especially if they’re really great and you feel guilt, or confusion. End of the day it’s also okay to just not be that into someone. I was told by a therapist about two years ago I had OCD but didn’t want to look into it I assumed it was mild (just a thought loop that has persisted since I was a child) although I have now realized just how deep it truly goes.

Mags2002

Date posted: 21w

Thank you for your message ! I have been having ocd for Almost 5 years , diagnosed this year , i have been in and out relationships with men , always breaking it off because i really think i am gay, i have been in happy good relationships with men when i was a teenager so i know i do like men but ocd has been so confusing for me , i dated girls ( not seriously) but as i had ocd in that period as well it stays weird and hard , i love my bf dearly and i just want to do the right thing but i dont want to make dicisions when i am in the ocd haze so i already learned that

puppylover

Date posted: 21w

@Mags2002 I can relate to everything you said. U know u like men so u know u really can love ur bf. That’s how I think about it. Sometimes tho my mind tells me I don’t even like men even though I’ve done a lot with them and enjoyed it. Sometimes if I’m thinking these thoughts tho, I won’t enjoy it as much. And then it makes me question it more. Idk it’s just really annoying. My mind always is telling me I like this girl and then after I get rid of that it’s another girl. And then anytime I see a pretty girl my brain is like I wanna do stuff with her. It’s honestly all very annoying. And I agree whenever I speak my peace to myself I always feel in denial. But seeing other people experience the same makes me feel better

Mags2002

Date posted: 21w

@puppylover I have very similar feelings it is just i dont mind if i am lesbian let me be that than clearly but that is just not the case , i have liked men in the past i am sure

geodrimilis

Date posted: 21w

I relate to that I have hocd and sometimes I find it really difficult to get aroused by an attractive girls but other times is really easy. I don’t know what’s the cause of it but when I experience it I feel like there’s a big weight on me. Maybe it’s because my mind is making me so focused on guys trying to figure out if I’m into them to a level that it blocks my natural attraction. I don’t know

Mags2002

Date posted: 25w

I am struggling a lot and can use some support

Important: i am trying to not look for affirmation For a few years now i have been having ocd , i did not get the official diagnosis but my therapist did the official test and it came to like mild ocd ( only not official because i have not and dont want to go to the psychiatrist because i dont want médication and i want to be sure that it is not internalised homophobia also) I have also struggled with pocd for a few months but soocd and rocd are the ones that stay always I have been in a relationship for Almost a year and as in my previous relationships my doubts and personal problems create me to feel weird about my bf, being irritable, not able to enjoy or being unhappy I also do think i can be bi or am bi , i am still questioning I have so many intrusive thoughts and when i for exemple do not fzel like kissing my bf on the lipstick i image it with a girl and it feels like i would want it then or i would be happiee but i also dont want it I am scared that it is internalised homophobia and not ocd and that i dont like men I feel very confused and sad and blocked in my life I feel like if i break up i will be in a relationship with a woman but it makes me sad because that is not what i want ( but you can also be gay and not wanting it) I am so sorry ,i feel so confused and dont know what to do sometimes , i just want to do the right thing for me and my partner Can someone relate or have some support I feel lonely with these feelings

ocdinglehopper

Date posted: 24w

intrusive feelings

hey, so i’ve had these insane thoughts about like, this dude. and i assumed it’s intrusive feelings, but it also has happened w the fact o think i like girls? but i don’t? like, i get the gronal response, and everything, and like, it sometimes feels like i actually like them, but it always makes me sick? same way w the false attraction guy, and it even started happening w my bsf of like 9 years? and it’ll tell me the most insane things like “maybe u are attracted” “maybe if u got w them the thoughts will stop” someone please help.

rosie_rosie

Date posted: 17w

So I’m really scared that I won’t be able to differentiate my thoughts, real thoughts, to the intrusive ones.

So pretty much I’ve been dealing with intrusive thoughts my entire life, I had no idea could’ve been symptom of OCD until maybe a year ago , I have this fear right now that I don’t actually love my fiancé and I’m not attracted to men. I am attracted to men. Let me be clear. I’m not attracted to females. I never have been and I never will be. But it’s one of the scariest thoughts I’ve ever had that I don’t actually care about the person that I would sacrifice anything for that I would do anything for. He’s pretty much the closest family that I have and I just wanna be with him for the rest of my life. A couple months ago was that I just didn’t care at all, and I didn’t have any feelings and everything that I felt was me being fake in that nothing was real. But I eventually got over that and the new thought is that I’m actually gay even though I know I’m not. And in the world we live in now where it’s be yourself be you if it comes across your mind. That’s the obvious truth. Be yourself… It’s kind of scary to think about. I just want it to leave me alone. I’m actually so scared that eventually I’ll believe it because some thoughts that I’ve learned were intrusive. I ended up starting to believe and it turned into a whole catastrophe for my life. I met this girl and she felt a certain way about her husband and then she told me that eventually I’ll feel that way and ever since then I just I haven’t gotten over this fear that I’m gonna end up feeling the same way she is. Also, I recently got over a few themes. I’m not ready to share, but I’m so proud that I got over those and I just I’m waiting for this one to leave me alone and it’s not and I’m starting to get really scared that it’s true and I don’t want it to be true. and just to be very clear I don’t care who you love what you love who you like what you identify as because you can in fact be yourself but this just doesn’t feel like me. I’m genuinely reaching out to try to get help for this because now it’s messing with our personal life. We’ve never argued so much in our entire relationship and now I realize that it’s mainly my fault because I’m detaching myself from all emotion just so that I can get over this thought I’m detaching myself from all intimacy and that’s even scarier because what if it’s not me detaching myself and it’s me just not being attracted that’s another thought I’ve hadI’ve gone all long enough so thanks.

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Intrusive feelings: someone insights?

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