- Date posted
- 40w
- User type
- Therapist
- Date posted
- 40w
This sounds like what we call 'negative thinking styles', this one in particular likes to tangle with others (Personalizing, mind reading, control fallacies). It sounds like you are taking her behaviors as a reflection of you and your value, instead of understanding her behaviors are about what is going on in her life. If she is away at college, college can bring many transitions up and make things we normally do harder to do - depending on her experience at college. It is best to ask, "Hey, are we ok? I worry we are becoming distant and I value our friendship". We only know what people are thinking by asking them what they are thinking or feeling. Assuming your fears are her thoughts only make things harder on you as you begin to believe your fears are true in her head.
- Date posted
- 40w
If you want we can talk, I'm open to hear you out and be friends
- Date posted
- 40w
Communication goes a long way honestly. Communicate how you feel and hear the other person out for what's really happening on their end and not what you've assumed is happening. I also struggled with this but now I just talk, I really can't bottle it up ans with time it got better, I ended up not personalising everything anymore (I'm not saying that's what you're doing but it's definitely what I was doing) so yeah, I wish you all the best and you can do it, it gets easier with time and also watching videos on friendship helps for me and just seeing that the thoughts we have are not unique or anything wrong we just have them at a higher frequency and all
- User type
- Therapist
- Date posted
- 40w
I know I have had these same kinds of questions in the past..... What did I do? Why are they distant? Do they still want to be my friend? Have you ever noticed that no matter how much time you spend wondering....you can't really know for sure? I've learned to allow the uncomfortable uncertainty about all of this now. I do my best to be myself, be kind, and to be good friend. But, no matter how I behave, I can't really control how others respond to me. So, now I skip most of the wondering and try to move forward. Some of the people find their way back to me, some move on. I realize now I don't have control over others, just myself. It's possible they move on for reasons that have nothing to do with me. I can never be sure. So, I may wonder...but not for too long. I keep putting myself out there and some friends will stick and others don't. I'm ok with that now. Maybe you can be too?
- Date posted
- 40w
I’ll be you’re friend as well 🙂
- Date posted
- 40w
I sooooooooo hear you. I have been thinking a lot lately about the fact that I can't really bond with people. I think it's all OCD related. I am always worried that my friendships are not stable and that they are going to disappear at the slightest mistake that I make. I never feel secure in my relationships.
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