Jay222

Date posted: 33w

Do I have Bipolar Disorder?

Other than the supposed OCD, I also feel like I may have BPD, which wouldn’t be all that surprising considering the people that conceived me are undoubtedly OCD and BPD asf but I feel problematic to self diagnose. The symptoms are eerily relatable and on Reddit I’ve seen people with diagnosed BPD talking about a “favorite person” that they obsess over and rely on for their “happiness”. Perhaps that’s why when I gain overly obsessive and attached crushes on guys it’s legit ALL I can think about 24/7. Not just the positive dreamy stuff, but also the scary negative stuff that I start making outlandish conclusions about them. Is that a thing for people with BPD, where they dread that their favorite person will give them a reason to no longer be their favorite person? Other than that, my mood and state of mind is terribly unregulated. It’s like my emotions cloud any logic and reasoning (which I guess can also be the OCD) that only increases my anxiety and depression and rumination. Caffeine obviously makes it worse but before I get anxious asf I feel excited and happy. Not to mention my impulsivity. I make a lot of self destructive choices and always find myself regretting them, but I still keep making them. When I eat I have to have something terribly unhealthy, and then I start binge eating. I also have a spending problem but that was last year so I’ve kind of moved away from that. I also feel DEEPLY insecure and always do my best to escape and avoid reality for my own sanity. And when I make plans with my friends I always feel anxious that it won’t go as planned. There’s also something I noticed when I get in a depressive mood, I start fantasizing about how everyone around me would react to my death. Not because I want to see them in pain but i like to think about how they’d feel or won’t feel about my passing. There’s probably a lot more to me that screams BPD, but at the same time there’s a chance that maybe I’m reaching.

🖤BrokenChaos🖤

Date posted: 33w

BPD, 100%. Do you have rapid mood swings too?

Jay222

Date posted: 33w

@🖤SavageGirl🖤 I mean, I guess? It’s only when I’m stuck thinking a lot about certain things that upset me, sometimes I’ll be ok then boom something pops into my head that starts to either worry me or make me sad or angry and frustrated and I’d get stuck like that then after an hour or 2 I’m back to being ok.

🖤BrokenChaos🖤

Date posted: 33w

@Jay222 - Makes sense. Definitely sounds like BPD (I have it too)

Jay222

Date posted: 33w

@🖤SavageGirl🖤 Then again it could just be from my heightened sense of anxiety from all the coffee I drink.

🖤BrokenChaos🖤

Date posted: 33w

@Jay222 - How much?

Jay222

Date posted: 33w

@🖤SavageGirl🖤 Sometimes when I try to have SOME self control (which is probably another thing about BPD) I try to have one cup cause im well aware of how it messes with me). But other times I drink like two cups, but even with one it still puts me in a state of being “happy” and “excited” until my mind bumps into a negative thought or something that’s happened to me or what I’ve done in the past and it ends up ruining my mood and now I’m sad and anxious and frustrated.

🖤BrokenChaos🖤

Date posted: 33w

Hold on, let me send you the symptoms

🖤BrokenChaos🖤

Date posted: 33w

What is BPD? Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a mental health condition. People with BPD have extreme mood swings, unstable relationships and trouble controlling their emotions. They have a higher risk of suicide and self-destructive behavior. Many diagnosed with BPD feel suspicious about events in their lives. They struggle with suspicion and paranoia about the intentions of people around them. When stressed, they may lose touch with reality and become disassociated. What Causes BPD? Like any other psychological disorder, precise causes for BPD are difficult to pinpoint. Many experts agree that interactions among the environment, biology, and genetics can contribute to its development. While having any or a combination of these factors could result in the onset of BPD symptoms, this may not be the case for everyone. Conversely, a person may lack these risk factors and still develop BPD. Who does borderline personality disorder affect? Most personality disorders begin in the teen years when your personality further develops and matures. As a result, almost all people diagnosed with borderline personality disorder are above the age of 18. Although anyone can develop BPD, it’s more common if you have a family history of BPD. People with other mental health conditions, such as anxiety, depression, or eating disorders, are also at higher risk. Nearly 75% of people diagnosed with BPD are female. Research suggests that males may be equally affected by BPD. However, they may be misdiagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) or depression. Possible causes of borderline personality disorder include: Genetics: There is some evidence suggesting that BPD may be genetic. Someone with a close relative (like a parent or sibling) with this condition may be at a higher risk of developing BPD. Brain Anomalies: Several studies have linked brain anomalies with BPD. These revealed that variations in brain structure and function may account for symptoms like emotional instability and impulsiveness. Childhood Trauma: Many cases of BPD have been associated with childhood trauma. BPD sufferers have reported experiencing traumatic events during childhood, like physical, emotional, and sexual abuse, neglect, abandonment, etc. Unspoken signs of borderline personality disorder (BPD) include emotional numbness, chronic self-doubt, avoidance of conflict, internalized anger, and a deep fear of abandonment. These signs can be subtle and not immediately apparent but are important for understanding the condition. Another commonly observed behavior in individuals with BPD is oversharing, a tendency to divulge personal or sensitive information excessively. Fear of abandonment People with BPD may say they are afraid that people they care about will leave them. They may say they are scared to be alone, even when things are going well. They may say they are clingy or needy because they want to be close to people but are afraid of being rejected. Splitting People with BPD may rapidly switch between perceiving someone as "good" or "bad". They may idealize someone and then devalue them. Anger People with BPD may experience intense anger and have a short temper. They may lash out or make impulsive gestures when they feel insecure in a relationship. They may have difficulty controlling their anger and may engage in self-harm. Unrealistic expectations People with BPD may have unrealistic expectations of people. They may ask for lots of reassurance or test people's commitment. Impulsive behavior People with BPD may do things impulsively, such as driving recklessly, having unsafe sex, or binge drinking. A person with BPD can have various thoughts and feelings all at once and may find it difficult to express them. This can make it difficult for people to understand each other's feelings. One way to help is to acknowledge the person's feelings, emotions, and thoughts. Other Symptoms: Dissociative symptoms are a criterion of BPD; features may include 'psychotic-like symptoms (e.g., hallucinations, body-image distortions, ideas of reference, hypnagogic phenomena) during times of stress' and 'self-mutilation may occur during dissociative experiences.’ The amnesia — often referred to as dissociative fugue — associated with BPD refers to the feeling of losing time. Even though the individual is awake, they may be unable to recall where they were, who they were with, or what they were doing. This may include intense confusion. Psychological symptoms include subjective detachment from the own person (depersonalization) or the environment (derealization), which may be perceived as unreal, blurry, movie-like, or lacking significance. A rage or anger blackout is a period of intense anger during which an individual may lose awareness or memory of their actions. While not exclusive to BPD, these blackouts can be particularly distressing when they occur, leading to potential harm to oneself or others and damaging relationships.

Jay222

Date posted: 33w

@🖤SavageGirl🖤 I relate to SOME of the symptoms but not all, which is why I don’t necessarily self diagnose but i wouldn’t be surprised if one day I see a therapist and they officially diagnose me with it.

🖤BrokenChaos🖤

Date posted: 33w

@Jay222 - Why do you feel you have bipolar? Tell me all your symptoms. And those are just some of the symptoms, you don't have to have all of them.

🖤BrokenChaos🖤

Date posted: 33w

@Jay222 - BPD is borderline

Jay222

Date posted: 33w

@🖤SavageGirl🖤 It’s mostly the whole “favorite person” part of it all. When I gain crushes on guys it’s literally all I can think about. I become obsessive with them, in both a dreamy and dreadful way. I make romanticized ideations of them and find it hard to let it go. Also my deep insecurities, my need for detachment to reality (even though I feel well aware of it), how antisocial I can be (I just don’t get out much and when I do I’m usually ok but still feel anxious which feels like a universal thing), and I’m definitely a very emotional person but it also feels like I repress it and keep it internalized.

Jay222

Date posted: 33w

@🖤SavageGirl🖤 Also lack of self control and self destructive behavior, but I’m not really doing anything extremely harmful to myself or others so idk.

🖤BrokenChaos🖤

Date posted: 33w

@Jay222 - Ahhhhh, got it, hold on.... I think I know which type you may have.

🖤BrokenChaos🖤

Date posted: 33w

@Jay222 - 1. Discouraged Borderline (Quiet BPD) The discouraged borderline type, also referred to as high-functioning BPD or quiet BPD, includes a mixture of avoidance and dependence on others. People with discouraged BPD tend to be incredibly loyal and humble, but to a point where they may cling to others. Their identity depends heavily on their relationships, particularly romantic relationships. If a close relationship ends, those with discouraged BPD are often unable to cope and their whole world becomes destabilized. Their fear of abandonment can cause them to feel insecure, helpless, and doubtful. Additionally, discouraged borderlines tend to feel depressed and powerless.3 They lack motivation and agency and find small tasks to be insurmountable. As a result, they turn to others for support, often to the point of unhealthy dependence. These individuals also struggle to express anger as this conflicts with their self-image. Thus, they may turn their anger inward instead and engage in self-harm or suicide. People with the discouraged borderline type tend to be: Avoidant Depressed Hopeless Submissive Loyal Humble Helpless Vulnerable Clingy Codependent 2. Impulsive Borderline People with impulsive borderline personality disorder show a mixture of histrionic and antisocial traits. These individuals tend to be distracted and hyperactive and fail to think before taking action. Because of a lack of self-reflection, their behavior may cause harm to themselves or others. Their emotions are equally as chaotic as their behavior, as they are often easily agitated and irritable. Impulsive borderlines usually come from chaotic families that involve lots of drama. To stand out against the chaos, they had to be exciting, unpredictable, and dramatic. Some may have felt valued when they were praised for their attractiveness or masculinity, which can lead to seductive behavior and superficial relationships. Overall, their need for attention and stimulation can cause them to feel constantly anxious. People with the impulsive borderline type tend to be: Superficial Irritable Chaotic Easily annoyed Fearful Unreliable Easily distracted Seductive Charismatic Engaging Suicidal 3. Petulant Borderline The petulant borderline has a passive-aggressive personality style. Others may describe them as negative, demanding, stubborn, and impatient. They are often jealous of others’ happiness and resent depending on others. Some may report somatic disorders as a way of seeking attention. Petulant borderlines rarely had their needs met as children and felt insecure in relationships. They may have been mistreated, abused, or manipulated by caretakers. As adults, they may have episodes of feeling worthless, depressed, or guilty, and at other times become overwhelmed with irrational anger and borderline rage. When the episode is over, they are often remorseful and desperate to repair the damage done. People with the petulant borderline type tend to be: Pessimistic Unpredictable Defiant Impatient Irritable Stubborn Rebellious Cynical Resentful Easily offended 4. Self Destructive BPD Self-destructive borderlines show masochistic personality traits. They tend to direct their feelings inward, which can lead to engaging in dangerous or harmful behaviors toward themselves. While they desperately want to be independent, they fear it. This causes significant internal tension and conflict. These individuals tend to be sacrificial, conforming, and deferential in relationships with others. Because of extreme thoughts and emotions, they may become resentful, bitter, and feel unappreciated. This can lead to increased depression and tension, which is often directed inward, such as through self-harming or suicide attempts. People with the self-destructive borderline type tend to be: Moody Bitter Self-loathing Overly compliant Self-focused Directing anger inward Submissive Suicidal .

Jay222

Date posted: 33w

@🖤SavageGirl🖤 I definitely relate to a lot of those things even though my self doubt is making me question the loyal part lol

🖤BrokenChaos🖤

Date posted: 33w

@Jay222 - Which one do you feel you have? You can also have a combination of them.

Jay222

Date posted: 33w

@🖤SavageGirl🖤 And a lot of the other stuff I can say I relate to, but I can’t confidently say that I relate to ALL of it (at least I don’t think I do).

🖤BrokenChaos🖤

Date posted: 33w

@Jay222 - I cycle through all of them, although, mine is very severe.

Jay222

Date posted: 33w

@🖤SavageGirl🖤 A mixed bag of all of them I guess. Just not every single symptom listed.

Jay222

Date posted: 33w

@🖤SavageGirl🖤 I’m sorry :/

🖤BrokenChaos🖤

Date posted: 33w

@Jay222 - You don't have to! BPD is different for everyone.

🖤BrokenChaos🖤

Date posted: 33w

@Jay222 - It's no problem. <3

Jay222

Date posted: 33w

@🖤SavageGirl🖤 Thank you for giving me more insight and detail behind BPD, I guess (without self diagnosing) I potentially have it :/

🖤BrokenChaos🖤

Date posted: 33w

@Jay222 - You may. Tell me your symptoms.

Imsexybutimi...

Date posted: 22w

Do I have ocd

Hey, so idk if I have ocd, I would like to think I’m a very self aware person but I don’t wanna self diagnose at all, lmk what you guys think. So pretty much my whole life since I was young I remember having irrational fears im sure it was all trauma induced but when I was a kid I thought my father was poisoning me until I asked him, he started crying and was so shocked that I could ever even think that, my parents broke up when I was legit fresh out the womb, mom worked two jobs and disciplined me, dad let me do whatever on the weekends and got me snacks so I was obsessed with him so obsessed that it was mandatory for me to kiss his picture 20x everyday before school. Growing up I always felt followed by cameras or like someone out there was recording me waiting for me to do something embarrassing to expose me in front of the whole world and my life was over 🤣🤣 I thought my abusive ex bf was stalking me through my I phone camera after we broke up and it would truly stress me out, it made me believe that it was the reason he never reached out again bc I probably looked ugly in the camera he was stalking me through. If I fall out with a friend Ill over analyze everything to see if I did anything wrong and god forbid while I’m self reflecting I realize I did something wrong I feel like an evil person, verbatim the people I fall out with is bc they’ve done me wrong in some way and it has to b something hurtful or repeated mistakes for me to really stay away for good, so I’ll beat myself up for making mistakes with another person who’s made the same amount of mistakes if not more and in most cases I always fall short, and this when I question if it’s ocd or I’m just to self aware and see the ugly in me bc I’m not perfect and it’s just makes me feel so unsettled but again that’s a normal feeling and the next step is to forgive yourself and do better moving forward, not obsess over it like your trying to convince yourself you’re a good person. I’m also hot tempered and will say hurtful things when I’m mad I’m definitely a crash out in the way, you push my bottoms way too many times and I will shred you, and I’ll say things ik will hurt you and that’s just so low, then the anger goes away and I have to face the guilt, which makes my “ocd” 100x worse, it almost feels like I have to do everything right to not trigger it yet again I don’t have the self control to do it all right, I actually have a lot bpd tendencies again not diagnosing but I’m just trying to understand my brain. I worry about dying, getting a terminal illness. uti turning into kidney infection then into cancer kind of thing, knowing that life in general can b tragic is so scary to me, like what will be my story? What will be my life experience?. I believe that people see right through me and discuss it amongst each other, I always tell myself I am not that important but I can’t seem to shake it off sometimes. When I would break up with my ex I would have pre written paragraphs ready to b send if he ever decided to reach back and I would do this to make sure I didn’t forget a single thought, that every point i felt I need to prove was there, and that bothers me bc do I want win an argument or fix the issue. All of these feelings make me feel so pathetic and embarrassed people move on with their lives and I’m still stuck on something that happened 3 yrs ago. Then I’ll get manic get a tattoo, change my hair, go out clubbing do what I can to b the sexy young girl that I am and it helps in the moment but it worsens my mental after the euphoria is gone. I’m currently staying home, not going out, have only 1 friend so I feel like ocd progressively got worse now, I don’t remember it getting this bad in a while. lmk what you guys think don’t judge or think I’m embarrassing I’m actually so cool and if have to convince you I’m cool I will LMFAOO no but fr help

pollydol

Date posted: 21w

I kill people with my mind

I don't know what this is, I don't know enough about OCD, my psychiatrist put me on a medication and told me I have OCD and a mood disorder but I didn't ask any questions because I didn't want to be annoying. I have "evidence" that every year, when I think about death, the world kills someone I love, and it always happens twice. I have nothing to help change that, like, I don't do anything with my thoughts or anything numbers or ritually, so I wasn't sure if it even was OCD, but I do move my hands in certain ways to make my friends happy or improve their lives. Also I cant turn off my fan or something SA related will happen (i dont know how) I think that the world is threatening me, and that if I do something wrong or involve myself with certain things, the world will punish me and the people around me, so all I can do is apologize I've tried looking into the different types of OCD, and all of them are things that I've been anxious about before, but I haven't really been so anxious about any one of them in particular or held onto it for so long, or done any rituals, that I would probably not even say I have OCD. Like, I worry that I'm a nazi, I worry that I like kids, I worry that I killed my friend, I worry that I have schizophrenia or am somehow giving myself it, I worry that I'm going to abuse someone, I worry that I've already abused someone, I worry that somehow I might die, I worry people can hear my thoughts, I worry about ignoring my friend when he cried out for help, I worry that God has already rejected me from heaven, I worry that I like women, I worry that if I don't hit the hammer 9 times on the wall when Im using it that just something bad will happen that I dont know what and I don't know why, and I feel like I don't have a single compulsion that can even "fix" or bring relief to any of these things besides saying sorry, because if I say sorry at least people know that I am apologetic for the crimes I've committed, but saying sorry doesn't fix anything except my own guilt so I'm just a bad person looking for sympathy or seeking attention I don't know enough about OCD, and I don't know how to seek help for my condition because I don't even know if that's really what I have, if I'm not just simply anxious, or possibly schizophrenic Does any of this seem familiar to anyone? Can it be this varied and unfocused? Does this really sound like OCD, or can it be anything else, because I don't want to bark up the wrong tree when I could just be taking medication for something else.

dakotakotaa

Date posted: 18w

Does this sound like OCD?

Terrified I’m going to say or do something wrong, as I’ve been known to loose control before, I’m terrified of myself. Something feels badly off all of the time, it feels like sometbing terrible is going to happen any second, all day. Bad night anxiety, stomach dropping, terrified to sleep and that I’ll die in my sleep, terrified I’ll sleep walk and kill someone or harm myself, terrified I’ll wake up to the worst news or someone’s going to need me and I can’t be there for them then they will be mad, harm themselves, ect Summer is always the worst time, spring it starts, fall I seem to do better and good during winter Self harm urges, I feel out of control, I cant stop and I don’t want to stop. I love cutting myself to put it blankly. Terrified everyone is going to leave, so many people have bevause in so bad at controlling myself, my anger, my anxiety, I push EVERHONE away and isolate for weeks BEVAUSE I don’t want to mess up anything but I just end up messing it up either way. I’m terrified brie is going to leave and I need her. I seriously do not think I could live without her. I was like that with Baylee too, and I hate it I know it’s not rifht but I can’t help but rely on her for all my sanity. If she leaves I feel I have nothing, nothinf to live for, it’s really kicked in with her in the mental hospital I’m tired all day everyday, mentally and physically, but yet can’t ever seem to sit still and sleep, really bad insomnia for the past 5 days I don’t want to get better, I really don’t, I want to get as bad as possible. I want to be worse than some of the people I hang out with or see on the streets, I want scars that are noticeable, I want deep cuts, I want to look like I havnt slept in days, I want to get as bad as I possibly can and I don’t know why I don’t even know who I want to be anymore, I don’t know how I want my personality, some weeks I’m a funny, sassy person, then I’m wanting to be a mean snappy quiet person, then I want to be no body at all, either I want to bring light to the room or be the person EVERHONE sees as quiet and self isolated, sometimes I want to be just a calm collected person so on different days in different things, I don’t know who I want to be Very intrusive thoughts about wanting to kill people, myself, an animal, ect One wrong small change in brie and I think she hates me and is wanting to break up with me, then she shows me love again and I feel like everhthing is perfect, if the love isint being presented rifht to my face in a very clear manner then I believe it’s not there Random, constant episodes of “Deja vu” where either everhthing feels fake and the world moves weird like I was drugged, or where I swear I’ve been in thid moment before causing lots of anxiety thinking everytbing around me is fake or everhthing was imagined and I had just zoned out feom the moment I’m deja’ vu’ing and that everything else was never real, Bad memory, remembering thinfs that never happened, and not remembering A LOT of thinfs, even big things Waking up from naps feeling drugged and not knowing where I am, like a bad nap in a super hot room, but it’s EVERY nap Need constant reassurance but the second I get it I don’t believe any of it and push away my partner even though all I want is for her to comfort me

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