Re: ROCD | It's so terrifying to me that you can invest yourself in a person and have no way of knowing what they really think or feel or their motives for things. They can leave one day over something you weren't even aware of and there's basically nothing you can do

ROCD is so hard because it makes me feel like a stereotypical controlling girlfriend when I'm truly not, and it makes me hesitant to even speak my thoughts. Like I would respectfully move on if things ended. It's just the uncertainty + abandonment fears + low self worth or something.

I’m currently in a constant terror spiral as a result now as I’m in a new relationship and have convinced myself I have STDs and that will result in him leaving me due to thinking I cheated when I didn’t (I’ve never even had an std) My therapist said it’s me looking for reasons he would leave BEFORE it happens as I had no warning before

@?uwotm8? I'm sorry, that sounds horrible. I also have abandonment issues as my dad left my family when I was 4, and I stopped seeing him and my half-siblings as frequently after that. My mom also dated many men, and married one and then divorced a few years later. I've also had a friend and a partner who unexpectedly became abusive toward me, so I have a very hard time trusting things to work out at all. Even though I try to talk about it, it still never really goes away, and I feel so alone. He's able to live his personal life free of these worries and while of course I don't want to burden him, I just wish I could somehow be free of them, too. Whenever I have a "bad day," and bring it up it just ties back into my thoughts that I'm no fun or no good for him. Sometimes I can respect myself and remember that I'm strong and a good person and a lot of people like me, but I just wish I could believe he felt that way about me, too.

@butwhatif I had a shitty dad too he couldn’t be bothered being around and I briefly dated someone abusive and been ghosted many times My current partner keeps saying he should stop seeing me too so I’m always feeling he’s gonna walk with any given moment. I haven’t heard from him tonight for an hour and I’m currently suffering a fucking debilitating terror spiral and if I hadn’t used all my sick days at work I’d 100% not go in tomorrow cuz I feel that awful

@?uwotm8? Why does he stay he should stop seeing you? That seems like something that would worry anyone

@butwhatif Because his ex is a fucking dreadful bitch and I react badly to her. She’s still in his life due to co owning a business with him, as well as pets. She’s been physically and emotionally abusive to him for ten years. She manipulated him so long and because I hate her for what she did and he hates my past he says it’s complicated and doesn’t know if I’m for him or not

@butwhatif Also Thankyou! Because sometimes I think I need to grow up but I forget that normal people would worry too

@?uwotm8? I see. Yeah, I would absolutely be on edge if my bf indicated he had doubt, especially because it adds on top of any additional doubts you generate yourself. I basically worry about any negative possible outcome, but I think your therapist is right that it's a form of hyper-vigilance looking for negative outcomes before they arise. Also, some amount of conflict is normal in every relationship I think, but maybe because all my mom's relationships were so hot and cold, I really fear conflict and have a black and white view. It's possible you two can work on your doubts together, if that's something you're both committed to do to make it work, I think.

@butwhatif I’m sorry I can’t really offer any real advice because my issues are basically the same as yours! I just wanted you to know I get it and you’re not alone x

@?uwotm8? I agree! Thanks for your input ?