Constant rumination of past mistake

Hi everyone, I’m new here, and I wanted to share my experience. I’ve been struggling for over a year now on obsessing over a mistake. And the rumination of the mistake I made has been overwhelming and exhausting in those two years. I feel like such a horrible person. At the time, I didn’t realize what I was doing would affect me so much. When I realized it was wrong, I just said I’ll never do it again, and I moved on. But then months later, I was reminded of what I did, and I felt like I did the worst thing in the world, and that my life will never be normal again. And ever since then, it’s been a constant thought. And it’s exhausting. I have been able to open up to my family and a close friend about it and their reactions were so nonchalant compared to what my brain has been telling me. They say it wasn’t even that bad, and that I shouldn’t be beating myself up. I tell them how badly I feel and they just act like it was nothing. I thought that would help, but my brain continues to tell me how horrible of a person I am and I obsess over this one mistake I made two years ago. I’ve learned from it, I’ve moved on, I’ve opened up about it, I’ve gotten reassurance, but yet it still eats at me. It’s constant some days. Where all I wanna do is lay down in a corner and never leave. I feel like my life will never be normal again and I’ll never experience happiness again. Whenever I smile or feel any type of joy my brain tells me to stop and reminds me that I’m a bad person and I don’t deserve to be happy. Even though everyone tells me what I did wasn’t even that bad. And that it doesn’t make me who I am. But guess it’s not enough and I’m really running out of options.

Real Events OCD

Anonymous

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 8d ago

This is 100% my experience with OCD. It’s progressively latched on to different mistakes in my life, some decades ago, and they resurface and feel like they just happened. Don’t confess and ride it out, the feeling of shame and doom will eventually pass and the cycle will break. I know the same feelings you are describing, and it will get better

J.J.J

Date posted: 8d ago

I feel the same way! My brain replays the mistakes over and over again. People have told me I don’t need to worry about it anymore and to just move on and I just can’t..I started ERP recently so I am hoping it helps. Thank you for sharing your story

jennamax20

Date posted: 8d ago

This is exactly my experience - it's awful. I am at a point where I do not share the content of fhe "mistake" with anyone - as ERP I have even stopped confessing to my NOCD therapist because even though she doesn't give reassurance - it was still compulsive. Stopping the confession is awful. It felt like my life was over - but this one will pass and then there will like be another even more "urgent" one so acting as if and living as if it doesn't bother you (even when your insides are screaming) and not sharing the confession are things that have helped me over time

User type: Therapist

Date posted: 8d ago

Real event OCD can be challenging because there is some small grain of truth to the thought, even if your friends and family didn't see it as a big deal. The key in moving past this is going to be response prevention, which means strategies for not engaging in compulsions like rumination. As you've seen, rumination can last a LONG time! Here is some information on response prevention that may help: https://www.treatmyocd.com/blog/response-prevention-live-with-ocd

Agent K

Date posted: 25w ago

Real Event Ocd

Hi there I talk about religion (but I'm not trying to force it down anyone's throat) So my main event (which is the one that truly bothers me) happened in 2015 when I was 14. I won't go into any details or anything. I will say that it got so bad once that I almost committed something detrimental to my health earlier this year. Not long after that I spoke to a doctor and basically confessed what's been happening to my brain and my mistakes, he mentioned things that really resonated with me, I'll paraphrase a bit: "Okay, so what you did was not good but it's not something to condemn yourself for. It falls into the grey area, you've apologized and have been forgiven (even though I apologized over text, which comes across cowardly)but it seems that you haven't forgiven yourself. There's a whole lot of difference between you at 14 and you at 23. Try to have some perspective." This really helped and it still does, but unfortunately ocd tries to find a way around this. I'll get a thought of "oh but you forgot to mention that other part of the event" and it magnifies it. Can anyone relate? I've done everything but fully move on because I sometimes feel like I don't deserve to move on. And I'm still worried over the future.

Unknown1738

Date posted: 20w ago

Horrible person OCD

I’ve said and done so many hurtful things growing up, especially in elementary and middle school. I was very passive aggressive and mean for a majority of my life, and I’ve hurt peoples feelings. I’m no longer like that now, but every single thing I’ve ever done wrong replays in my head constantly, from the moment I wake up to the second I go to sleep. I know I deserve to feel the chronic guilt and shame, so I feel even more guilty pitying myself. It’s eating me alive, I’m so scared. I know people must hate me, and they have every right to. feel like I don’t deserve to have moments of happiness because I’ve taken that ability away from someone before. I’m not diagnosed, but this has been going on for years and I’m scared to talk to anyone about it because I fear they would look at me differently knowing I’ve hurt someone’s feelings. I feel like a monster. It’s ruining my life and I don’t know what to do.

LizOCD3

Date posted: 12w ago

i made some past mistakes that i obsess over

I have made multiple mistakes in my past that lead me to believe im a bad person. thinking about them often sends me into a panic attack. i cant help but feel i need to be punished. i hate this feeling, what should i do?

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Constant rumination of past mistake

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