Rocd

@thesunwillcomeoutt I basically convinced myself that this guy i met was my soulmate and i was meant to be with him instead bc he was good vibes and that gave me a push to break up. But obviously i wasn’t putting pressure on it to be a romantic relationship bc it was my first time meeting him so it’s so hard to tell if that was really the best decision for me either way I’m gonna be ruminating about the relationship whether we’re broken up or together i can’t stop fixating on what’s truly right and meant for me

@Chronicoverthinker i understand that. you’re young, i say go for it. sit with it and i think you’ll know if this was the right choice.

@thesunwillcomeoutt & by “right choice” i just mean being happy with it or not. Hope all works out for you :)

@Chronicoverthinker I’m pretty sure he’s in a relationship..i just struggle so much to trust the process i feel like I’m constantly trying to control everything especially romantic relationship wise

@Chronicoverthinker can i ask what were the factors of making the decision to break up and how much you thought on it?

@Chronicoverthinker i’m sorry to hear that. i hope you can find peace & it’ll be okay! this community is always here for you

@thesunwillcomeoutt But i don’t have an official diagnosis so idk

@Chronicoverthinker neither do i but if you relate to the symptoms and atleast for me when it’s something that’s attacking my morals and values and things i’ve always cared the most about then it’s most likely OCD. Of course, you may or you may not have it. Breakups are hard and may not always feel right but only you know your reasons for why. If the relationship wasn’t giving you what you need, want, didn’t align with your morals and values then maybe it truly wasn’t the right relationship. It’s up to you to decide ♡ best of luck

@thesunwillcomeoutt Idk if the decision was impulsive because i had been spiraling the whole day and then i met a guy who i felt was better “aligned” with me due to some commonalities we had that i didn’t have with my ex and convinced myself he was a better match but he is already in a relationship, idk what i was thinking like i blame the emotional drain on my ex bf and the relationship but i wonder if it’s really the Rocd idk

@Chronicoverthinker It’s confusing because when i chose to end it i felt more confident then i normally do, but then i felt anxious after and second guessed if it was the right decision because we both love each other so much

@Chronicoverthinker how old are you if you don’t mind me asking?? i did this when i was 18 bc i met someone i thought was better and also my relationship wasn’t toxic at the time we were young and learning and was my first real relationship and i broke up with him then panicked bc i thought i made the wrong choice but it was really right, i just was “secure” in the relationship that’s why it felt wrong. Now, im 25 and in my most safe healthy relationship with a woman (im a lesbian) and have had the urges but it didn’t feel the same as previous relationships because i could say why i didn’t want to be with them but it’s different now because this relationship is truly everything ive always wanted and ive never been so in love and happy which i think triggered my ROCD bc this is safe and this is healthy and my brain is scanning for something wrong bc im not used to it. I think that’s kinda what differentiated it. When i almost broke up with my gf, i felt not real and like something took over my body and i was crying breaking down and didn’t want to do it i just wanted to escape the feelings of doubt i had. Now, i still am struggling with ROCD but i know i will never want to almost break up with her again because i know it’s not what i want, my ocd does.

@thesunwillcomeoutt short answer in my opinion is that yeah you may feel regretful bc it’s what you knew and u were comfortable in that relationship but if there was real reasons and your guys values didn’t align then maybe it was the right choice.

@thesunwillcomeoutt Im 21, i feel like i have been second guessing my connection with him and self sabatoging from the start but he wasn’t perfect either as he used to be avoidant and broke up with me previously due to my rocd taking too much of a mental toll on him. We have both grown a lot and i never second guessed like this when ending other relationships but idk if that’s just because i like him more than i liked them or because i want to be with him deep down

@thesunwillcomeoutt How can you identify if your values are misaligned vs Rocd fixating on differences ? I struggle with that a lot

@Chronicoverthinker for me personally, i think your values are just your values and things that are important to you. ex/ things you want in life, in a relationship, future, how you communicate etc. do you guys want the same things? are you able to communicate openly and safely? just things you yourself know are important to you and most importantly you feel yourself and free to express to your partner. if your morals & values don’t align then it may not be the right relationship. for me, we’ve planned our wedding, bought our future kids clothes already, talked about the future and how we’d raise our kids just every single thing we expect from eachother and in a relationship and i think if those big things align then it is a good relationship for you. of course, we grow as people and minor things like how we communicate or get through disagreements can be different but as long as you can grow together in that and put egos aside and choose to understand eachother then that’s something that could work as long as you’re both committed to putting in the work.