JUST DO IT

I won’t explain this again if you’ve been or going through it you know what I’m talking about. I felt good about women about an hour ago and now I’m worrying again I’m anxious and the groinals are back and it’s so annoying because I can’t study. And honestly I’m so sick and tired of this. I’ve been a girl crazy my whole life and my mind randomly decides “well what if you are gay” like bro. I’ve never seen a guy that way and in general IT WAS NEVER SOMETHING I THOUGHT ABOUT OR ASSOCIATED MYSELF WITH. IVE NEVER FELT ANYTHING TOWARDS A MAN AND NOW IT FEELS LIKE IT RANDOMLY FLIPPED. I CANT DO THIS BRO. WHY WOULD THIS HAPPEN IVE BEEN GOING THROUGH INSECURITIES ALREADY AND MY ATTRACTION WAS THE ONLY REAL THING I HAD LEFT AND NOW THIS. HOW MUCH DO YOU HATE ME GOD.

I work a job at my grandparents house cleaning around their house. For example, pledging areas that need it, using glass cleaner to clean dirty glass.etc My biggest problem is my mind as it’s constantly taking over. When I finish cleaning or doing a task, I literally have to ponder on if I completed the whole task (I stand there for a long time going through “ok, did I get this whole spot clean?” and I ponder on things like did I complete the task and have to stand there until I remember yes I did clean this whole spot. I struggle with moving from task to task. Do you guys have any suggestions for how you can tell your brain this is done without pondering if the task really got done or not? Thanks so much!🩵

so its been three days now its it really bad, Im trying to just "tolerate and allow the feelings to be here for as long as it wants," not fixing it, not figuring it out, just allowing it to be a cloud raining on me while im doing my thing, but it doesnt work!! It gives me these intesne, loud, real feeelings that make me feel like i am gay and that I just need to accept it. Like its the hyperfocusing that I cant control that makes me focus on the feelings when im trying to do something else, allowing it to be there but still doing my own thing however Im still paying attention to the feeling, and the thoughts feel intense, and its like this ALLLL DAY, for three days straight. I dont know what to do anymore, because ERP doesnt seem to be working.