My body has done weird things during interactions and sometimes it feels like the movements came from me, like I controlled them. It’s freaking terrifying. Sometimes I believe I’ve gone psycho. I don’t know who the fuck I am anymore. Maybe I should just accept that I’m a danger to society.
I really think these could be subconscious testing compulsions. They are hard to notice at first, honestly. They could also be anxiety tics, not literal tics, but more like small behaviors you do to relieve anxiety you might not even realize you are experiencing. Unfortunately, your OCD seems to be latching onto those too. Annoyingly enough, it can latch onto anything. I am noticing a pattern: you are doing well, something happens like this movement stuff, and you get thrown back into a spiral you have to crawl out of again. I think the ERP would involve not analyzing why this happens and instead accepting it as meaningless or just a sign of anxiety, nothing that defines you. No matter how real or convincing it feels
@issphra 🫶🏻 Thank you so much for taking the time to respond 🙏🏼 it really means a lot to me. For some reason I never thought that they could be subconscious testing compulsions but honestly you may be spot on. It could be my brain’s way of getting me to test these situations even if I don’t fully realize it. And I definitely have so many anxiety tics now, my shoulders go up and down and pull to the side my whole body goes crazy that’s how stressed this shit is making me LMAOOO. And that’s pretty accurate honestly. I just can’t stop obsessing on a particular situation from 2 years ago. Normally when the movements happen I can kind get over them quickly. I don’t usually react that strongly to them anymore, it’s just this one particular situation from the past that is weighing heavy on me. But I know the only way to get through this is to just accept uncertainty. Thanks again for your support it’s always appreciated 🙏🏼
@andrewt_ Goodness, I know how stressful this damn disorder can be ugh. It’ll get better, it ebbs and flows but it never just stays bad. I’m here if you ever want to talk!!! I know how crazy this crap can make us lmao
Even if what you thought is true (it's not), people deserve to have help with mental health, rehabilitation and treatment of their conditions. those are basic human rights even if you consider yourself a "monster". you can seek help, support and move beyond this current state of thinking. you are someone who deeply cares for the well being of others (as shown by your worries of being dangerous) so try to be kinder to yourself as you are to others around you. i believe in you, we are here for you, you can do this!
@Kands Can I get some support from you?
@Anony1314 sure :^) i'll see if it's something i'm able to help
@Kands Are you there
@Kands I'm going to just delete my comment. I don't know if you saw or not
@Kands You have no idea how much I needed to hear this. I feel like this message couldn’t have came at a better time. I need to keep in mind that no matter what I still deserve help even if it doesn’t feel like I do. Thank you for that important reminder 🙏🏼
@Anony1314 i was asleep, it was pretty late where i live. i thought you where going to send a DM sorry ;-;
@Kands I responded
@Kands Hello
@Kands Let me know when you are back active
@Anony1314 hey
@Kands Hey friend
@Anony1314 what did you need to talk about?
@Kands Hey
@Anony1314 i don't suffer with this theme, but this whole thought process sounds like classic OCD. I say this as someone looking externally at this specific theme, it soubds absurd to me this could be anything other than OCD. Also asking if it's OCD or not is still assurance seeking, you need to sit with the discomfort and not react to these thoughts and responses to small situations as threats or it will get worse. This theme is a nightmare, i know, but you need to seek ERP or practice accepting the thoughts and sitting with the discomfort they cause.
@Anony1314 It looks like you are still in fight-or-flight mode too, you need to breath and calm down. This is just fueling your OCD and making things progressively more difficult for you. Don't ruminate or rationalize, try to breath and feel your body, describe loudly in your head everything you can feel with your five senses and slowly ground yourself. After that you need to list or write the thoughts that make you uncomfortable and practice not responding to them.
@Kands Thank you SO much my friend!!
@Anony1314 it's most likely you will ask someone again "is this OCD or not" when anxiety hits. DO NOT respond to it, don't seek reassurance, just sit with the bad feelings - they will go away.
@Kands Thank you friend!!
Are you seeing your therapist for this? If you haven’t, please get back into ERP therapy so you can get better. You know what’s what, but you just need some extra help from a professional.
@Nica I don’t know anything anymore though. This happened when my OCD wasn’t even bad. So I’m just convinced I’m a horrible person and therefore it’s pointless to seek therapy.
OCD can cause involuntary movements. You are not your OCD! I'm here for you friend.
@Anony1314 Thank you so much! Your support means a lot to me! It’s just scary because I wasn’t struggling with OCD at the time. It just got bad after the movements happened. It just felt so real
@andrewt_ Of course!! I understand friend. It's still OCD
My life has been hell, and I don’t know how to move on. I (15M) did awful things when I started high school, thinking being sexual was the way to connect. I crossed boundaries, overshared, and kept flirting with friends and making sexual jokes, even after they said no (all over text). One friend stopped talking to me and can’t even look at me now. I feel like a monster. Why shouldn’t I be locked up? If I got therapy, I feel like I’d be sent jail. How can I ever move on?Then there were these 2 guys who were older than me one was 16 one was 17. The 16 yr old was introduced to me by my online friend who is my best friend and I begged the 16 yr old for pics (idk how it started but after my friends ex randomly messaged me and sent me pictures and then blocked me right after I think I became addicted to chasing that high) the 16 yr old eventually sent me a pic but it was real and I stopped bugging him on it after that but i feel so bad I did that but my friend tells me not to feel bad cause the guy was weird but I still feel bad. Then the 17 yr old I did the same thing with him but went too far when I tried getting pics from him by using my best friends ass pics she sent me (she was 15) I don’t think I grasped how wrong this was but that’s not an excuse she eventually found it when I told her after she tried getting pics from the guy herself to try and help me and the guy got mad when she stopped talking to him cause we found it weird talking to him. I told her about how I sent the pics she said she felt sick but forgave me cause she thought I was gonna harm myself. Fast forward the guy told me after I had still been flirting with him that I s@d him (we never met in person ever) and I felt so guilty and apologized a lot and he got annoyed and told me that he had been kinda manipulative to me and kept me in a loop of mystery and I don’t talk to him anymore. But one of my other friends stopped talking to me after I was being by too emotionally taxing on him because I became very depressed and didn’t wanna life anymore and tried to stop lifing a few times. And now idk if I actually s@d someone if I did that to someone and now I think I’m a pdo and I think I s@d my baby cousins and my little brother and now I’m scared bf I can’t even get help because my parents don’t believe in therapy and even if I wanted to I’m scared because I don’t want to go to jail but I think I deserve it honestly why should a monster like me live.
Does anyone else experience this lingering fear and anxiety because they think they’re capable of hurting someone? It’s killing me. I feel like I’m such a danger. I feel like I’m a predator. I feel like this awful person and I can’t shake it. I want to carry on with my day but I can’t. I don’t feel like I deserve it. I feel like I’ve done awful things. I can’t stop crying.
Anyone else have the fear of blacking out/having a psychotic break and harming others or myself/having no control of your body? Any tips on how to deal with this or anyone who’s recovered from this? It’s probably been my worst yet - the fear of having no control over my body or my actions.
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