Bad thoughts...

I haven’t achieved everything in my life yet, though i hope to someday. However, i completely understand what you mean about doubting the value of anything we’ve accomplished. Was any of it actually worth it, does it even matter? It does and there is value. It’s not always clearly evident. Perhaps the value we are looking for in what we do, isn’t the real value at all. Have you ever held a door open for somebody and the person walks through and never says a word? Not a thank you, not a nod, nothing. Like your whole purpose in life was to be right there to hold the door for them. Well good job, you’ve served your lifes purpose, now what do you want, a cookie? However, when you look back, you remember some little kid seeing your kind gesture and maybe you’ll be walking down the street someday and see that same kid, grown up, holding the door for a parent with a stroller and kids hanging off them, or helping somebody pick something up. You’ll remember those eyes, the same ones that saw you hold the door open for that person who didn’t care. And then, you get to see the real value in what you’ve accomplished. There’s times we never get those kind of reassurances that what we’ve done has been worth anything. But man, when we do, even in the smallest form, it means everything. Everything makes a difference in some way. Whether we get to witness the results or not. Just my thoughts and a little personal experience. I hope you don’t mind and i hope it helps. Here’s to you and having a better day my friend💯.

I’m really sorry that you're feeling this way right now. It sounds like you're dealing with a lot of heavy, painful thoughts. When it comes to intrusive thoughts, especially those involving harm, it can feel very overwhelming, but it's important to remember that having these thoughts doesn’t mean you want them to happen, nor does it reflect your true desires. They're just thoughts, not actions, and they don’t define you. In ERP (Exposure and Response Prevention) therapy, we approach these thoughts in a specific way. The goal is to not engage with them, but instead to acknowledge them and allow them to be there without reacting in a way that would reinforce them. That could mean allowing yourself to notice the thought without trying to push it away, or even deliberately sitting with it for a while. This doesn't mean that the thought is true or that it's your fault for having it. In ERP, we also work on separating your sense of self-worth from the thoughts and feelings you're experiencing. Your accomplishments and experiences are still valuable, even if it doesn't feel like they’re making a difference right now. It's okay to feel lost, but it’s also important to understand that these feelings, like the intrusive thoughts, are temporary and can be worked through with time, patience, and support. If you haven’t already, consider reaching out to a NOCD therapist who specializes in OCD or anxiety-related disorders. We can provide support and help you with specific techniques to manage these thoughts. You're not alone in this, and it's possible to feel better with the right guidance.