So recently my mind is trying to make me feel like I accept the thoughts, like I'm ok with for example loving X person. After I get a thought like that and I realize it I get anxious and, like right now, I cry for 1 hour+ on the bathroom floor. I feel exhausted and I want to know if I'm the only one having this.
Hi. I'm sure any reading this and wanting to reply is cautious about giving you reassurance. There's also some questions that come to mind. Like who is X? Why would loving X bring you so much anxiety and cause you to cry?
Because he molested me and did very bad things, he blackmailed me and manipulated me for months. I saldy cheated with him on mu current relationship almost a year ago when all of this ocd started. I got to a point where I asked myself if I was a pedo aswell and tried to kms about it various times.
@misereri Well, first allow me to send a big hug 🫂. Wow, I'm sorry you went through this, and it does make sense now why this is so difficult for you.
@misereri Has anyone been there to support you through all this?
@Someone99 Not really, my friends to an extent and im about to see a physchotherapist for the first time . Also thanks for the hug 🫂
@misereri Something that may hopefully help, "accepting" the thoughts does not mean agreeing with them. You probably read that a lot on here that we need to accept the thoughts. It's more like allowing the thoughts. Like letting them there and not reacting. Allowing it doesn't mean you love this person who hurt you. He does not deserve your love, and you do not deserve the pain he caused you.
@Someone99 Thank you, but I had a thought like a feeling of agreeing with the thought idk how to explain it and that made me spiral sm and I cried for 1 hour plus on the bathroom floor. The thought came while i was randomly playing on the pc and I've been having a crisis everyday atp. I just calmed myself down and I feel truly exhausted.
@misereri Ok. Try to remember you're not in any real danger. This is inside, in your thoughts, which is real enough. But you're in a safe place. Be calm. With OCD our intrusive thoughts are so real that we actually react to them in a self defense way. So everything is real, and intense. I can relate. So, it's important to be present as they say, look around, notice your surroundings, listen to some relaxing music, talk a walk, listen to the birds, and so on.
@Someone99 I can try but I keep having thoughts that feel like the come from.me they feel like I agree with them and I get extremely anxious and it takes me into a crisis.
@misereri It's not easy. You have a lot of trauma from this situation, so it's understandable. I'm not thinking i can say one thing and it'll all go away. It'll take some time. I developed a couple response tools. One is naming the thought, or a certain thought. Sort of package it up and imagine it's an unwanted guest, like a big bug or something. That helps separate it and in time I actually was able to respond to it with a little sarcasm, like "yeah right, like I really want to do that", or in this situation "yeah right, like I really have any feelings for this creep".
@Someone99 Thank u! 🫂 I can definitely try that! I was wondering if feeling like a thought is true and feeling like you agree with it is something that other people experience aswell. I feel truly exhausted emotionally rn..did you heal from ocd?
@misereri You're welcome. And you're in my heart, I'll be here for you anyway I can, and anyone else here. 😊 I'm not sure heal is the word, I think it's manage. I was at the point I'd literally roll on the floor with my arms around my head for hours all night long. That's was the summer of 2023, and that's when I knew I needed help. Since ERP, I learned a lot about OCD and mostly about me. How to manage, healthy internal dialogue (we all have it, :-)) and self care. Thoughts still sneak in and I have ups and downs, but I'm on a healthy path, and feel like myself again. We don't really heal the way we need to when we're spinning around with OCD stuff. But when the tools started helping, I actually felt "sober", like my feet were back on the ground again. Once you're there, you'll be able to heal, to grow as well.
@misereri It's exhausting because your mind is kicking in all the adrenaline and stuff as if you're in a real battle. Which we are. So allow yourself to rest, and drink plenty of water!!! We need to stay hydrated. Not sugary drinks! 😉
@misereri So, physical care is very important too, diet and exercise.
@Someone99 Yes that's the point it got for me, I cry everyday and have convulsions or I just go into apnea for long periods of time. I know that if I don't get help I might just really take my life. I've been without help for almost a year and it's really bad now to the point I can only feel calm when I sleep. I'm so scared of these thoughts .
@misereri Good morning. Can I ask your name? My name is Mike. Are you able to get help from a therapist? I'm here for you any way I can be. Are you located in the U.S.? I'm wondering because I would like to be a part of your day, so I know what time it is where you are. You probably feel like no one cares about you and what you're going through, and well, I look every day for someone to care for. So first, you're not alone. And what happened in the past is in the past. Things can and will get better, but it will take time. One small step at a time is what we hope for. Are you in school today, or working?
@Someone99 Hi my name is Giada, I'm from Italy. I'm still a student currently on my second to last year of high school. Im 18. This week I'm not going to school bc I'm lowkey sick and mentally I'm not there anyways. I think ill go there on monday. But im pretty much free this week.
@misereri Hi Giada, such a pretty name. 🙂 I'm in the U.S. in Pennsylvania. It's 10:47am here as I'm writing this. It's good to take some time off when you need it. Try to use the time for self care. One day at a time, ok?
@misereri Is it ok to talk about things other than your challenges? I'd like to get to know you and what your interests are.
@Someone99 Also like idk I like reading movies crochet painting and music
@misereri Awesome. Hopefully you can enjoy those things a little bit in your time off this week. And don't forget healthy diet, exedcise and stay hydrated! (Sorry if I sound like an over bearing parent. Lol) Have you ever played a musical instrument?
@Someone99 Nop never. Also dw i appreciate it a lot
@misereri I'm glad you do. If I ever seem too nosey or anything, just let me know. How are your thoughts today so far? Do they hit you more at any certain time of day? Can you identify something that may trigger them?
@Someone99 Today they are very bad, i woke up and I had a panick attack because i thought i was ok with loving someone else .it felt so real and rhat sent me into a spiral. They hit me every minute of the day, my brain can find a link between even the smallest thing like I don't know a sandwich.
@Someone99 Is there somewhere i can contact you?
@misereri It's challenging because they fl ag everything.
@misereri We can try this, something that's worked in the past. My gee male, just remove all the letter z : zzmzzzvzhzzzz 99 zz44. And we'll be able to go from there. 🙂
@Someone99 Ill try to send one as a test
Hi, I'm 17,about to be 18. I've been struggling with these thoughts for the past 8 months. I was wondering if someone experienced ever the same because I feel im "different". BACKGROUND: (I'm not diagnosed with Ocd but seeing a local counselor) About 9 months ago I cheated on my boyfriend with this guy S (who blackmailed, manipulated and molested me). Since then when I realized that what i did was very WRONG and so I started ruminating picking apart every single interaction and telling my boyfriend, i tried to remember every single detail because otherwise I felt like i was being a fraud and hiding things to save myself, i had many crisis about it because I had also what i think was false memory ocd. My boyfriend forgave me idk how tbh I still wonder. CURRENT STRUGGLE: Months ago I was sure I didn't wanna S in any way and i was sure even when everything happened. For the past 2 months tho I've been having thoughts like " Do I love S?" "I love S" "S is hot" "Would S find me hot?" "What if I want S?" " What if I don't love my boyfriend enough?" "What if I secretly want S?" "What if I see my boyfriend as a friend only?Do I?" And I tried testing my reaction to intimate scenarios with S, I'm scared I like it i dont really wanna love S or have any secret attraction, I wish I didn't have any of this and I want to be sure of my feelings for my boyfriend because I know I wanna be with him and I see a future with him like he brings me comfort. But a part of me keeps trying to convince me otherwise. Sometimes I think I'd rather die than have these thoughts. Im so scared of not being able to control my feelings, im scared I can't resist S and its giving me anxiety and making me cry. Sometimes when i think of those sexual scenarios with S or I get those thoughts my mind tells me to smile because i like it because I find it funny. It makes me doubt myself all over again. Like I'm always like I need to test if I'd feel aroused to intimate scenarios with S, lately im trying to fight this urge to test and test but my mind is like "just do it this once so you can be sure. I can never watch anything romantic or sexual or whatever because my mind would be like "you and S" or sometimes I'm just enjoying time with my bf and im like " yes we can just have a sneaky cheating thing thats ok" and it makes me want to figure it out to find an answer a solution because idk it just does like I need to find the meaning of it if it means the truth and all. Im worried im just an awful person and these thoughts just ruin my quality of life . Today i had a crisis where i ended up doinf swlf harm, I'm so scared of finding someone that's not my boyfriend desirable or sexual appealing or whatever it is, I also have bodily reactions when I try to imagine and test my reaction to scenarios. Now i keep groing everytime and I dont know why but i have this sensation and I dont want to havebit especially when its something S related. Does someone experience the same thoughts? Am I alone in this? Is this ROCD? What should i do?
Ive been having rough days lately i can't stop crying and i just feel like a mess because of this. I'm posting this because i'm trying to understand whats happening,not in an obsessing way but i genuinly want to understand or i guess feel validaded like i'm not alone since i genuinly fear i'm crazy or i'm the only ones experiencing this and maybe theres something wrong with me. Ive been experiencing groinals for a while around my cats ,at first , the usual i was incredibly scared at the moment. Now i feel different,i do still feel scared but now it feels like i'm causing them. I'm my case i have the urge of doing something about it the moment i get it Now while i do feel scared and try to not be around My cats while i have them,at the same time it feels sometimes that i cause them to feel that sensation which really scares me because i can tell im enjoying it and i can't stop feeling guilty and awful about it. Ive been crying a lot over this and i really fear that this could mean something else Even at some points it felt like the idea seduces me which is also really really scary. I know this isnt like this for everyone but i wanted to know if anyone else experienced this
Whenever anyone starts to feel like their thoughts are less triggering or they feel a moment of happiness/ relief OCD tells you that you want the thoughts back or you actually like having the thoughts and maybe thats just the person I really am? I feel like im going insane😢
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