avantika 🪻

Date posted: 20w

compulsion

this is random but i have slightly wavy hair 🧍‍♀️but i straighten it before school every single day, and if i dont- i will NOT go. I dont even hate my natural hair and i go out with it all the time in places that arent school- but SCHOOL. I physically will not enter the school if i have not straightened my hair… and if i mid day in school see that my hair has even one wave or slight frizziness i feel this whack of anxiety and suddenly i cant breathe i wanna leave and go home. Just now my dad told me id have to walk to school tomorrow- I CANT do that. Walking after school is fine like idc if my hair gets frizzy after school… but TO school- no… like it genuinely triggers such intense anxiety in me and i cant walk to school because i convince myself (bc its pretty much true) that if i walk to school with my straightened hair its going to get all wavy and frizzy and the thought of going to school like that makes me physically unable to breathe. Idk if this is a compulsion or not.

Amara

Date posted: 20w

I can understand how distressing this must feel for you. The fact that you feel like you physically cannot go to school without straightening your hair and that it triggers intense anxiety suggests it might be a compulsion or linked to an underlying anxiety issue. Have you tried gradually challenging this fear, like exposing yourself to small moments of imperfection with your hair and sitting with the discomfort? It might help to explore this with a specialist if it’s impacting your daily life a lot.

avantika 🪻

Date posted: 20w

@Amara i cant do it 😭 i genuinely go to the school bathroom and start sobbing if i see even ONE wave 😭

Amara

Date posted: 20w

@weregonnabeokay I hear how distressing this is for you, and I know it feels impossible right now. But the fact that this is causing so much anxiety and distress means it's something worth working on. You don’t have to fix it all at once—maybe start with small steps, like allowing one tiny wave and seeing how you cope. It’s okay to feel uncomfortable at first, but over time, it will get easier. You deserve to feel free from this stress.

avantika 🪻

Date posted: 20w

@Amara Its odd 😭some days i like lazily straighten my hair and idc i just go with it whatever- but its the idea of MAINTAINING what is done to my hair- if my hair gets MORE frizzy or wavy oh heck no 🙏i will be calling home

Amara

Date posted: 20w

@weregonnabeokay I get that it sounds like it’s more about control and keeping things ‘just right’ rather than the straightening itself. The fact that some days you’re okay with it but other days it feels unbearable shows that this isn’t really about your hair, but more about the anxiety around change. Maybe instead of aiming for perfect maintenance, you could try sitting with a little bit of imperfection and seeing that nothing bad actually happens. It’s tough, but it might help loosen the grip this has on you over time.

avantika 🪻

Date posted: 20w

@Amara im HEHSHSHS 😭😭😭😭 i hate everything and i have to walk tomorrow unless i ask one of my friends for a ride but im scared bc my parents get so mad at me when i ask them if they can drop my friends so i dont want that happening to my friends

Amara

Date posted: 20w

@weregonnabeokay I know this feels really frustrating right now, and I get why it’s stressing you out. But avoiding it every time might just keep feeding the anxiety. Maybe this could be a chance to test it out walk to school once and see if it’s really as bad as your mind is telling you. If it is, you’ll know, but if it’s not, it might help loosen the grip this has on you. Either way, I’m here for you.

avantika 🪻

Date posted: 20w

@Amara Last time I walked to school my hair got messed up 😭😭 but i may live life on risky mode 😛😛 and walk to school tomorrow

avantika 🪻

Date posted: 20w

@weregonnabeokay I’ll probably regret it but whatever

Amara

Date posted: 20w

@weregonnabeokay That’s a great mindset! Even if your hair gets a little messy, you’ll be okay. You might even surprise yourself and not mind it as much as you think. Either way, you’re challenging the fear, and that’s a win!

avantika 🪻

Date posted: 20w

@Amara Im probably gonna walk with like my hood and hair clips and hair tied and hair sprayed and probably look insane 💀💀

avantika 🪻

Date posted: 20w

@Amara Nvm i got too scared and backed out😭😭😭 im having one of my friends drive me to school

Amara

Date posted: 20w

@weregonnabeokay That's okay! You did what felt right for you in the moment. Maybe next time, you'll feel ready to try, but no pressure.

Anonymous

Date posted: 19w

Irrational Fears

Usually my compulsions are always motivated by fear. I feel like a child when I have compulsions. Like for example, my brain convinces me that someone is in my house and I need to open every cabinet and all the shower curtains, and do tons of other crazy things like march instead of walking so that if someone where to shoot at my legs they'd have less of a chance of hitting me. How do I stop it? I am just going about my day and I can see in my head, myself getting attacked or something and so my only option to calm myself down is to do a bunch of random actions that will keep me "safe". Does anyone else experience this? Or convince themselves that they are under Milo Murphys law? That anything bad that can happen to them will, so they need to never do anything that could result in anything bad, and avoid everything? And how do you convince yourself you're not in danger?

avantika 🪻

Date posted: 11w

feeling misunderstood

Having ocd is so incredibly exhausting and depressing- my mom and dad argued with me for over an hour talking about how im a pain to be around, go in too many loops, and ruin everything and everyones mood… this conversation started with me saying im stressed out because of school and that i dont want to go because im exhausted- and idk if this is like ocd directly but it takes me like 2 hours to get ready in the morning because i need to look PERFECT and the same everyday literally 😭 and that process feels so exhausting every morning at 6am but i will NOT go to school without going through with it- i will literally be crying and shaking and wanting to go home the minute i get to school if even a single strand of my hair is not perfectly straightened or any blemishes or flaws are showing- and i cant even walk to school or anything bc im scared the humidity will mess with my hair and everything- and it just really affects my life? And yeah its freaking exhausting. And i have two more years of highschool and I dont know if im going to make it 😭i get super stressed over grades too because i need them to be extraordinary otherwise its a fail. Nothing below 95%. And thats also tiring! 😁 and my mom told me today “medication IS NOTTTT AND OPTION!!!” Like oh okay so im just cooked 😭 and therapy isnt really helping me at all- i feel like what im being told is so basic and generic and it doesn’t help me when im in a huge ocd episode- which is often… and what i hate most is like my mom says “don’t come to me with your problems after 6pm…” im sorry i cant schedule my feelings 😭 im so tired

anonymous494

Date posted: 11w

having a hard time with my appearance and decision

i don’t feel like i’m allowed to make decisions because what if i’m doing a compulsion. am i genuinely uncomfortable or just looking to do compulsions yk?

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