Question please

@issphra 🫶🏻 do u get the feeling along with the thought tho? like when my mind makes me think i actually WANT to act in these things, i feel that way, do u?

@joshuadrennen The urge? Yes it’s very common for OCD. When my anxiety is high, it gets insanely intense. I literally feel like I have to lock myself in my room and force myself to sleep or else (don’t do that it’s an avoidance compulsion). It’s so surreal, it’s hard to explain unless you go through it. It’s okay, it’s just very high anxiety being distorted. It feels very real but it isn’t, I know what it’s like. If anything, what you’re feeling is the urge to relieve the anxiety. It could also be you subconsciously testing yourself by seeing if you’ll act on something by focusing on that feeling. It’s hard, it’s complicated. It could be multiple things but it’s all just OCD.

@issphra 🫶🏻 i mean not only the urge, but like YOU, YOU want to do it? idk if it’s my ocd convincing myself i want to and making me have that false feeling bc it coexists with the feeling of distress and not wanting to when i have the thoughts and urges. i just wanna know that this is something OCD can do to ppl

@joshuadrennen Yes, that’s part of the urge. It’s terribly convincing I remember sobbing to my bf because I genuinely felt like I **wanted** to go violate my poor pup 😃

@issphra 🫶🏻 It’s feels weird to have the thoughts and not be sad and distressed… is that normal? Like I’m happy rn but still have the thoughts and it’s freaky like seems like I’m ok w doing it

@Dreamydream Yeah, it is meta OCD to worry about how much you are worrying about your thoughts. Normal people get these same thoughts, but they barely notice them. They probably do not feel distressed for more than half a second, if at all, which is actually how we are supposed to respond. Our brains have just been trained to notice these thoughts more than the average person. For them, it is probably just a whisper, while for us, it feels like a yell. I know it can feel like you are okay with the thoughts or even that you like them, but that is just a distortion. That discomfort is exactly what we are supposed to sit with. I get how scary it can be because it has been happening to me for the past two or three months. I have literally had panic attacks over not worrying. In the moment, I don’t even realize that worrying about *not* worrying is still worrying. It can happen because we either start processing the thoughts like a typical person would, we get so used to the thoughts that we do not feel the stress anymore, or therapy and ERP are working. All of that is normal. What is not normal is analyzing every single feeling you have. That is classic OCD behavior, and it is what leads to things like meta OCD. It can get tricky because you end up doing compulsions over compulsions. You start stressing about not worrying enough or getting intrusive thoughts about how you are reacting to your intrusive thoughts. It is basically a loop within a loop, and it gets really complicated. The best thing you can do is try to sit with that discomfort. The thoughts do not stop being intrusive just because they stress you out less. That is why I prefer calling them unwanted thoughts instead of intrusive thoughts. A thought does not have to feel life-shattering to be intrusive. It can literally just be, “Wow, I really could have done without that thought.” If you would choose not to have it, that is enough to call it unwanted. Unwanted thoughts can pop up automatically, or we can bring them up ourselves, and both are normal. The important part is that we treat them the same way regardless.

@issphra 🫶🏻 Thank you so much for taking the time to write this for me - appreciate you! I like your analogy of the whisper and yell - so trueeee. It feels weird to be ok and feel normal when i am doing well - makes me feel not right. It’s like idk what to do lol. How are you feeling now? Ru ok Yes i panic over not worrying it’d so weird like why can’t i just accept that maybe im getting better? My brain yet accept that reality right now it’s so odd. I did start therapy so maybe it’s helping me? Yes it’s like my brain wants to worry and it wants to have these thoughts it’s like i have to force the cycle again and force myself to think ab it cause im like why am i not thinking ab it and worried?

@joshuadrennen I feel like that :(

@Dreamydream I’m okay, i still have a lot of spirals throughout the day but just basically shrugging off the thoughts have helped a lot in lowering their importance. Forcing yourself to think about it is def a compulsion, it’s okay will get easier with time. I still worry about not worrying but honestly, the worry lasts less now which is great :) you’ll get there 🫶🏻

@issphra 🫶🏻 Happy to hear that! Ru in therapy or on medication?

@joshuadrennen Have you experienced the feeling of not having anxiety or panic and ur feeling good at moments and happy then u feel crazy? Like oh then i can actually do this and be this person and not care

@Dreamydream YESSS! and then i spiral about the fact i feel that and think that and think there’s something wrong with me. ur the first person who i’ve related to on this!

@joshuadrennen Yessss feeling this right now! I feel happy rn but still have the thoughts and in my thoughts I’m happy doing it and seems like i want to and im like questioning everything now… have u felt this?

@Dreamydream yes, a lot!

@Dreamydream YES! My ocd does this. It’s like I’ve got it all mastered but then it creeps back in like oh you weren’t even worried. You really want that don’t you?? It sucks. I get it

@Hexxi I’m going through a weird time today where I feel happy and not in super distress or anxious. And I’m still having the thoughts but in my head since I’m feeling ok and happy rn it’s appearing that I’m happy doing that type of stuff and want to and won’t care? Is this normal or have u felt this? Cause i feel weird ab it and idk what to do

@Dreamydream Yea OCD can manifest in any way that’s going to cause you to feel discomfort. My running theory is that the brain gets so tired of thinking and seeing these things that would traumatize any “normal” person that it really starts messing with the way you “feel” emotions. Especially when you are hyper analyzing the emotions you do feel.

@Hexxi Yesss i think my brain is getting tired of freaking out all day so it’s giving me a break lol but im hoping that means im getting better and that I’ll be ok.