Life kinda just sucks right now 18+ only

Never feels like I can fully put my mind to rest. The problem with OCD for me is once I'm over one worry there's another buried deep into my mind that I'm not fully over. The two events I'm not completely over is when I tried to help a 17 year old with POCD when I was 19 and the topics unfortunately were detailed and even then I explained to them I wasn't comfortable with talking to them. I guess I just had a hard time saying no to someone needing help but it eventually made me so uncomfortable that I stopped talking with them altogether at some point. Then the other thing is being so worried that I committed a crime because my elbow touched someone's behind when I didn't want that to happen at all. I didn't want to listen to my OCD by saying move my arm or something horrible is going to happen so I didn't and then something bad actually did happen. I thought it would just be a light touch while zipping a bag up but then it was worse than I ever wanted it to be and it was so awkward and I hated it. I feel like I just won't be able to get back to the way I was before OCD started all of this. Aside from that I've just had extreme health anxiety but am too afraid to reach out to a PCP even though I need to. Something deep down is telling me I should do this but I'm just so anxious and embarrassed about sharing things to them. I can't even enjoy the things I used to do because this is constantly just messing up my life. I'm hoping I get a start of positivity next time I see my therapist. This just sucks. Feels like others around me are doing so much better than I am and I'm just kind of stuck on these same problems and feeling absolute shame and guilt from the past over and over again. I'm just so sick of dealing with this every single day so I just use escape whenever I can. Even that doesn't really work. I just wish I could go back in time.

User type: Therapist

Date posted: 19w

I appreciate how this might sound a little dismissive, but please understand it's meant to recognize just how hard this is, AND how it's possible when you focus your energy effectively. Stop engaging with the content of the thoughts. OCD will keep throwing you details - content for you to engage with, and keep replacing every one you tamp down, like a horrific game of whack-a-mole. I call these things "frisbees," and use the imagery/analogy that OC is throwing frisbees, hoping you'll chase them get tire yourself out, instead of staying at home base and catching your breath. Understand these are all flavors of the same crappy ice cream that OCD is convincing you to swap back and forth between eating to make it go away, but your task is to stop eating crappy ice cream. Here's a great video that describes how to sit with the discomfort of having ice cream melt and drip all over your hand, without trying to eat it. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rTEuWub563c I hope you and your therapist are able to build a well of hope, know that there are tons of folks just like you who have been able to break the spiral cycle and stop chasing frisbees. You can do this, Gyro! I believe in you!

BigGyro09

Date posted: 19w

I just don't think I can do this because of those two thoughts. I just can't move on and I don't think I'll be able to really fully be at peace with myself because my thoughts feel like they're right and not intrusive thoughts. I remember sharing things that were aligned away from OCD and I feel like I was better off not doing that but the main thing was just trying to help this person with OCD the best I can. And the other incident while it doesn't always come up in my thoughts it does once in a while and it gives my a lot of distress. I haven't felt this terribly about my mental health in a long time

BigGyro09

Date posted: 19w

The only PCP I've found is a woman that has good reviews, a close location, and seems like a good pick, but I get a lot of intrusive thoughts about this and it just makes me more uncomfortable because I'm afraid anything I say will be creepy or just inappropriate. Then intrusive thoughts about being attracted to them is also really bothersome because that adds into the thoughts of being creepy. I get thoughts like "You just want to pick this person because she is good looking, that's creepy" and it makes me not want to choose them as a PCP but I really haven't found anyone else. I could try and look elsewhere but it's just been so difficult to find the right PCP. I just don't know what to do and I just feel helpless about everything that's been going on. I just hate dealing with this and I wish I could just find a way out for good

BigGyro09

Date posted: 22w

18+ only

Starting to think I have unresolved childhood trauma unfortunately. Health OCD is also driving my absolutely crazy but I'm too scared to go to my doctor. I worry about diabetes, illnesses, cancer, skin problems, etc. I just hope everything works out in the end. Right now I just can't do the things I love doing because I'm constantly worrying about everything. All of my worries are exacerbated and I just can't keep them away. They only come back.

BigGyro09

Date posted: 17w

Doubts 21+

My biggest issue with things in my life are not feeling confident in things I want to do and feeling doubtful combined with anxiety. It makes me not want to do a whole lot of things outside of my comfort zone because I either feel I'm not ready for them or I don't deserve them. In the back of my mind, my brain tells me that I've done something in relation to POCD because of porn when I was a teenager and a time I tried to help a minor with OCD. Or that I've committed sexual harassment because of a time I tried to zip up a bag but didn't tuck my arm and it touched someone's behind when really I just didn't want to keep listening to my OCD about how much of a bad person I would be or bad things would happen if I didn't tuck my arm. I thought I would just very slightly brush up contact and it wouldn't matter that much but it just ended up happening in the worst way. I remember how extremely depressed this made me and I just feel like I don't deserve to go on because of these kind of thoughts, memories, and worries. These worries are what keeps me down from really living my life. Another part of this is I feel I need to just have my needs met before I can really carry on in life I also know that I can't keep waiting for things to feel right when I need to do them. Is this a sign of Just Right OCD? Needing my feelings to feel just right in order for me to do someone I really want to? I act on my feelings more than I do my rational and it definitely shows in my anxiety. This stuff holds my back on my dream goals, trying to get experience with relationships, going to school, and just overall being happier and caring a lot less about anxiety. I don't know how to get rid of them. I just try to let them pass. Sometimes that works, sometimes that doesn't. Being up at night is a trigger for this for sure.

HOY

Date posted: 16w

i dont know if its gonna get better

since february i have "POcd". Initial symptoms were thoughts, but then I did a testing compulsion during an intimate time, and I spiraled ever since. I struggle with addiction to smut. I'm cutting that out, but I feel as if it is too late. Ive never experienced this much mental, and emotional anguish in my life. On my time on this application I have given advice to others, and helped around, but I wonder if that even applies to me. Millions of times I wish I could turn back time and be more careful. I want to prevent many things, including what led me to spiral into OCD in the first place. I'm surely having an OCD episode. I have gotten a diagnosis, but I'm still not sure. I feel evil, cause unlike many here, I tested on my body sensations and it backfired (twice) I know I'm not supposed to figure out why that is the case, but now I have to live with it for the rest of my life even if its something I don't desire. This is disgusting for me, it is abhorrent. I could've never seen this coming. Day by day I've become more fearful of living with this, "OCD". I was a normal person before this, I knew what I was attracted to, I know my preferences, so why did this come about? This is singlehandedly the most painful thing that has happened to me and I have nobody but myself to blame. I am scared of death but I also would'nt mind sleeping for years on end. My parents and brother were understanding of my situation, but I failed them regardless. I don't want them to see me this way, nor do I want them to learn more of my predicament. I'm cooked. I know it, Fin, thats all folks. I'm only 20 and I already have other diagnosed mental illness so I recklessly brought upon myself another one. Its agonizing to live through, I wish this on nobody, not even my worst enemy. I can't even identify myself at this point. Its tearing me apart.

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Life kinda just sucks right now 18+ only

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