Ocd and anxiety

I’m sorry to hear you’re going through this rough time with your friends. Given the way it feels OCD takes full control of our lives, it’s totally understandable it’s easier to isolate than to deal with the discomfort of feeling misunderstood. I too went through a similar phase and felt like I was the flakey and unreliable friend, and honestly, it’s because I was being one. In my effort to preserve my energy and not deal with my fears of “contaminating others” I stayed far away and wouldn’t make plans. But boy oh boy was life lonely AF. So I decided to evaluate my friendships and judge the character of each to determine if me sharing my diagnosis of OCD would be treated with the respect and care it deserves. And once I decided who I could trust with that information, not fully knowing if they would react the way I wanted them to, I took a leap of faith in the power of friendship and shared my OCD struggles with them. And that was a game changer. My chosen friends who genuinely cared about me were receptive and willing to learn more about what OCD was and provided support as best they could. Their initial efforts and willingness to help me was good enough and with time it’s gotten better. Now, whenever my contamination fears try to get in the way, I’m able to openly say I’m having anxiety and need a moment without concern for being perceived as “weird” or anything negative. Or if my anxiety is too high and I’m not able to cope or prone to an anxiety attack, I can comfortably say so and skip on an event knowing they understand and I’ll be invited to the next one. My advice to you would be to evaluate which friends are worth having in your life and who would be willing to understand you and provide support when needed, and the necessary grace to cancel plans or skip out on events with full understanding that it’s for your betterment and not because you’re being a “fake friend”. As my OCD therapist will say, “I’m going to help you get comfortable being uncomfortable”, I’d invite you to be comfortable with some discomfort as you test the waters. Sometimes, even when I have anxiety, I choose to go out anyways and have contingency plans. Or I’ll tell my friends ahead of time so they know I may be a little off in the beginning and need some time to adjust as my social anxiety can spike throughout our hangout. Plus, in being so open and honest (mind you without having to divulge every detail and thought about my OCD experience because that’s not necessary to be understood) I’ve learned some of my friends also deal with anxiety and we’ve been able to share about how we cope and have gotten even closer. Be open to being open with your friends, and know that if they don’t respect and provide the support you need during these times you may be better off finding new friends. Hopefully you won’t have to, but know that sometimes in moments like these, you get to really meet people and who they are and you decide what to do with that new information. Wishing you the best!

I am a big fan of the book Dying of Embarrassment for social anxiety. It is an older book, but still has good bones to it. I think that you will find what it has to say to be very spot on. Also, welcome to the NOCD community. I hope that you find it to be a helpful tool to you. And, if you are looking for help for anything, feel free to reach out to us at NOCD.com - we have therapists who are waiting by the be able to meet with you and get you the help that you need. I hope that you will take advantage of all that is available to you here.