@ Patrick McGrath,
Hi,
I agree.
People who are struggling with their OCD are stuck - they are being tricked by their OCD which triggers their Fight, Flight, or Freeze response. When this occurs, it "feels so real." We have been trained our whole life to believe that when we feel that level of fear we are in danger. OCD can hijack this system and trick people into believing they are in significant danger when, in reality, they are just experiencing a thought, image, or urge. But, it does not just rely on fear. OCD can also use shame, guilt, disgust, and any other emotion necessary to get someone to do a compulsion.
In that above statement, what happens when you have and are experiencing that direct threat? Do you still ignore and train these chemical reactions inside of you to STOP?
I will live the rest of my life and arrive at ZERO tombstone on the day of my death and say, "I had a blast, that was fun!"
Not being facetious; true.
In my understanding, yes - OCD wants me to live in fear, telling me that I can not achieve something that is not achievable - certainty. So, I reject to live the life that OCD wants you to live.
I fight against negative thinking. My siblings instilled this so deeply in me by adopting family traits. I try everyday to be mindful and to not do that. It use to mean so much to me what my siblings thought now it doesn't even matter. Because I struggled so hard trying to be what they wanted me to be, or said I should, and once my achievements went above their expectations and they still showed me no grace. I said F'em. What they thought definitely became meaningless and obsolete to me. I then realized that it was a personal dislike, that took me a long time to understand that. It was just human behavior even within and from family members. I had to accept that. And continued to live.
I have also accepted that OCD is full of lies, and took steps toward learning that I can live with what OCD says while not believing what OCD says. I do experience intrusive thoughts, I have known that I was not being realistic and my thoughts was a fantasy of how if felt. I USE TO FEED it and create an entire book about it. Gave it life and wrote its store (probably through therapeutic redemption). But then their was times I want blood to be spilled therefore, those written words ... once written, torn up and burned.
True self, even if family was involved or not.
I really truly respect people who really do want to see a person struggling within back to the other side. I appreciate it. Because I am too that person with that passion. I understand the difficulties in helping more than others, I have experienced the exhaustion in my passion, and too have learned to let go and allow the person to use what you gave, taught, or coached, and give them room to apply it. So they can test it for themselves. To give them thier own choice to live or die. (Not literally.)
My first step: When I knew for certain I was definitely not depressed. I was running the streets so hard it just was no way.
True: My close friends and (the stupid) family member thought I was doing Crack or Coke. Because they recognized how hard I ran and how hard I fell.
Just like in grade school and high school, who sent note home from me to be tested for using drugs. That has been the theme in my life.
FAMILY & FRIENDS: Meaning, when I did have time off from work or a schehedged time off from work, I literally, literally would hide my car behind the house, a building, leave it parked at a grocery store parking lot, sitting in front of one of my siblings house that I was not even speaking to in order to "have a sleep vacation. " To rest. This was before I knew I had narcolepsy. I had to do this to slow my world down, stop people from calling me to go places with them. I didn't know how to say, "No" then. I would sleep for about 2 days, really snore. Still today keep a large water next to my bed. Sleep, pass, and drink water, that's it. Phone off, blinds closed, did not answer door bell... didn't even try to go see who it was. Just want to rest.
Did that for many years. Because know was understanding to my need to sleep so much and I had to take those moments that I needed. I was shamed for being so young and needing that much sleep. So I had to hide it.
My questions is, how does narcolepsy and ADHD with OCD co-exist in a healthy way of life? My fight or flight comes with me protecting myself from what others don't understand. Then I feel I am being attach when I'm drilled and questioned the how's, what's, where's and when's. I am so over it, it's draining to prove what's going on with YOU over and over again to ever single person who had doubt in their words, tone and behavior.
Who Wants to claim any of this is it is not true. Why, would someone do that?
I have never ask for a disability check, never, because it serves me better to work. Having all this time my hand is nice but it is a compulsion I was happy to break. Sleeping when life got too hard. Sleeping does not help, and it will manifest depression if you do not have the skills to stop it. Thank God I do!
It's sad sometimes to me when those how pretend they are empathetic to these things but they are not. And the only people who I see that really are only are those who share a diagnosis within the same. I am happy for that and appreciate it.
But how do you co-exist with the other people who wants to write you off as crazy and incapable. Wants you to accept it and write yourself off as well. What if it is not only OCD and its lies what if it is today, present day - reality?
And all your life you have excelled in all that you was not supposed to be able to do???
Sorry, I focused on me because I need help. I am able to see my faults and wrongs, able to listen and willing to learn more.
I enjoy living. I know how and it's a beautiful thing. People hide their disabilities because others will treat you differently when they know. They question how you were able and capable. And then questions everything about you. It's terrible to have to prove yourself to everyone single person when your history well defines it and proves it. WHY must you continue to prove everything that is already written in stone?
