[Deleted]
- Date posted
- 14w
AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 14w
I’ve had this feeling before in my OCD. Honestly the more you analyze a person, you can kind of focus in on their unattractive qualities or sometimes they just aren’t as attractive as other times. I’ve learned that these feelings of visual attractiveness (like many “feelings”) kind of fluctuate and for me that fluctuating is part of just being a human. The thought is real, but at least for me in my relationship, the feeling of attraction come and go in terms of appearance or feelings. The OCD wants you to try and figure out if these thoughts mean something bigger and scarier, like maybe something is just not ever going to feel right abou the person. That’s kind of where the lie or deceptiveness is.. In my case, there are times where it just hits me and my wife is so attractive, and other times I look at her and feel nothing or even think maybe she’s not pretty or has a weird nose or something. I don’t think OCD just focuses on lies, it also makes normal or fleeting things into a big persistent, eclipsing dilemma. When maybe those fluctuations should just kind of come and go like the weather and pass on through. Similarly, finding another person attractive is pretty common among all people but OCD will fixate on this too. Anyway, hopefully this is encouraging as I’ve been right where you are and thankfully don’t feel plagued with this flavor anymore.
- User type
- Therapist
- Date posted
- 13w
Hello, When practicing using ERP, more focus tends to be placed on the compulsion rather than labeling the thoughts. From what you mentioned it appears you feel the need to compulsively confess to your partner. Working with an ERP trained therapist might be helpful in identifying what compulsions are coming up and how to sit with the uncertainty/uncomfortable emotions created by obsessions. If you are not currently working with an ERP therapist, it may be helpful to know that all of our therapists with NOCD are trained ERP therapists. I'm adding a link to a video below, which discusses ERP. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fEWzOAGaypY
AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 13w
This has recently happened to me. I find it helps to go back to your values. Somtimes, in some lighting or position people can be ugly.. or at least uglier. Have you ever gotten your picture taken from a bad angle? In this case our values can inform us or maybe I can love my partner even if they are ugly. What if they get burned badly or get mauled by an animal? Would I stop loving them just because she they aren’t beautiful? Maybe don’t think too much into it? Ok, I think you’re ugly right now. So what?
Related posts
anonn
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 25w
ROCD intrusive thoughts
no clue if this is compulsive, but I’m interested to hear any obsessions others have that aren’t the “common” ones you see online about what ROCD is? a few for me: - thoughts about their partner being with someone else instead (sometimes a specific person) and then trying to analyze your reaction to it? e.g. does it *feel* more right than us, do I actually feel happy for them, etc. - trying to imagine your partner in your current situation or maybe a specific future situation (when they’re not around) and trying to decide if they “fit” in it? - being super scared of losing them, then suddenly feeling like you don’t care much for them at all, and just constantly cycling? - I almost never fully enjoyed sex because I was constantly obsessing about whether or not I was turned on, turned on “enough,” if I was just having groinal responses and wasn’t actually turned on, looking at his face just to decide if I find him attractive enough, comparing my experience with how I feel watching content alone, etc.
Mk3
- Date posted
- 8w
Rocd
I thought I was doing so well. But then my partner accidentally & unknowingly triggered me by jokingly saying about himself that “he’s pretty ugly anyways.” My thought of thinking he looks ugly sometimes is the main thing my ocd revolves around. Now I feel like I SHOULD be distressed over this thought after him jokingly saying this. Ugh
Mariabae
- Date posted
- 7w
panic. scared. it feels real
Right now I feel like I’ve realized something awful. Like maybe… I never truly loved my boyfriend. Maybe in the beginning I was just excited to be in a relationship. Maybe I confused that excitement with real love. And when the intrusive thoughts started, maybe it wasn’t ROCD — maybe it was the truth hitting me. I write this and it feels real. That’s the scariest part. It feels calm and clear and like maybe I’ve just been lying to myself all along, holding on because I “should,” not because I truly want to. I can’t remember how it felt to love him — and that makes it worse. I feel so disconnected, so numb, like nothing makes sense anymore. Every time I try to feel something for him, it feels like I’m faking it. Like I’m playing a role, not being myself. But the thing is… I’m not at peace. If this was really the truth, why does it hurt so much? Why does this “realization” come with panic, guilt, emptiness, and so much fear? I don’t want to hurt him. I don’t want to lose him. But I also don’t want to keep living like this — doubting myself, my feelings, and my past. I feel like I’m stuck in a cycle I can’t break, and I’m scared I’ll always feel this way. Has anyone ever felt like this before?
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