Deleted post.

You aren’t a bad person at all. We’ve all done stuff as kids. Kids are kids. Would you bully your younger self? I always say that to myself “why am I bullying 12 year old me?”. Kids are learning. Trying to figure it out. Time to forgive yourself. And I would recommend getting into church and learning about Jesus- because He doesn’t see you the way you see you. He wants to free you from this lie. You are loved.

I get that. I'm not going to lie I was a bitch of a child. From my mom's own mouth I was her worst child. I regret it, so much. For hurting my family. I can't seem to fix my relationship with them though. Not really. I'm moved out, my younger siblings are still home, things aren't great but it's so much better without me. I can't seem to fix things for good. I fight to no end with my parents. They trigger me for some reason. They talk and eat at the same time, don't chew with their mouths closed, even hand motions. Or touching me. I can't physically handle it. They think I'm just fucked up, they've said it before. They don't think OCD is anything big. My whole life my mom has told me that I'm acting like a child, and I need to grow up. My dad and sisters say I'm messed up and things like that. I don't really count that as trauma. I can handle my OCD most times in public and work. But with my family I can't. Not for long, I try to go to another room or ignore them but it's so hard. And they just don't understand.