POCD

I have no idea anymore. I guess this all started with me worrying about whether I was gay, then whether I was a P, then worried about being just attracted to teenagers. After that I started freaking out about not feeling “grown up” enough. Like “I’m an adult wtf is wrong with me for seeing someone who is probably younger and thinking they’re physically attractive. Then I started overthinking not finding older adults (like 30 or 40) very attractive. Like ofc I’m probably not gonna find them attractive, they’re not anywhere close my age. Maybe the desires are half real. Maybe as a 21 yr old young adult I do find older teenagers (16+) somewhat physically attractive. I still think it’d be weird to date one. Maybe that’s the normal reaction I’m supposed to have. If not, please let me know. I just don’t wanna do anything illegal one day and I’m super scared I will. I can’t tell if the fear is my just being afraid of the law though, in which case I might actually just be a bad person. I hate that my brain is just rationalizing thoughts now. I feel like I can’t do the ERP thing of “just accept that the thoughts are there but don’t engage.” Like what? How can I just think a thought that might be so integral to my identity and just ignore it? If it’s all true and I don’t like people my age anymore then I have to know and plan around that, that could change my entire life. I’m rambling, my b.

Anyone with pocd in the subset of teens/ fear of being attracted to teens have any advice? I never see anyone talking about it and it’s making me go a lil cray lmao

So I just read a Reddit post about how this guy found out that he was a pedo because of how he started feeling that he was still attracted to middle schoolers as a 14 year old in high school and it never changed even when he got into adulthood. I’m currently under the age of 16 and I’m worried of my attraction feelings I felt towards some kids I’ve seen on social media and real life, I’m not sure if they are false or not. I have gotten a diagnosis, I remember lying on 2 questions, saying I didn’t feel aroused and that i don’t enjoy the thoughts n feelings. I’m not sure if i enjoy the thoughts and feelings, and now im worried i about it, i dont feel worry dread panic or shame and disgust when I get those thoughts and feelings anymore. I also remember that when i was 14 I felt attracted to a 12 or 11 year old, i kept going back to look at her idk why, but i think that i was worried because I didn’t want to be attracted to younger aged ppl. Im worried that all of these feelings of attraction aren’t false and that they are a reflection of who i am. I do not wish to be a pedo, nor do I wish to like kids. I know that I won’t hurt kids, but I’m scared that I am a pedo because of the feelings I get. I don’t understand myself anymore, I hope it’s pocd not actual pedophilia, I don’t trust that diagnosis I got because of those 2 questions I lied on, I said that i don’t like those thoughts n feelings even though I don’t know if I really do or not, can someone please help me? Idk what I have anymore, I don’t want it to be pedophilia