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These sound like intrusive thoughts to me. God knows your heart and he knows you didn’t mean it even if you think you did. First of all if you didn’t care you wouldn’t be lamenting over it enough to admit your regret. On the other hand you not caring when you first had that thought was probably because your reaction was “woah that’s was weird, anyways.” which is the correct response to intrusive thoughts. Then your ocd kicked in and was like “but you should be worried about this what’s wrong why aren’t you worried” and then you spiral. I know from personal experience. I know you said you’re not a very religious person but If it’s ok I will keep you in my prayers for your peace and comfort. God knows how hard this is. Keep going friend❤️

It's all OCD

Thats not "Thee" God you are connecting with. They wouldn't connect with those kind of thoughts...

I think the praying is OCD too