Counseling

@Kimberly Summerhays Could I ask you a question if this follows the lines of an OCD process? I've been diagnosed with POCD through my therapist.

@Anony1314 - I will definitely try to answer the question, but I cant treat you, so with that I will have to say...Maybe?

@Kimberly Summerhays I have been diagnosed with POCD with my therapist. My mind/OCD told me I had already abused my child by breathing when they were laying across me and that I might as well do something else to hurt them. I had to think for a second, but the only thing that came to mind was to move my elbow towards their groin area to cause a "feeling". Well I did just that, and I ended up grazing their groinal area and it caused a disgusting unwanted feeling. I IMMEDIATELY wanted to throw up and panicked. I also asked my child to move off of me immediately. It went against my morals, beliefs, and values as an individual and mother. I can't stop thinking about it and it's very debilitating. I didn't enjoy a single moment of it. But my question to you guys is am the monster that I've always been scared of being? Do I belong in the ground? Do I deserve to have a wonderful life and wonderful, perfect child?

@Kimberly Summerhays I'm sorry. Just wanted to know if it follows the lines of a POCD process? I felt so much guilt, shame afterwards! I wanted to throw up.

@Anony1314 - YOU ABSOLUTELY DO not belong in the ground. OCD attacks morals and beliefs. People With POCD DO NOT want to harm their children and are disgusted by the thought. A situation like this falls in line with what we see every day here at NOCD. Please continue to get help and take a look at our NOCD channel on You Tube.

@Anony1314 - Please dont feel bad. See below. I wish I could personally help you, but keep seeking treatment :)

@Kimberly Summerhays Thank you!! A friend I had on Facebook told me that she was told she had assaulted her child by a mental health hotline with a similar situation. I am very depressed by what she told me and it's made me question if I assaulted her when I did that with my elbow... but I ultimately regretted it and it didn't align with my morals or values AT ALL. I felt so much regret and still do. Although it felt wanted at the moment, it clearly wasn't

@Anony1314 Yes you do deserve to live a happy life. You do not belong in the ground bc of your OCD. Yes you do deserve and have a beautiful life amd child. Ocd is the monster. You yourself have to believe that you deserve a happy life. Ocd will convince you that you are a sicko.. but you are NOT. The trick is to not avoid the thoughts let them be there but know that they are not the truth. Compulsions are something your brain does to try and avoid those distressing thoughts in the first place. The fact that it's debilitating means that you are not a predator. The thought is disgusting amd does not go along with your motherly instincts. Ocd will try and get its nails under the fact thst you are a devoted amazing mother. Start asking yourself questions that prove that you are a good mother. Ocd will make you think that everyone is judging you or believes what you are thinking but that is the biggest lie ocd tells. I get where your coming from to an extent. I've had thoughts like that but I'm not a parent. So I can't imagine that feeling at the same time of wanting to love your child but also being terrified of yourself because of the OCD thoughts.

@Kimberly Summerhays @Kimberly Summerhays Thank you!! A friend I had on Facebook told me that she was told she had assaulted her child by a mental health hotline with a similar situation. I am very depressed by what she told me and it's made me question if I assaulted her when I did that with my elbow... but I ultimately regretted it and it didn't align with my morals or values AT ALL. I felt so much regret and still do. Although it felt wanted at the moment, it clearly wasn't

@Kimberly Summerhays Sorry just wanted you to read the above I sent

@Kimberly Summerhays Just if you could answer what I asked above please I'm sorry. Just REALLY Struggling

@Anony1314 - Seeking counseling support is important, and exploring options like texting shows you're trying to find what works best for you. While text support can be helpful for some things, specialized treatment for conditions like OCD often involves specific techniques, like learning to let thoughts pass without giving them too much importance, which might be best suited for interactive sessions. Help is here at NOCD and we can assist you in finding outside help if needed too. As a mother, my heart goes out to you, and remember that no mother is perfect 100% of the time, but you want to be the best mother you can and it really shows. I wish you the best and the best treatment. Please try to give yourself grace. Also here are some helpful resources: https://www.treatmyocd.com/my-ocd-journey/looking-fear-in-the-face-and-not-running https://www.treatmyocd.com/blog/counselor-vs-therapist/ https://www.treatmyocd.com/what-is-ocd/common-fears/phone-call-anxiety-6-things-it-could-mean

@Kimberly Summerhays Thank you!! A friend I had on Facebook told me that she was told she had assaulted her child by a mental health hotline with a similar situation. I am very depressed by what she told me and it's made me question if I assaulted her when I did that with my elbow... but I ultimately regretted it and it didn't align with my morals or values AT ALL. I felt so much regret and still do. Although it felt wanted at the moment, it clearly wasn't

@LILBOIIBRENT Even though I did move my elbow to hit her groinal area because of a thought, I'm still okay right?

@LILBOIIBRENT It didn't align with my values or morals AT ALL

@Kimberly Summerhays I'm just very debilitated by it all.. I appreciate you giving me support. I had some hope today till my friend triggered me. I thought because my values and morals didn't align with what happened proved it was OCD although it really happened

@Kimberly Summerhays Is that true?

@Kimberly Summerhays Sorry again. It just all really happened and it's debilitated me into thinking I don't deserve this wonderful life I have.

@Kimberly Summerhays I just feel like a true bad person and mother. I want to be able to have more kids, but I just feel like because I allowed this to happen I don't deserve anything in the world. I just need someone to tell me it's POCD.

@Anony1314 Yes you are still totally fine. You're still a great mom. " You didn't intentionally do anything to purposely hurt your child did you? No you didn't." That's the inner talk you need to start establishing for yourself. Have those little talks to yourself. It's all just OCD at play.

@Anony1314 You're not allowing anything to happen. Ocd is just attacking the things you care about deeply so every rhought or action is going to be over analyzed and blown up into thinking you are this way and thats all. But that is the lie. Ocd is creating in your head.

@LILBOIIBRENT Hey friend. Thank you!! Even though it was "intentional" because I did what i thought to do, I felt so so guilty for it. I did do it because it's what I had thought to do and did it. It felt like I wanted to but in reality I felt so much shame and guilt afterwards. That right there proves OCD right? I mean I've felt terrible since. Wasn't enjoyable at all

@Anony1314 Yess that proves that it's still OCD. Bc you didn't really wanna do that. Ocd made you think you should but knowingnly wanting to hurt your child hand having a ocd compulsions are two separate things even though it feels like your doing it intentionally. It's still ocd bc it doesn't go along with your morals or beliefs. It's scary I know. But keep thinking those thoughts of thats an ocd patterns so you can Name it to Tame it. Good luck today I know it's hard but you are a great mother and deserve to feel loved and loving!! Keep on self care and talk kind to yourself in those moments. It's hard but it can be done.

@LILBOIIBRENT Thank you!! I mean it really really felt like I wanted to do it in the moment. That's what TERRIFIES me. I literally had to think and it felt like well what would I do? And that's what I thought of. SO scary. But the feelings afterwards prove it's OCD correct, you know?

@Anony1314 Yesss exactly. So just keep telling yourself thst you know the truth and naming the ocd when it feels awful. It's hard rn but you will get through it!

@LILBOIIBRENT I'm struggling again this evening because I'm trying to recall how much I panicked when that happened. I remembering panicking because I thought my life was over and it felt so intentional. I don't remember thinking "oh I enjoyed that so much". I remember asking my child to move off me which I feel like shows I didn't want to do that. I mean wouldn't I have kept on and done something else if I was a p and not stopped? I also went straight to my mom after I went back to sleep and she was awake to tell her what happened and thought I had ruined my life. Now it's grown to even greater regret weeks that have passed since. I feel like a bad mom. I feel depressed etc.

@Anony1314 Yea you would have acted any differently if you were a p.. I think now reminiscing and ruminating on the what ifs and all of that. But tell yourself point blank no matter what intrusive thoughts comes through my mind I did not have harmful intentions towards me child. Say that to yourself in your mind or outloud in your room or something. It's important for your brain to hear yourself tell yourself something other than what your ocd brain is convincing you of.