I feel like a horrible person who doesn’t deserve to live. So even when I start feeling better I feel like I don’t deserve that. I just feel like a bad person who doesn’t care about anyone
If this were a test you would pass because horrible people don’t question thoughts or feelings about others. Next time you have a negative intrusive thought. Call it out like “hey! I hear you but that’s not true and it’s time you leave”
Sometimes the nature of the intrusive thoughts can really convince you that you are a horrible person and don’t deserve to be alive, etc. Therapist said OCD attacks the things you love/care about the most. Repeat some of the suggestive words to ease the strain of OCD
You’re so worthy of love and life, friend. I don’t know what may be troubling you but I can guarantee you are not alone 💕
@RadiantlyRedeemed Thank you It’s just that I’m going through a very rough patch and my partner is helping me but I feel like a horrible person because I feel like (and I’m convinced) that if the roles were reversed I wouldn’t really want to help and wouldn’t mind if he died which makes me feel the most horrible person ever
@Camilla.r I’m sorry it’s so distressing for you, but that sounds exactly like an intrusive thought. When we’re depressed and we start having intrusive thoughts, we may get more numb in general. That could be why you’re convinced of these feelings, but they’re still intrusive. The fact that you are stressing about this in itself shows how much you love your partner.
Hi Camilla, Thank you for sharing your feelings. You are not alone. What you are feeling is temporary because you are reaching out for help! Keep it up 👍🏽 Depression doesn’t care about anyone.. but you are not your symptoms! We can have the flu but we don’t become the flu.
@D-Caffeinated Thank you It just feels so real I’ve had that thought even before my depression episode. I know it’s probably unlikely that I wouldn’t care especially if I’m really sad when I think of a break up but it feels so so real
@camilla.r Please allow yourself some grace and room for self-compassion. The replies that I see so far are very supportive. You are not alone, especially in the NOCD community where we support one another because we understand the feelings so much. You are not a horrible person, just a person with OCD and horrible intrusive thoughts. Those thoughts are not you. They are your OCD trying to grab your attention by clinging to what you care about most. You deserve to feel better and you deserve life. You may want to reach out to your therapist for some additional support or even join some of the NOCD support groups. I’ve found the groups to be really helpful. When other people share their stories, you will see that you are not alone. You’ve got this! ❤️
@SF18 Thank you so much I’ve had people supporting me thankfully and will go back to my parents for a bit. What difficult is that it doesnt only manifest as a thought but also as a feeling and a deep belief that it is just true
@Camilla.r I hear you and it must feel awful. I’m so sorry you’re having such a tough time! One thing I can offer is that you found a good place in NOCD where you can find help and tools to assist in getting through the rough patches. I wish you better days ahead.
i feel miserable, i don't know who to turn to anymore. i had very bad periods in my life where i felt depressed and suicidal for years but nothing compares to this, not only i feel depressed but my ocd is at an all time high. idk what to do i Just want to cry. i feel like I'm a monster and it feels reasonable to see myself this way. im a horrible person who doesn't deserve any of the good things in my life
I can't even look at myself in the mirror. I've spent the morning crying, and I feel like I don't deserve to. I feel like I'm a horrible person or a... you know. I'm so sick of this. I'm just so tired of everything. I don't see my psychiatrist until two weeks from now. How am I going to make it till then? :( Even writing this post, I feel like I'm deceiving everyone and that I'm actually a monster. I'm so convinced of this right now. I don't know what to do. I was literally okay a few days ago. I don't even know what's real and what's not, like... I think I do? But everything is so distorted. I can't stop replaying memories trying to figure things out. I really need my psychiatrist right now. I feel like I need to confess, like I've been trying so hard not to, but every person I see, I just keep thinking about how badly I want to ask them if I'm a bad person or not, and that makes me feel worse. A good person wouldn't feel the need to ask that over and over again, would they? What if I'm just seeking validation because I can't accept that?
I’m really depressed and lately life has been really really bad. Everyday, it’s like something horrible happens and my mind tries to make me forget it. My family life isn’t that great and everything is super tough for me. It’s like when I get better I go like a million steps back. I ended up doing something bad today:ended up becoming aggressive to myself and caused some ouchies) it hurt a lot and right now I’m really stressed and have been for a while. My mental well being has been extremely bad these days. I have obsessive compulsive disorder but for me it’s decently strong so it’s hard to contain, Complex-trauma, depression, and possibly ADHD. It’s an awful mix. My life is a living hell everyday. I’m not sure how much longer I can keep lying to myself to Myself that I’m getting better when in reality I’m in so much pain, it’s like I’m barely doing anything at all. Please, help, I’ve been acting not like myself. I want to live, even though it’s extremely difficult too and I rather much not be here, but people are counting on me and I don’t want to fail them. How can I convince myself to stay a little longer when I am fully burnt out from trying to get better? I’m in so much pain. I don’t know how to even deal with it. I’m so lost, I might lose it more, and I’m scared for myself. I feel like I don’t even deserve help. I’m so mentally unwell I can’t even think correctly. I hate everything and just want to sleep forever and ever. I’m so numb to it all. I don’t feel anything anymore.
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