I feel like a horrible person who doesn’t deserve to live. So even when I start feeling better I feel like I don’t deserve that. I just feel like a bad person who doesn’t care about anyone
If this were a test you would pass because horrible people don’t question thoughts or feelings about others. Next time you have a negative intrusive thought. Call it out like “hey! I hear you but that’s not true and it’s time you leave”
Sometimes the nature of the intrusive thoughts can really convince you that you are a horrible person and don’t deserve to be alive, etc. Therapist said OCD attacks the things you love/care about the most. Repeat some of the suggestive words to ease the strain of OCD
You’re so worthy of love and life, friend. I don’t know what may be troubling you but I can guarantee you are not alone 💕
@RadiantlyRedeemed Thank you It’s just that I’m going through a very rough patch and my partner is helping me but I feel like a horrible person because I feel like (and I’m convinced) that if the roles were reversed I wouldn’t really want to help and wouldn’t mind if he died which makes me feel the most horrible person ever
@Camilla.r I’m sorry it’s so distressing for you, but that sounds exactly like an intrusive thought. When we’re depressed and we start having intrusive thoughts, we may get more numb in general. That could be why you’re convinced of these feelings, but they’re still intrusive. The fact that you are stressing about this in itself shows how much you love your partner.
Hi Camilla, Thank you for sharing your feelings. You are not alone. What you are feeling is temporary because you are reaching out for help! Keep it up 👍🏽 Depression doesn’t care about anyone.. but you are not your symptoms! We can have the flu but we don’t become the flu.
@D-Caffeinated Thank you It just feels so real I’ve had that thought even before my depression episode. I know it’s probably unlikely that I wouldn’t care especially if I’m really sad when I think of a break up but it feels so so real
@camilla.r Please allow yourself some grace and room for self-compassion. The replies that I see so far are very supportive. You are not alone, especially in the NOCD community where we support one another because we understand the feelings so much. You are not a horrible person, just a person with OCD and horrible intrusive thoughts. Those thoughts are not you. They are your OCD trying to grab your attention by clinging to what you care about most. You deserve to feel better and you deserve life. You may want to reach out to your therapist for some additional support or even join some of the NOCD support groups. I’ve found the groups to be really helpful. When other people share their stories, you will see that you are not alone. You’ve got this! ❤️
@SF18 Thank you so much I’ve had people supporting me thankfully and will go back to my parents for a bit. What difficult is that it doesnt only manifest as a thought but also as a feeling and a deep belief that it is just true
@Camilla.r I hear you and it must feel awful. I’m so sorry you’re having such a tough time! One thing I can offer is that you found a good place in NOCD where you can find help and tools to assist in getting through the rough patches. I wish you better days ahead.
I’m really depressed and lately life has been really really bad. Everyday, it’s like something horrible happens and my mind tries to make me forget it. My family life isn’t that great and everything is super tough for me. It’s like when I get better I go like a million steps back. I ended up doing something bad today:ended up becoming aggressive to myself and caused some ouchies) it hurt a lot and right now I’m really stressed and have been for a while. My mental well being has been extremely bad these days. I have obsessive compulsive disorder but for me it’s decently strong so it’s hard to contain, Complex-trauma, depression, and possibly ADHD. It’s an awful mix. My life is a living hell everyday. I’m not sure how much longer I can keep lying to myself to Myself that I’m getting better when in reality I’m in so much pain, it’s like I’m barely doing anything at all. Please, help, I’ve been acting not like myself. I want to live, even though it’s extremely difficult too and I rather much not be here, but people are counting on me and I don’t want to fail them. How can I convince myself to stay a little longer when I am fully burnt out from trying to get better? I’m in so much pain. I don’t know how to even deal with it. I’m so lost, I might lose it more, and I’m scared for myself. I feel like I don’t even deserve help. I’m so mentally unwell I can’t even think correctly. I hate everything and just want to sleep forever and ever. I’m so numb to it all. I don’t feel anything anymore.
i’ve done so many horrible things and i’m just so scared that i don’t deserve anything good in life
i feel depressed. i’m so tired of living with constant guilt, fear, and pain. i feel so lost and lifeless. i feel like i’m not living for myself anymore. i'm so done with my life. i really hate myself. it’s all my fault. everything that goes wrong and everything that keeps happening to me is all my fault. i feel sorry for the people who have me in their lives. they don’t deserve someone like me. this world doesn’t deserve a person like me. i can’t do this anymore. every night, i keep crying. i just don’t want to wake up the next morning, yet i keep waking up. for me, another day is another suffering. i hate myself so much. i don’t deserve anything good. i hate my really bad and dark thoughts, and i can’t tell whether they are truly mine or not. the guilt is eating me alive, and i feel hopeless and undeserving of forgiveness. my family doesn’t know about my struggles, and i don’t want them to. i don’t want to be a burden or make them feel like they failed as parents. i don’t want to make their lives any harder. i just hate my religious ocd. sometimes i think i’m just making it an excuse. i feel sorry for God and Jesus for being this kind of person. i wish i wasn’t born into this world. i can’t continue living like this. i feel like i’m going insane. i’m just accepting that i’m horrible, and that all those bad thoughts are mine. that i'm disrespectful and a terrible person. i'm not suicidal. i’m just so tired of living like this. i'm not expecting happiness or anything good because i don’t deserve any of it. i feel like a disgusting person. i hate that someone like me still has the courage to show up every day around other people. i deserve all the pain and to drown in it. i just want to vent about what i really feel right now because it feels so heavy and unbearable. i don’t want to make others’ lives miserable or hurt God anymore.
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