Can’t stop the what if thoughts

@Anonymous What was your erp like I’m so scared. Congrats on conquering ocd that’s an amazing thing!

@Anonymous The thoughts are what if I did something to harm myself:(

@Anonymous One of my thoughts is about a balcony and what if

@Stacey353 Thank you appreciate it! I practiced every single day for about an hour total and still do. I purposely trigger myself to a thought that is bothering me, and then without doing a compulsion will just stick with it until it gets to a point where it really doesn’t bother me, but of course at first it feels very real and uncomfortable, but you just gotta stay with it until you get there. No matter what theme it is, the process is the same when it comes to erp. Like for you when you have that self harm intrusive thought, just say something like “yes I could really do this, I might just jump off this balcony and die” which I know sounds super counterintuitive but that’s how erp works. You really have to immerse yourself in those feelings and embrace that feeling of risk that you may do it, and eventually it kind of just subsides to a point where it barely bothers you. I promise I know how hard it sounds, but once you go through erp successfully you really start to notice these thoughts losing power. You just have to simply do it to know. I was once where you are and it’s definitely possible to get better. I really hope you get through this because you deserve it!

@Anonymous Did you have harm ocd?

@Stacey353 Yeah I did along with many other themes. It was both directed at myself and other people.

@Anonymous Ok so you understand

@Anonymous My biggest fear is I’m going to open the door of a moving car and jump out. It’s an urge I get and it terrifies me

@Anonymous And what if I lose control and go crazy and do something I don’t want to do. Like what if my mind just makes me do it

@Stacey353 Yes I promise I do, I had it really bad I completely understand what you’re going through

@Stacey353 Yeah I know how that feels trust me. But unfortunately you just have to fully accept that you may do it which I know how hard that is at first, but with practice you can get there. Do you have an erp trained therapist?

@Anonymous Yes I do and I feel like I need to go to a psych ward

@Anonymous :(

@Anonymous But I don’t want to do these things

@Stacey353 I really understand, but once you do them and get better at them, your ocd will hardly bother you anymore. Just remember that compulsions only keep you in the cycle longer. Once you resist compulsions enough you eventually break the cycle. You have to learn to be okay with the uncertainty of maybe doing these things. It really is so much easier said than done, but I promise it’s worth it 1000%. My life is basically back to normal after sticking with my erp.

@Anonymous Thank you so much. Did you ever worry you would act on your fears?

@Stacey353 I also felt like I was going insane trust me. OCD makes you feel that way, but you aren’t I promise.

@Stacey353 Of course all the time. It’s just another part of OCD.

@Anonymous I feel the same way

@Stacey353 It’s all I can think of and I don’t know what to do except isolate and try not to think about these things.

@Stacey353 I know that’s what you want to do and feel like would be the best option, but it really the opposite of what would be best for you. I think you should try to get out as much as you can, and when you get a thought like that don’t push it away but embrace it, because pushing it away only makes it come back stronger and gives it more power. If I could do it I know you can too.

@Anonymous Im literally in bed right now and I can’t be I have an 8 year old son I have to play with in this beautiful day but can’t. Thanks for all your advice and help I really appreciate it.

@Stacey353 It’s really no problem. I know you’ll muster up the strength to get better just like I did. I wish nothing but the best for you and your son 🫶

@Anonymous Thank you so much!

@Anonymous Can I ask you one last question? How do you sit with uncertainty if you’re thinking your actions could hurt you and you could die? Like the thoughts of jumping out of the car? How do you become ok with these what if thoughts? And be ok with yeah well what if you did jump out of the car and die?

@Stacey353 Whenever I felt an urge or had a very realistic feeling of doing something like that to myself or to another person, I would literally just dive into that really uncomfortable feeling. I would kind of just respond with “yep I have this urge right now and I could maybe just do it” and my anxiety would spike very high as I’m sure yours does, and it would almost feel like I was going to which obviously very scary. I would just keep making myself as anxious as I could with that thought, until it automatically just started to fade in feeling. Being okay with these thoughts just means that that feelings that comes with them will eventually get to a point where your anxiety is so low you barely pay attention to them and that you can live comfortably with them. Your mind literally just automatically habituates to them and you’ll feel a lot better, and start to learn to trust that your anxious feelings won’t be that strong forever, as long as you stick with the exposures. It’s really all about trusting that the super high anxiety, urges, and super real feelings that these thoughts give you will lower overtime. Don’t hesitate to ask any of these questions to your therapist either.

@Anonymous You are the best

@Stacey353 My pleasure to help. If you have anymore questions just lmk.

@Anonymous Did the urges ever go away?

@Stacey353 In a sense yeah, but not really ever fully. The goal of erp isn’t for them to go away but it’s more like when I have them the anxiety that comes with them is so low from staying consistent with my exposures that it’s basically not even a problem anymore. They happen like 100x less frequently and when they do happen it’s barely a problem.