Ridethewave
- Date posted
- 5y
Anna:)Anna:)
- Date posted
- 5y
hey girl lets talk! ill try too help you!
Ridethewave Ridethewave
- Date posted
- 5y
Hey, so my boyfriend and I have been together for almost 3 years and he is my first (and hopefully only) love. I have always grown up a loner and never received proper, consistent love from my parents. (biological father and step mother, my mother passed away when I was 2). So with that being said, I have intimacy issues. I love being intimate with my boyfriend but not too much because I like to keep a safe distance with any friendship/relationships I have. I never understood why. So, in my relationship now, I always had a thought that I had to leave. I didn't understand why because I loved him so much and didn't want to. So it started off with "I found that guy attractive, that must mean I have to leave my bf and I dont love him" made me feel guilty. Then, it went to "do I only see him as a friend? Oh no, that must mean I don't love him" made me feel sad and guilty even though I know I love him. And then the big one "what if you're a guy? Oh no, what does that mean, my bf won't want me if I'm a dude???" and I had that theme for 2 weeks. And then it switched to "what if I'm a lesbian?" and that theme has been taking over everything. So the break is for me to deal with my underlying intimacy issues, self esteem issues and to really put these thoughts into perspective. Because they all seem to tie right back to my relationship and fear of losing him. Does that make sense?
Ridethewave Ridethewave
- Date posted
- 5y
@NocturnalGyal The ultimate result of these thoughts is basically to take me away from my boyfriend (the only security and unconditional love I've ever felt) and bring me back to what I'm familiar with, loneliness.
Anna:)Anna:)
- Date posted
- 5y
yeah it does. i didnt have the last thoughts you said but i had the thoughts with my bf. like "do i love him" or "should i leave". I don't we have those thoughts much anymore if at all I don't know if it's because I was going through a tough time of being really stressed and just feeling alone and he was going off to college. I also tried not to be on medicine which didn't help I am back on medication so it definitely did help with the thoughts. also definitely a lot of things could be worse when you're around your period and stuff. because in your hormones are all over the place which makes it worse.
Ridethewave Ridethewave
- Date posted
- 5y
Yeah exactly! I've been crying so much and all my intrusive thoughts feel so so so much worse and it turns out that my period was just around the corner ? all this shit started really getting bad when I moved back home, started school and my boyfriend and I started talking about marriage ( we are both Muslim and our situation is very very complicated, but we are expected to get married once his family finds out about me so that completely adds on to the stresses and what ifs) so yeah. In a rational world, this all makes sense as to why my thoughts are going wild. But OCD doesn't understand logic and reason ? I'm hoping my new CBT therapist will help me navigate through this
Anna:)Anna:)
- Date posted
- 5y
i would talk too him about those thoughts your having . you do not have if you feel uncomfortable snd you dont have too mention any of the stuff your feeling but just say alot has been going on lately with yourself and talking about things may help. or talking too a therpist or a really close friend. it is all up too you.
Ridethewave Ridethewave
- Date posted
- 5y
Yeah Im in talk therapy right now and she's been amazing and that's why I've kind of come to this conclusion where I really have to focus on my self and stop putting so much emphasis on our relationship because I tend to put too much dependency on it. If I'm certain about anything, it's that I've found the person I want to spend and share my life with but I can't do that until I learn to love myself. So I'm looking at this break as a small sacrifice for a bigger gain. It'll be hard for both of us. Also, he's aware of my thoughts and completely understands what I'm going through. He wants to do whatever he can to get my mental health back on track :)
Anna:)Anna:)
- Date posted
- 5y
im glad that he understands and is caring. Of course you should always love yourself before others. and yes our brains can really mess with us, there like our own bully. and the things you think are just thoughts and not real. its hard though because what we think does feel real, even if someone says dont worry about it. Im glad your trying too better yourself and the reltionship and i have faith in you everything will work out just fine and you will feel better.
Anna:)Anna:)
- Date posted
- 5y
:)
Ridethewave Ridethewave
- Date posted
- 5y
Thank you so much girl! ♥️♥️ It feels nice hearing that from an outsiders perspective because of course, I have my fears surrounding the break but I feel hopeful for our relationship nonetheless :) thank you for hearing me rant and sharing your point of view. Goodluck to you!
Anna:)Anna:)
- Date posted
- 5y
@NocturnalGyal of course i love too help others feel better too!
Anna:)Anna:)
- Date posted
- 5y
even if you have no one too talk too, im always here too talk. like litreally the closet perosn i have is my bf, my friends really dont talk too me anymore and i get sad alot abo it that.
Ridethewave Ridethewave
- Date posted
- 5y
Me too, I tell my bf everything. But luckily I have my older sister, she's been like the rational/logic mastermind behind my OCD thoughts ? but you too! If you need someone to talk to. I'm here as well :)
Anna:)Anna:)
- Date posted
- 5y
yeah i tell my boyfriend everything, i tell him alot im like you know if you were anyone elsen i dont think they would off stuck around as much as he did with my problems. but he is a great boyfriend and im glad he is there for me.
Ridethewave Ridethewave
- Date posted
- 5y
Aww that's so cute. That'd the same with my boyfriend, he's litterally taken so much of my shit with this, even during my darkest times, he always reassured me that he wasn't going anywhere because I feared I was going to become annoying and he would avoid me or something. It's these types of moments you realize just how lucky you are to❤️
Anna:)Anna:)
- Date posted
- 5y
Same! i think we are just lucky that we know they care for us, because its hard too find people like that now a days. like i was telling him today that i felt like i was going too have a panic attack a couple times today, i didnt but i was anxious. dont know if it is because im almost done woth my period or what. hahahahaha
Ridethewave Ridethewave
- Date posted
- 5y
That's so funny because I'm litterally on my period too and my anxiety is thru the damn roof ? but yeah, I let my bf know too when I'm feeling numb, distressed, anxious and disassociated. He helps keep me grounded so much. It just sucks that these thoughts target the most important things to you, the very things that truly make you feel understood and loved ??
Anna:)Anna:)
- Date posted
- 5y
@NocturnalGyal ikr! and even though i am on medz obvi my OCD is still there too so certain things i cant do cuz off my fear of my own dumb head.
Anna:)Anna:)
- Date posted
- 5y
like right now i cant sleep because i feel anxious for some reason.
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