Compulsions

Less than a year ago, I had a very big anxiety flare up to the point that I felt as though I needed to report to the police / harm myself. I ended up leaving an anonymous tip at the police hotline about something that I know I didn’t even do but everything told me I had to or else I will go to jail. And similarly after that I called the help line and explained I had unwanted intrusive thoughts and I didn’t think I deserved to live for having those thoughts. After these many months and working with my therapist, I’ve been able to feel a lot less anxious around this topic and now I’m getting lots of anxiety about what I did that time when I was so anxious. I gave in to my compulsions and confessed for stuff that I know sounds bad saying out loud but only certain people will understand I would never do. So now I’m just looking for someone to relate and perhaps let me know that I don’t have anything to worry about? I know it’s bad to seek reassurance but I’m not sure where to go. And I’m worried I’m going to keep incriminating myself.

moon0270

Date posted: 35w

hi. i am so sorry that you've dealt with this and it's causing you so much stress :( i have similar fears and have thought about reporting myself at some points even though i know i didn't do anything either. OCD can feel very convincing and real at times. i can't offer much reassurance as i myself don't know and the uncertainty is scary. i don't think reassurance would even make this better in the long run. but i can tell you that you aren't alone. please never forget that 🤍

Michele32

Date posted: 35w

@moon027097 Thank you for the message. Just hearing this gives me a little more peace, I know like you said reassurance is wrong and not going to help in the long run. I guess I will have to work on accepting I will not know and dealing with it as it comes up.

moon0270

Date posted: 35w

@Michele32 just reading your post made me feel a little more comforted and seen so im grateful for your post as well. im glad i was able to bring you some comfort too. accepting uncertainty is really hard and it's probably one of the biggest struggles of having OCD (among many). you've been doing a great job. i hope it gets a bit easier with each day that passes :)

No matric ce...

Date posted: 35w

I'm sorry you are going through this can you give me examples of what you going through ?

Michele32

Date posted: 34w

@No matric certificate It’s hard for me to write out exactly what I did because I’m worried this will be a third instance where I can be traced back to these thoughts and possibly used against me.

No matric ce...

Date posted: 34w

If you can see your therapist please do,now if you saw a erp therapist he or she would of told you learning to live in a world of uncertainty-if your fear does come ture or happened you must be okay and you will figure out what to do and continue living life ,yes your fear is scary and goes against your morals and values rightly so ,do you agree or not ?

Michele32

Date posted: 34w

@No matric certificate I do agree with you. I completely agree that the more I resist the more it will persist and that I will always be tormented until I accept the uncertainty. For a while I was able to do so, but when the thought returned I have difficulty getting back to the point of accepting it.

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