Help please support

Amen! 🙏🏼

@RadiantlyRedeemed 👍👍👍

@Anony1314 That does sound triggering and I’m sorry you had to see that. But that situation is not yours and just remember what myself and others have said. You got this girl!

@RadiantlyRedeemed Although this happened elbow everything? I'm still not a p and deserve to have more kids? I'm not a criminal?

@Anony1314 Ephesians 1:7, Romans 5:8, Titus 2:11, Ephesians 2:8-9, Romans 3:23-24, 2 Corinthians 12:8-9 Read these Bible verses. Seriously, after you do then we can talk about what is in them. Don’t take my word for it, take the word of the Creator of the Universe. The One who created you and displays His love for you in these verses. (This is not me brushing you off but to encourage you in other ways) 💛

@RadiantlyRedeemed Thank you friend! Did you happen to report my comment? I'm sorry I got a notification that someone had. And do you think I'm a good person?

@Anony1314 I did not report your comment. I think you are a terrified person caught in the traps of OCD who is trying her best to be a good mom for her kid. I also really think that you should reread things you’ve sent to other people and that other people have said to you that has given encouragement. But seriously, you HAVE to make the decision yourself to let this be in the past and to look forward. You will spend your entire child’s childhood stressing over this and miss so many wonderful moments with your child because of it. And please, look to the verses I sent! Nothing I say will satisfy the OCD.

@RadiantlyRedeemed Thank you so much friend. I sure will. I appreciate you resonating with me being a fellow Christian and sending me these verses. I pray that you have many blessings coming your way! You are amazing.

@Anony1314 You’re very welcome. I hope that they may be of encouragement to you and I’m happy to find more verses for you just reply here. Perhaps it can be something you reread whenever you feel anxiety over this situation resurfacing. Reread them multiple times before making a post about this same situation and see if it helps you to feel empowered to let this situation stay in the past. I’ll be praying over you. In fact, I will stop and pray for you right now. 💛

@RadiantlyRedeemed I appreciate that SO much. I need those prayers more than you know right now.

@Anony1314 I prayed for you just a little bit ago and will continue to do so. Stay strong radiant daughter of God ✨💛

@RadiantlyRedeemed Thank you so much!! You honestly believe I'm a good person too right?

@Anony1314 By the time you asked that question, you had already asked me two hours before in another comment. This is when you have to let what people have told you be enough and leave this in the past! I JUST called you a “radiant daughter of God”

@Someone99 It all really happened though. My elbow did hit her groin after I thought to. I panicked immediately. I'm so scared

@Anony1314 That's the thing, it's not what did or didn't happen. It's you're response that is OCD typical. OCD attatches to what we value most. You value your kids, morals, etc.

@Anony1314 I had a moment the other day where my friends kid hugged my leg and their groin touched my shin and I was hyper aware and thought “am I p——??” It lasted a second, no one noticed, but I had a dark moment for a second. But just cause I had the thought doesn’t mean I am a p——. OCD is a liar and lied to me.

@JPMcGillicuddy It doesn't sound like OCD to you? I have a therapist

@JPMcGillicuddy I'm sorry

@Anony1314 It totally sounds like OCD! Is your therapist an OCD therapist? OCD requires specific therapy. Normal therapy can actually make it worse.

@JPMcGillicuddy Yes I have a specialized OCD therapist friend. And thank you! I'm struggling so bad today. I was doing better but a friend told me a situation that triggered me into thinking I'm a P. She said she thought she might have touched her child's groin with her hand. She reached out to mental health line and they said that if she did it was a crime even though she told them she had OCD. So now I'm thinking I'm a P and belong in jail for this. Ugh

@Anony1314 This is why it’s really important to seek someone with OCD experience with an understanding of POCD. The person on the help line was not an OCD therapist and doesn’t know what they are talking about.

@Someone99 Thanks friend. I'm still struggling today because I don't remember panicking immediately after it happened. I remember thinking what did I just do and asking my child to move off me. I remember going back to sleep because it was late at night, and I woke up hours later with extreme guilt and anxiety from it. I remember thinking I belonged in jail and wanted to turn myself in. I felt terrible. It stills eats me alive because it felt so wanted and real. When I know the anxiety it gave me afterwards means there is no way it could be, right? I didn't enjoy it. Wish it would've never happened.

@Someone99 Are you there friend

@JPMcGillicuddy I'm sorry

@JPMcGillicuddy Are you there

@Anony1314 Sorry I only see your message that says Sorry

@JPMcGillicuddy @JPMcGillicuddy My mind/OCD told me I had already abused my child by breathing when they were laying across me and that I might as well do something else to hurt them. I had to think for a second, but the only thing that came to mind was to move my elbow towards their groin area to cause a "feeling". Well I did just that and moved my elbow, and I ended up grazing their groinal area and it caused a disgusting unwanted feeling. I IMMEDIATELY wanted to throw up and panicked. I also asked my child to move off of me immediately. It went against my morals, beliefs, and values as an individual and mother. I can't stop thinking about it and it's very debilitating. I didn't enjoy a single moment of it. But my question to you guys is am the monster that I've always been scared of being? Do I belong in the ground? Do I deserve to have a wonderful life and wonderful, perfect child?

@JPMcGillicuddy I just commented again

@LouisianaLance No it didn't happen again. Same situation from a month ago

@AJ Rose Not great. Could I get some support from you.

@Anony1314 Yeah from this post or something else?

@AJ Rose From this post!

@AJ Rose My mind/OCD told me I had already abused my child by breathing when they were laying across me and that I might as well do something else to hurt them. I had to think for a second, but the only thing that came to mind was to move my elbow towards their groin area to cause a "feeling". Well I did just that and moved my elbow, and I ended up grazing their groinal area and it caused a disgusting unwanted feeling. I IMMEDIATELY wanted to throw up and panicked. I also asked my child to move off of me immediately. It went against my morals, beliefs, and values as an individual and mother. I can't stop thinking about it and it's very debilitating. I didn't enjoy a single moment of it. But my question to you guys is am the monster that I've always been scared of being? Do I belong in the ground? Do I deserve to have a wonderful life and wonderful, perfect child?

@Anony1314 I believe you deserve to have a happy and fulfilled life yes. You’re an asking mother and you have a disorder that causes intrusive thoughts. You are not your thoughts my friend and I hope you can overcome these thoughts one day.

@AJ Rose Thank you friend. Even though I did move my elbow because of the thought to do it, I'm still a good mother worthy of this life?

@Anony1314 Yeah you are I’m sure it was intentional!

@AJ Rose You mean wasn't? It felt like it was because I did what the thought told me to do. But however, I felt so much guilt shame, and wanted to throw up I feel it proves that it wasn't wanted and all OCD. Right? I mean even if it felt like I wanted to in the moment, right?

@Anony1314 Unintentional is definitely what AJ meant.

@Anony1314 Wasnt****

@JPMcGillicuddy Thank you

@JPMcGillicuddy It felt like it was intentional because I did what the thought told me to do. But however, I felt so much guilt shame, and wanted to throw up I feel it proves that it wasn't wanted and all OCD. Right? I mean even if it felt like I wanted to in the moment, right?

@AJ Rose It felt like it was intentional because I did what the thought told me to do. But however, I felt so much guilt shame, and wanted to throw up I feel it proves that it wasn't wanted and all OCD. Right? I mean even if it felt like I wanted to in the moment, right?

@AJ Rose Sorry just wanted to know if you view it the same way

@Anony1314 Yeah see you feel guilt and shame and you acted impulsively that’s out of your control. Hey sorry I started typing then got a call. You’re not a bad person my friend you’re an amazing mother I can tell because you feel guilty!

@Anony1314 YOURE NOT YOUR THOUGHTS 🩷🩷🩷

@AJ Rose I thought of what to do, did what I thought to do when I had to think of it and did it. Still impulsive right?

@Anony1314 Yes still impulsive. Some people get impulsive and then go and shave their head, impulsivity has no time limit on it even if you don’t react right away!

@AJ Rose Thanks friend. Now I'm struggling again. If you don't mind answering. I'm sorry in advance. I'm struggling again this evening because I'm trying to recall how much I panicked when that happened. I remembering panicking because I thought my life was over and it felt so intentional. I don't remember thinking "oh I enjoyed that so much". I remember asking my child to move off me which I feel like shows I didn't want to do that. I mean wouldn't I have kept on and done something else if I was a real p? I also went straight to my mom after I went back to sleep and she was awake to tell her what happened and thought I had ruined my life. Now it's grown to even greater regret weeks that have passed since. I feel like a bad mom. I feel depressed etc. but I'm like I don't remember the exact emotions other than I felt like a real p after it happened and regretted it. Idk I was just worried to lose my child too. I felt like I should just die.

@Anony1314 No you’re not a real p that’s why you didn’t keep on and yeah exactly you didn’t wanna do it you ask her to remove herself. Don’t be sorry you’re okay I’m here for you.

@AJ Rose Thanks friend. Thank you. Idk it's like my OCD is making me question everything from that situation when I thought I could move on.

@Anony1314 Yeah ocd the doubt disordee

@AJ Rose Yeah and it's the WORST

@Anony1314 I hope it gets better come back if you need

@AJ Rose I just keep questioning, did I really want it because in the moment omg I was like I want this let's move my elbow, but in reality I felt so much guilt after. I wouldn't feel guilt if it was real. I just felt like a P altogether and ugh now that makes me feel terrible too.

@Anony1314 You didn’t want it that’s why you feel guilty now. Reassurance is a compulsion ):

@Anony1314 Hey how are you

@AJ Rose Not so great. Because I can't remember feeling extremely guilty after it happened. I remember making my child move and thinking what have I done and then going back to sleep after it happened and waking up panicking.

@Anony1314 You still feel guilt and shame so you didn’t mean it

@AJ Rose Thank you friend!

@AJ Rose Normal bad people would've kept on too probably and not made their child move and thought what have I done

@Anony1314 Yeah that’s correct.

@lyanan66 Thank you!! Did you read what happened on my post friend?

@Anony1314 - wdym?

@lyanan66 The elbow thing friend I'm sorry

@lyanan66 I commented to some others above about it

@Anony1314 - yes i did see and like i said , you are not a bad mom!! it is unfair you suffer with these unwanted thoughts, but that doesn’t mean you don’t deserve a child! and again, if it made you grossed out at first it was a unwanted thought. i see you clearly felt uncomfortable, which is okay and yes that is ocd! i also struggle with the after thoughts of “but what if i did like it?” it’s always the “what if”s and i struggle with them myself. but i remember my first feeling after my negative action / thought was i was uncomfortable! so no, i can assure you, you are not a p. the intrusive thoughts can be such a struggle but remember you are not alone!! much support to you!

@lyanan66 Thank you!! I'm struggling again this evening because I'm trying to recall how much I panicked when that happened. I remembering panicking because I thought my life was over and it felt so intentional. I don't remember thinking "oh I enjoyed that so much". I remember asking my child to move off me which I feel like shows I didn't want to do that. I mean wouldn't have I done something else if I was a p? I also went straight to my mom after I went back to sleep and she was awake to tell her what happened and thought I had ruined my life. Now it's grown to even greater regret weeks that have passed since. I feel like a bad mom. I feel depressed etc.

@lyanan66 I don't recall being grossed out per se and that's what bothers me now too. I just wanted her to move immediately

@Anony1314 - you know it was wrong, you are not a bad mom. we have our moments that test us and leave us wondering, but the best we can do is move on. if you are really that scared of what your true intentions were , maybe try writing down what you felt? just try to remember what you were thinking before and after. once you reflect, you move on. it is not as easy as it sounds but i know you can do it!!

@lyanan66 Thanks friend!! Even if it felt wanted beforehand, I felt guilt afterwards. That proves to us all I'm not a P, correct?

@Anony1314 - well not exactly.. i’m sure some people make bad choices and feel guilt or regret, but with ocd it’s hard to tell ! but i’m sure from what i read you are not a p. i don’t think you have anything to worry about !

@lyanan66 Sorry friend. Your comment confused me. ChatGPT has told me it's OCD numerous times. I've reworded it so many times. I felt guilt immediately afterwards. It is hard for me to remember if I immediately panicked per se. I remember panicking as soon as I woke back up. Thinking "what have I done" and thinking "I'm a criminal". Are you saying I could be a p?

@lyanan66 I also moved my child immediately after it happened. I don't think a p would have done that. I think they would've kept on

@lyanan66 I'm sorry friend

@lyanan66 So you're saying I could be a P? I'm sorry just confused. I felt guilt afterwards and I asked my child to move off me.