I have really bed harming intrusive thoughts and sometimes feels like it’s feeling! The thoughts happening every day and the hardest part is that I’m testing my self in head all the time if that’s what I am or want!!! Also, so many times feels like I’m been tricking myself and doctor or people and maybe I don’t have OCD, just that maybe it’s me really!!!! How can I know who I am really 🥹???!!??
You know who you are outside of your thoughts. Remember OCD goes after your values, morals, beliefs. OCD takes your fears and heightens them. OCD is the "what if" disorder or the Opposite disorder. Everything that is opposite of you is what it brings up. You truly have no desire to hurt anyone and the fear that you could is causing the intrusive thoughts. Accept the thoughts as thoughts because you are in control. You don't act on every thought you have. When someone makes you angry, you could think " I'm going to tell at them" but instead you don't. You have control, you've always had control. Also I experience harm ocd, so sometimes it helps just to say it out loud and get the thoughts out or write it down. It's like releasing it. We have to learn to release the thoughts and urges we don't need and keep what we do. It scares you, let it go.
It sounds like you are doing checking compulsions and ruminating. You have to sit with the uncertainty of not knowing what you are uncertain about. It is really uncomfortable but it will get easier as you accept the uncertainty.
It sounds incredibly distressing to experience such intense harming thoughts that feel so real, and the constant mental testing must be exhausting. Many people with OCD describe this exact feeling – the doubt and fear can be overwhelming, making it hard to trust yourself. Help is here at NOCD and we can assist you in finding outside help if needed too. Also here are some helpful resources: https://www.treatmyocd.com/what-is-ocd/common-fears/fear-of-self-harm-ocd https://www.treatmyocd.com/what-is-ocd/common-fears/im-afraid-of-my-pencil https://www.treatmyocd.com/blog/how-to-overcome-ocd-intrusive-thoughts/
@Brooke Tominey Thank you. But it’s more about I’m scared that I’m danger to other people or my loved ones. To be honest if I am what my thoughts than I don’t want to exist.
I've gotten diagnosed with OCD and I'm in therapy. But I'm worried that I don't have OCD/that I got misdiagnosed. And recently I'm worried that I've just gotten myself into a habit of thinking of dirty minded or just plain old terrible things after I see/hear certain things because I feel like I need to prove I have OCD or else I'm faking(sometimes this goes away). Or that I'm just mimicking symptoms of ocd to cope with real problems I may have and that im just really deep into denial. I don't know...I'm just so tired. I mean, what if I really am what I think I am and this is my brains only way of coping? I don't even really feel anything towards most of the thoughts anymore either I just know they go against my values and I don't want them. I don't know if that's because I'm so mentally exhausted, I just don't care, or that the thoughts are true and I'm comfortable with them.
That’s kinda my question. All my thoughts feel so realistic and so now I doubt if they are ocd and if I just can’t make my mind up about something and I’m using ocd as an excuse or something idc I feel like this post is word vomit.
Does anyone have any advice for how to know the difference between ocd and real feelings/thoughts? Sometimes an intrusive thought will come in and I immediately know it’s ridiculous and I can just leave it alone and it won’t bother me but other times I really really don’t know. It’s when ocd hijacks and twists my real feelings and thoughts and tries to manipulate me into believing they’re something they’re not or something that doesn’t align with my true morals or intentions. But since it’s twisting and mixing with real feelings I get so confused and scared. Everything gets jumbled and I feel like I can’t trust myself or my own mind. Yet other times and other topics I can laugh off and push away just fine. Make it make sense. And then I start to think well maybe I don’t have ocd at all and I’m just in denial because I don’t want to accept that these scary/concerning things are true about myself. Or maybe that’s just the ocd talking.
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