Sexual ocd

I was watching a porn videi a whike back and intent was to look at the woman. I clicked on the video and tbe camera was up close so i couldnt distinguish who as the man and woman up close because it wasnt their faces but their butt. Once the camera adjusted and i realized it was the mans butt not the womans i felt sick to my stomach and anxios. It happened a long time ago so i dont recall every detail but i rememwbr the anxiety, stress, guilt and anger i felt. Im sure j was upset and changed the video. Ocd tries rk make me doubt this and sats im gay because of this and then tries to attack me with not only hocd but rocd saying i was unfaithful for eatching porn and worse tbat i was watchibg n doing tge deed to the guys butt. I thought it was the womans n when i realized it wasnt i was anxious and mad. It happened long sgo i dont recall the details sk ocd is making me diubt. Im not gay and i know my intention was ti see the woman and fantasize of my wife. Then ocd says i lije thr guys beard so it neans i was arousing over him. Or thoughts that he’s handsome so it means i was arousing over him. U cant control my thoughts but i kniw im not gay. And my intentions were to see and arouse over the woman and fantasize over my wife. I know ocd wants me tk diubt the memory but i know who i am and i dont arouse over men. Im pretty sure when i realized jt was the man butt not the woman i was angrg embarrased felt anxiety and changed the video to one where it was the womans body part and that i can better distinguish between the man and female so it wkukdnt hallen again because i dont want to arouse over a mans butt only a womans. I was driving and had the memory kf this and then the ocd made me doubt and question the memory and said im gay and unfaithful ti my wife and all the intrusive thoughts. I think i recall telling my theralist sbout this after it happened. I recalk vyt icd is making me doubt this too. I know who i am and i know the fact this was an random intrusive thought turning into a real event false memory with doubts anxiety snd guilt shows its ocd. And the anxiety around the thought of arousing to the man makes me sick to my stomach and like ny therapist said i know im not gay and im not living two lives. I just thought it was a womans butt and ciuldnt tell that close up and when i realized it wasnt i was anxious.

Htx1107

Date posted: 17w

Take a deep breath, and remember who you are. I’m a gay male myself and I can assure you that if you were truly homosexual you would not feel a single bit of anxiety or doubt after this situation. You are straight and have an anxiety disorder. Think about how a straight man without ocd would react to this situation…. He would probably realize he was accidentally was watching the man’s butt and probably would start laughing, might even joke about it with his friends over beers the next day. I look at women all the time being homosexual and still recognize their beauty and how they’re physically attractive but that does not mean I’m attracted to women. You still have eyes you can admit a man is handsome without being attracted to him. I mean there’s even men who literally try engaging in sexual activities with other men to test out their sexuality and realize that it’s not them and they’re 100% attracted to women. All you did was watch a video and mistakenly watched a man in a very minute few seconds. When this thought arrives simply let it pass like a cloud in the sky, don’t give in and give it power, the more you try to reassure yourself and make it go away the stronger it gets. I can tell you first hand that I have no doubt that you are straight and as far as feeling unfaithful? That’s just another fabricated feeling your ocd has created to bother you and shock your system with more doubt and anxiety. Being unfaithful would be engaging in a sexual activities with another person in real life, watching a video is natural and normal, you have nothing to worry about.

Anonynmous19

Date posted: 17w

also know ite ocd because it happened long sgo and hasnt bothered me since untik not ocd randomly brings it up

Anonynmous19

Date posted: 17w

18+ Intrusive thoughts during s3x

I was having intimacy. Watching p0rn. And during climax i got intrusive thoughts a d anxious. I hate when this happens. As a compulsion whenever i get intrusive ocd thoughts i usually think of my wife or therapist (whose a man) and say their name. For my wife its because shes the love of my life. My comfort. And during intimacy of course to arouse over her. When i think of my therapist its not anything sexual its just like a comforting thought since hes the one that is helping me thru ocd. But now ocd is saying why did i think lf him during climax. And in my head i heard my voicr saying his name but this was my way of distracting myself from the intrusive thoughts. It wasnt to arouse myself over him it was tk distract myself and it wasnt a compulsion. Ocd tries associating it with my sexual experience and its making me feel very guilty and anxious. Then i worry was i saying his name. I did in my head but it wasnt again a compulsion tk distract from ocd. Then that made me anxious so i said my wifes name and thougjt kf her. I just had intrusive thought so i panicked and out of compulsive habit i usual say thr name of my wifr and therapist

Anonynmous19

Date posted: 16w

Pocd 18+

Im at work and work is where my ocd is triggered most. I plugged in the solar panels and remembered my friend whos an electrician. Than i had intrusive thoughts of his daughter and sexual intrusive thoughts. I felt so anxious and am having a hard time breathing. I said a prayer and kept working. Then ocd said was i praying for something inappropriate but thats absurd and not true. Then the intrusivr thought was of female erogenous areas. It was just a thought of a female provate lart. It was like the thought of my friends face then his daughters face then the female erogenous part. So ocd says was the intrusive thought of a adult female erogenous part or a minors. Then ocd says i like adult women so did i like the thought of the female private part. Idk what the thought was it was just a female erogneous part that popped in my head. I know im not a pedophile. I know i dont want ocd thoughts. I know the thoughts made me anxious. Then ocd says if it was a intrusive thought of a small female erogenous part its a pocd intrusive thoughts. If it was a thought of a big female erogenous part it is an adults part. Idk what the thought was tbh now my memorys blurred. I just recall having their faces pop in my head then a thought of a female private part and i remember being super anxious panicking and having a hard time breathing from the anxiety. I know this is indication its ocd and anxiety. I dont like these thoughts and dont want them. Im not a pedophile. Im terrified by the thoughts and i know my anxious reaction disproves the ocd intrusive thoughts and doubts. I know who i am. Im a faithful husband and not a pedophile. I dont want these thoughts it’s distracting me from work as im ruminating and writing this. I feel like crying. I dont want sexual intrusive thoughts. I dont want pocd thoughts. Help!

Anonynmous19

Date posted: 14w

18+ Intrusive associations sexual ocd

I spoke with my therapist about intrusivr association ocd thoughts. When i watch porn ocd says the person reminds me of a kid i know or a relative. I told myself repeatedly this is an ocd thougjt its intrusive associations. Multiple times. And i compulsivrly stopped and tried regrounding when the anxiety was too much. My intention was to look at my eofes photo then to look at a woman on pornhub who reminded me of my wife and On the last time i had the intrusive thought of a nephew. I exited the video and went back to my wifes photo and said her name to refocus. Ocd makes me feel guilty flr engaging in sex while having tbat intrusive thought of our nephew and ocd made me doubt “was i thinking of my nephew or was it ocd?” I know its ocd. Its ocd thought number one million. This happens for seven years now when i have sex or watch porn. I know my ocd brain hyperfoxates and worries about grtting intrusivr thoughts during sex so of course ocd is going to semd those intrusivr thougjts sincr my brains hyperworried about it. I know its OCD. I know my intent was to think of my wife and watch the video. Its just engaging in sex while having these intrusive thoughts is very uncomfortable. My therapist said not to stop because its a compulsion. It feels so uncomfortable so i know the intrusive thoughts of the nephew is ego dystonic and the fact inwent back to see my eifes photo and refocsus and say her name repeatedly put lout shows my true intention is to arouse over my wife. I just feel guilty for masterbating while the intrusive thoughts enter my mind. Ocd tries to trick me and say i was thinking of it but i know thats not true. Its my ocd brain hyper worried about getting these intrusive thoughts and them intruding. I often avoid sex and masterbation because of the fear of intruding ocd thoughts so i know its ocd. I cant avoid it or stop. Im doing erp. I recognize its ocd. Yet ocd tries to grt me to ruminate with feelings of guilt ans doubting if its my thoughts or ocd thoughts when i know my intent is to only arouse and think of my wife and i know indont want these thoughts i know its ocd.

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Share your thoughts so the Community can respond

Sexual ocd

Related posts

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Be a part of the largest OCD Community