OMG CAN SOMEONE HELP ME please 😭💔

So I have POCD & now ROCD because I’m in my first relationship. My boyfriend is a few years older than me and was born and raised in Turkey before he came to the U.S. in his early 20s. I’ve read that Turkish culture takes pride in their children, with holidays such as Children’s Day, too. So they are used to bonding with children in a non-creepy way lol (I’ve seen it before, it is a *slight* cultural difference between my culture and his but it’s very sweet) I grew up SA’d as a child and I told my boyfriend, so he knows. Yet he’s said a few things that have caught me off guard. - When I told him there was a chance I was mleafed as a child, we were cuddling and he readjusted himself in a funny way before saying “sorry, I mlested you.” I let it go because English is not his first language and he was probably just trying to be funny to lighten the mood because I was crying and he might have thought that I interpreted him re-adjusting himself as him hitting on me. (Right?) Even when we have daily conversations, he doesn’t understand about 25% of what I say, and I don’t think he’s been learning English when it comes to any of these kinds of topics that I’m speaking about. Sometimes he says stuff just to say it. But still, he understood the context we were speaking in and still tried to make a “joke.” - When I talk to him about my nieces (who I loved and adore and whose mother refers to me as their second mother) he once said that they’ll love him because he s good with kids. Okay sure. Then he said “they’re gonna be like ouuuh, he’s so handsome!” and I was like?? Why are you thinking about that I’m so deeply upset. He’s my first everything. I grew up with my mom defending the monster that abused me & my sister and I always swore I was never going to be that. And I won’t. Sometimes I just can’t tell if I’m overthinking because of my OCD. Because it’s also very extreme to assume someone is a monster like this! But OCD is extreme! And so it’s so hard for me to understand. I’m heartbroken because I feel so vulnerable. He was all I had. Now I feel like I’m gonna f*ck him up if he’s any type of weird like I think he might be. I hate everything sm. All I wanted was someone who loved me, someone I could love, and I’m terrified that I might be with someone who’s sick in the head, just like my father. I feel like throwing up and raging.

Gmoki

Date posted: 17w

Oh my goodness, I am SO sorry you went through that. I know saying sorry doesn’t reverse the pain inflicted upon you, but you don’t deserve to go through something like that; NO ONE does. You’re so incredibly brave and vunerable for sharing, so thank you❤️To me, it makes complete sense that you would have your guard up with your boyfriend. There’s so much vunerablity here, especially because your parents, arguably the most important relationships in your life, broke the trust you had. It makes sense that you wouldn’t want to date someone like your father and repeat that abusive cycle. That seems to maybe be your trigger here. I’m not saying to give into your OCD, but rather to give yourself grace. Relationships take so much trust and you revealed that vunerable part of yourself to your bf. Allow yourself to feel and don’t beat yourself up over your brain functioning like this. Try as best as you can to openly communicate with him because this is extremely important to you. His job as your boyfriend is to make you feel safe, secure, and loved no matter what happens, and no matter how much your OCD effects the relationship. He said some things that you felt were questionable and inappropriate. That’s hurtful, and don’t fully blame your OCD for that either. If you feel disrespected, you say something to that man ASAP. I understand the language barrier, and how OCD can exacerbate a lot of things. However, he needs to know when it bothers you. Naturally, your OCD is flaring from this and it’s completely understandable why. You did the first part in acknowledging that trigger/fear. So now, what matters is how you respond it. Your OCD is probably going to try to make your thoughts spiral even worse - so when you get those thoughts, try to let them be thoughts only. What I mean is, when you get a thought like “I’m with someone who might cause harm the same way my dad would” just let it float there for a second. Don’t add anything to it, just let yourself have that thought. ERP is good, I’m not sure if you’re doing it or currently have a therapist but it helps you cope with uncertainty with anxious OCD thoughts. It helps you understand that even if your worst case scenario comes true, you can deal with it face on and overcome it. I know it sounds daunting and scary but it’s so helpful. You’re gonna be ok❤️take a shower, make sure you’re eating three meals, drinking water and going outside. I know this is overwhelming. I don’t know if my advice will pose any help or value to you, but please know you aren’t alone. Don’t give up on yourself, healing isn’t linear. Be kind and patient with yourself but also don’t be afraid to set boundaries. ❤️keep us updated

Gmoki

Date posted: 17w

@Gmoki Also, I forgot to mention: if you’ve set a boundary with him about things you are clearly uncomfortable/sensitive/vunerable with, and he continues to make certain remarks even after you’ve stated you’re uncomfortable, you do NOT have to stay in a situation like that. NEVER think for a second that you are wrong for wanting to remove yourself from a situation like that. You can have OCD while being in a healthy, happy relationship and also know when to set boundaries.

🫧🩷🪷

Date posted: 17w

@Gmoki WOW! Thank you SO much!! 😭💚 I cannot emphasize my gratitude. First of all, you are so sweet and genuine. Thank you for taking the time to find my post. Secondly, thank you for reminding me to eat three meals and shower because I HAVENT! You called me out but in the sweetest most constructive way. I feel so seen. Sometimes OCD *really is that deep.* Third of all, I will try to sit with that thought. I have been told many times that I act too paranoid which is why I’m trying to understand wtf is going on here. Am I being too screechy and obnoxious by constantly questioning certain things? I have asked people a lot of lowkey offensive questions because I’m trying to understand how they think about me or how often they wash their hands (only the people I’m really super close with, like family & friends. I’m just trying to be honest about how I think and what makes me feel safer but I know sometimes it can be soooooo dreadfully boring. But yes, I appreciate this comment so so so much 💚🥰

Gmoki

Date posted: 17w

@whatever. Omg Ofc love ❤️ you seriously don’t have to thank me. This is the least I could do. I saw your post and I just had to help. I know what it’s like to be in a really vunerable place with OCD and post on this app looking for and wanting answers asap. Trust me, I have like 4 posts about the same thing on here lolol. Sometimes we just need words of advice and that’s ok because we’re human :) I’m so happy I reminded you to take care of yourself - yes ocd realllyyyy IS that deep! But we don’t have to allow it to be. We will have a tendency to deprive ourselves of our basic needs due to ocd then sometimes not even realize we’re getting worked up/our ocd is flaring because said needs haven’t been fulfilled yet. You deserve to be seen and take care of yourself!! Screechy and obnoxious? Absolutely not. Remember, those are your thoughts talking - they are not always the truth. Whoever said you’re paranoid isn’t being fully aware or considerate about your situation. What I see is someone who is going through a vunerable and hard time with past traumas/ocd and they’re learning how to manage it. It’s all a process and a journey. Unfortunately others who don’t have ocd/are uneducated about it could take “offense” to our compulsions because they simply don’t understand it. You asking questions repeatedly, no matter how lowkey offensive they may be is just you looking for reassurance. I’ve learned through ERP that that’s a compulsion. I’d know because (and not to make this about me I’m just sharing bc I relate HEAVILY to this) I have this compulsion and have had it for YEARS lolol. OCD makes us people pleasers and it soothes us when we hear reassurance. Reassurance is a totally normal human thing to want to look for. However, the negative side to it is that our nervous system/ocd doesn’t like uncertainty and when we don’t get answers immediately or at all. So a big chunk of it is learning with ERP how we can cope with uncertainty life throws at us and to not engage in any mental compulsions or behaviors. Our friends and family will usually give reassurance to us when we talk about our struggles with them. We can’t really control that or what they say but we can control how we respond to it. The thing is though, when we’re in a tough situation and we can’t get reassurance for what ever reason, we will do anything we can to get it. We become dependant on it, and we just have to work on that - and that’s totally ok. Like I said, be extra patient and gentle with yourself. Our brains have been working like this for so long and we’re only now learning how to rewire them. I’ve been learning that I don’t need reassurance to calm my ocd so I function as a person. I can accept the uncertainty and still be ok. What ERP does is take our thoughts and addresses them in ways that help us cope much better. Maybe I phrased that in a weird way lol but I’ll use an example of what I mean. So let’s take your thought you had earlier: “Am I being too screechy and obnoxious by constantly questioning certain things?” Usually you might respond with mental solving or ruminating, or self reassurance so to respond to that you might think things like: “No they can’t think that, they love me”, “of course they think that, I’m so annoying to deal with”, “why am I like this I hate this” When you get those thoughts/compulsions that respond to your trigger, you replace them with an ERP response instead. ERP phrase examples you’d use to respond: “maybe, maybe not”,“I can cope with the uncertainty of this situation”, “discomfort is not danger” You tell yourself these ERP phrases until your anxiety levels decrease enough. Hopefully I explained this in a way where it makes sense lol - I’m sharing what I learned and I’m no therapist (not yet) but ERP has helped a tonnnn. You might feel your situation requires a little bit of a different approach but ERP is proven to be so much more effective than talk therapy for ocd. I know I’m literally reiterating certain info from the NOCD website but seriously it’s proven to be true at least for me. Remember you are loved, and you are so strong.

Gmoki

Date posted: 17w

@Gmoki Also oh my lord I apologize for the length I need to learn to not write so much haha

🫧🩷🪷

Date posted: 17w

@Gmoki No, it’s cool! Thank you so much again. I’m definitely gonna take every thing you said into consideration :)

Gmoki

Date posted: 17w

@whatever. Ofc I rlly hope it helps. U got this

User type: Therapist

Date posted: 17w

Reading about your experience, it's clear how distressing and upsetting this situation is for you. It's understandable to feel confused and scared when OCD intertwines with relationship concerns and past trauma, making it difficult to distinguish intrusive thoughts from genuine red flags. You don't have to carry this weight by yourself. If you’re struggling and need more assistance, remember that help is available. Please don’t hesitate to reach out to us at NOCD to find out how we can support you. Also here are some helpful resources: https://www.treatmyocd.com/my-ocd-journey/consumed-by-ocd-until-i-found-hope-with-erp https://www.treatmyocd.com/blog/i-was-told-i-had-love-addiction-it-was-actually-ocd/ https://www.treatmyocd.com/blog/fear-of-dating/

RNMMR

Date posted: 21w

Intercultural/interfaith relationship OCD

Hi everyone, I’m reaching out for support. Right now I feel like OCD is “winning” in my life and I feel suffocated and alone. This is my story and I would love any support, guidance, or advice. Long post, but I appreciate anyone that reads it. I’m a 28 year old Muslim middle eastern woman. My family immigrated to Canada when I was a kid. I’ve never been very religious but I consider myself a believer. I also believe that religion is extremely personal and that my relationship with God is mine only. My faith hasn’t always been strong, it goes up and down. My family, although not super religious, has always valued tradition and my parents have always wanted me to marry someone Muslim and Arab. They are very adamant about that and very against mixing with other cultures and faiths. My father passed sway in my early twenties, and I’ve always struggled with doing things that he wouldn’t approve of and having him be disappointed or ashamed of me. I was very close to my dad - his death was really traumatic and I miss him everyday. I am in a relationship with a kind, caring man who loves me and takes care of me. We were friends first and I tried to not let things progress past friendship because I knew my family would never approve. But eventually we both confessed feelings and that led us to a relationship. He makes me happy and has healed many things in me that were wounded from past relationships. He’s Punjabi Sikh, so our cultures and faiths are different. He is not religious at all. When we first started talking about dating, he said to me that if he had to do an Islamic marriage to be with me that he would do it. If that’s what it took to be with me, he’d do it. That for me was the push I needed to go for it, and let myself get into a relationship with my friend and now lover. He even says that he’s open to our kids learning Islam. He just wants our kids to also learn about where he comes from, of course. I knew that my family wouldn’t approve, but having the Islamic marriage would be extremely important to maybe eventually have them accept my decision. My boyfriend has always been aware of my OCD and is always willing to do whatever it takes to support me. As we’ve navigated dating and being in a relationship we’ve had some challenges with my ROCD, and we’re actively working on it with exposure therapy. We’ve also had general relationship obstacles that we’re learning to work through, like communication and having different love languages. I tend to be anxiously attached and I get panic attacks when I think I’m losing people close to me. So even just the idea of a break up makes me feel sick. In all honesty, being in a relationship has been really hard on my mental health. My therapist says it’s like being in constant exposure- which can be exhausting (I always have the thought “being single is so much easier because there’s way less triggers” but I don’t want to believe that or let it dictate my life). My big struggles right now are guilt from hiding my relationship from my family, and dealing with constant ROCD intrusive thoughts like: “is he the one? You want someone from your own culture, your mom is right, this is never going to work and you’re going to be unhappy and divorced. You don’t want to mix cultures, you’re going to hate it, stop pretending to be open to it… your aunts and uncles are going to disapprove and cut you off, you’re going to be judged by everyone, your kids are going to be so confused about their identity, travelling back home is going to be so weird and not the same, so you should break up with him”. Often, this causes me to “test” the relationship or look for problems and create arguments. It’s a toxic cycle, and I’m so ashamed of it. I also often struggle with thoughts like “you’re lying to yourself, you want someone from your culture, you’re a bad person for leading him on, you’re a liar”…. “You did this to yourself by dating outside your culture”. Ultimately, I feel torn. How am I meant to know if I actually want to be in this relationship or if I want to do what my family approves of (and what would be easier)? How do I manage the thoughts that tell me opposing things? I have frequent panic attacks and when things are bad, they happen daily and are very debilitating. This is where I’m at right now, and this is the part that terrifies me. I don’t want to be stuck like this. I don’t want to lose my boyfriend. That thought terrifies me and I don’t think I can handle that. He means so much to me. I also don’t want to be suffocated by thoughts - if I have them every day first thing in the morning, does that mean I need to listen to them? I’m struggling so much and I feel so hopeless. I wouldn’t wish these feelings on anybody, ever. I want to feel at ease, more than anything.

🫧🩷🪷

Date posted: 16w

So my now ex-bf exposed himself publicly.

Hi I was on here a few days ago talking about how I have POCD because of CSA & how I couldn’t trust my bf. I ended up telling him about this while we were out in nature one day, a pretty secluded area but there were still children visible in the area. We changed by holding a towel up around each other. That was a bit too much for me but I needed to change. He had to urinate and he went behind a tree but I told him just to go in the water because if anyone catches any glimpse of him on accident, it’s illegal and just wrong especially because there were kids across the river. I ended up confronting him about my OCD fears, which was causing me to distrust him (I don’t even trust my own brothers). This man was my first everything, I loved him so much I wanted to trust him so badly. He ended up being offended after I shared my fears. He was offended that I would ever think of him as someone who would hurt kids (like my dad did to me 💔. and yes, he knew what happened to me as a child before alllll of this happened so I though he would understand). He was so offended he told me it was time to go home. He changed in f*cking public. IN PUBLIC AFTER I TOLD HIM THAT CHILDREN MIGHT SEE. We drove 1hr+ back home in silence. It didn’t even process in my mind fully, after this happened I was texting him how much I loved him and didn’t want to break up. But as I started to think about that moment I just feel sick in my stomach. I hate myself I hate my l-fe I genuinely don’t want to b3 h3r3. I’m probably gonna get rid of myself. I can’t do this anymore. I can’t even be in love in peace. I can’t nothing is normal in my life nobody is normal I can’t do this anymore

Ocdhelp__

Date posted: 15w

HELP PLEASE.

I don’t know where to begin, this is going to be very long. But whoever responds I appreciate you dearly. I’m 20 years old, I’ve dealt with a lot in my childhood with abandonment and insecurity issues from my family. Aswell of not having a role model of a healthy relationship shown to me as a child. Me and my boyfriend have been together for 3 years, my first healthy relationship. Last year I discovered OCD (I am diagnosed but I ignored my mental health as a teenager like anybody would) I started to get these feelings that I don’t love my partner/he’s not attractive enough/ etc etc. I’ve discovered that it’s ROCD. I made threads on Reddit asking for advice googling for reassurance, all the things as one would do with ocd (as I’m doing now!) One day I woke up and that theme was gone, I felt normal in my relationship for about 4 months with no terrible thoughts. As of about 2-3 months ago, my theme switched. Now I have a fear he doesn’t love me, he’s cheating, he doesn’t want to marry me. It has utterly consumed me (just like my last theme!) I check his phone an unhealthy amount (guess what I never find anything!) He always lets me go through his phone, but as anyone would he gets annoyed and frustrated. I always am searching for signs if he’s acting weird, will get into arguments 24/7 because my brain keeps telling me he’s cheating, I get fake scenarios in my brain, hell I even bought Snapchat+ to stalk his snap score. But ever single time I find nothing. A lot of things trigger me and I over analyze everything, phone calls who his texting. When I do search his phone I check his EMAIL because of how paranoid I am. When I see things on social media about people cheating I SPIRALLLL But what really triggered me was this scenario, his family loves to joke around with me and mess with him at the same time, especially with our relationship, saying I have a leash on him etc etc making jokes (which I can take but when I’m in an ocd spiral and they have no idea something’s are triggering) anyways, we were out to lunch and his mother texts him “are u at some girls house” he told me straight away then responded “why would u say that” then she proceeded to say she’s messing around with him. And sent a picture of me and said I’m with Hailey at lunch, then they had a normal conversation after. Obviously this sent me into a spiral, it still bothers me. I was so upset and anxious, when we got back to his house I went through that man’s phone like it was my only job in the world. And I search EVERYTHING not one thing goes untouched. (I sound insane) anyways we went back to his place, then he called his mom to come in his room and asked why she said that, she felt guilty and said she was messing around she had her hands in her head (mind you she’s been drinking probably just messing around with him when she texted that) she told me not to worry ever about that kind of stuff because her son is not that type of man, she proceeded to leave the room then texted me about how sorry she was and didn’t mean to freak me out and felt like shit about it. Ever since then she’s been acting kind of weird towards me (not really) maybe she’s uncomfortable or there’s another women idk LOL. Anyways yea what the hell do I do I literally can’t function properly.

Relationship OCD

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OMG CAN SOMEONE HELP ME please 😭💔

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