Deleted post.

Gmoki

Date posted: 45w

Oh my goodness, I am SO sorry you went through that. I know saying sorry doesn’t reverse the pain inflicted upon you, but you don’t deserve to go through something like that; NO ONE does. You’re so incredibly brave and vunerable for sharing, so thank you❤️To me, it makes complete sense that you would have your guard up with your boyfriend. There’s so much vunerablity here, especially because your parents, arguably the most important relationships in your life, broke the trust you had. It makes sense that you wouldn’t want to date someone like your father and repeat that abusive cycle. That seems to maybe be your trigger here. I’m not saying to give into your OCD, but rather to give yourself grace. Relationships take so much trust and you revealed that vunerable part of yourself to your bf. Allow yourself to feel and don’t beat yourself up over your brain functioning like this. Try as best as you can to openly communicate with him because this is extremely important to you. His job as your boyfriend is to make you feel safe, secure, and loved no matter what happens, and no matter how much your OCD effects the relationship. He said some things that you felt were questionable and inappropriate. That’s hurtful, and don’t fully blame your OCD for that either. If you feel disrespected, you say something to that man ASAP. I understand the language barrier, and how OCD can exacerbate a lot of things. However, he needs to know when it bothers you. Naturally, your OCD is flaring from this and it’s completely understandable why. You did the first part in acknowledging that trigger/fear. So now, what matters is how you respond it. Your OCD is probably going to try to make your thoughts spiral even worse - so when you get those thoughts, try to let them be thoughts only. What I mean is, when you get a thought like “I’m with someone who might cause harm the same way my dad would” just let it float there for a second. Don’t add anything to it, just let yourself have that thought. ERP is good, I’m not sure if you’re doing it or currently have a therapist but it helps you cope with uncertainty with anxious OCD thoughts. It helps you understand that even if your worst case scenario comes true, you can deal with it face on and overcome it. I know it sounds daunting and scary but it’s so helpful. You’re gonna be ok❤️take a shower, make sure you’re eating three meals, drinking water and going outside. I know this is overwhelming. I don’t know if my advice will pose any help or value to you, but please know you aren’t alone. Don’t give up on yourself, healing isn’t linear. Be kind and patient with yourself but also don’t be afraid to set boundaries. ❤️keep us updated

Gmoki

Date posted: 45w

@Gmoki Also, I forgot to mention: if you’ve set a boundary with him about things you are clearly uncomfortable/sensitive/vunerable with, and he continues to make certain remarks even after you’ve stated you’re uncomfortable, you do NOT have to stay in a situation like that. NEVER think for a second that you are wrong for wanting to remove yourself from a situation like that. You can have OCD while being in a healthy, happy relationship and also know when to set boundaries.

Gmoki

Date posted: 45w

@whatever. Omg Ofc love ❤️ you seriously don’t have to thank me. This is the least I could do. I saw your post and I just had to help. I know what it’s like to be in a really vunerable place with OCD and post on this app looking for and wanting answers asap. Trust me, I have like 4 posts about the same thing on here lolol. Sometimes we just need words of advice and that’s ok because we’re human :) I’m so happy I reminded you to take care of yourself - yes ocd realllyyyy IS that deep! But we don’t have to allow it to be. We will have a tendency to deprive ourselves of our basic needs due to ocd then sometimes not even realize we’re getting worked up/our ocd is flaring because said needs haven’t been fulfilled yet. You deserve to be seen and take care of yourself!! Screechy and obnoxious? Absolutely not. Remember, those are your thoughts talking - they are not always the truth. Whoever said you’re paranoid isn’t being fully aware or considerate about your situation. What I see is someone who is going through a vunerable and hard time with past traumas/ocd and they’re learning how to manage it. It’s all a process and a journey. Unfortunately others who don’t have ocd/are uneducated about it could take “offense” to our compulsions because they simply don’t understand it. You asking questions repeatedly, no matter how lowkey offensive they may be is just you looking for reassurance. I’ve learned through ERP that that’s a compulsion. I’d know because (and not to make this about me I’m just sharing bc I relate HEAVILY to this) I have this compulsion and have had it for YEARS lolol. OCD makes us people pleasers and it soothes us when we hear reassurance. Reassurance is a totally normal human thing to want to look for. However, the negative side to it is that our nervous system/ocd doesn’t like uncertainty and when we don’t get answers immediately or at all. So a big chunk of it is learning with ERP how we can cope with uncertainty life throws at us and to not engage in any mental compulsions or behaviors. Our friends and family will usually give reassurance to us when we talk about our struggles with them. We can’t really control that or what they say but we can control how we respond to it. The thing is though, when we’re in a tough situation and we can’t get reassurance for what ever reason, we will do anything we can to get it. We become dependant on it, and we just have to work on that - and that’s totally ok. Like I said, be extra patient and gentle with yourself. Our brains have been working like this for so long and we’re only now learning how to rewire them. I’ve been learning that I don’t need reassurance to calm my ocd so I function as a person. I can accept the uncertainty and still be ok. What ERP does is take our thoughts and addresses them in ways that help us cope much better. Maybe I phrased that in a weird way lol but I’ll use an example of what I mean. So let’s take your thought you had earlier: “Am I being too screechy and obnoxious by constantly questioning certain things?” Usually you might respond with mental solving or ruminating, or self reassurance so to respond to that you might think things like: “No they can’t think that, they love me”, “of course they think that, I’m so annoying to deal with”, “why am I like this I hate this” When you get those thoughts/compulsions that respond to your trigger, you replace them with an ERP response instead. ERP phrase examples you’d use to respond: “maybe, maybe not”,“I can cope with the uncertainty of this situation”, “discomfort is not danger” You tell yourself these ERP phrases until your anxiety levels decrease enough. Hopefully I explained this in a way where it makes sense lol - I’m sharing what I learned and I’m no therapist (not yet) but ERP has helped a tonnnn. You might feel your situation requires a little bit of a different approach but ERP is proven to be so much more effective than talk therapy for ocd. I know I’m literally reiterating certain info from the NOCD website but seriously it’s proven to be true at least for me. Remember you are loved, and you are so strong.

Gmoki

Date posted: 45w

@Gmoki Also oh my lord I apologize for the length I need to learn to not write so much haha

Gmoki

Date posted: 45w

@whatever. Ofc I rlly hope it helps. U got this

User type: Therapist

Date posted: 45w

Reading about your experience, it's clear how distressing and upsetting this situation is for you. It's understandable to feel confused and scared when OCD intertwines with relationship concerns and past trauma, making it difficult to distinguish intrusive thoughts from genuine red flags. You don't have to carry this weight by yourself. If you’re struggling and need more assistance, remember that help is available. Please don’t hesitate to reach out to us at NOCD to find out how we can support you. Also here are some helpful resources: https://www.treatmyocd.com/my-ocd-journey/consumed-by-ocd-until-i-found-hope-with-erp https://www.treatmyocd.com/blog/i-was-told-i-had-love-addiction-it-was-actually-ocd/ https://www.treatmyocd.com/blog/fear-of-dating/

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