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@scrambled - I hear you with this unclear uncertainty about whether a memory is real or a product of post partum depression/OCD/ or abuse... it's exhausting and deeply upsetting. Your experience of a thought evolving and gaining 'details' through rumination sounds incredibly challenging. Many people with OCD struggle with intense doubt about their thoughts and memories, sometimes referred to as 'false memories.' The anxiety and the urge to figure it all out can create a confusing loop where thoughts feel increasingly real, even if they contradict what you previously knew. We would need a clear assessment to be able to determine a diagnosis and thus how to best help you. Please don’t hesitate to reach out to us at NOCD to find out how we can support you. In the meantime here are some helpful resources: https://www.treatmyocd.com/what-is-ocd/common-fears/what-are-intrusive-thoughts-and-are-they-normal https://www.treatmyocd.com/what-is-ocd/common-fears/what-if-i-have-committed-a-sin-and-dont-remember https://www.treatmyocd.com/blog/intrusive-thoughts-normal/

@scrambled This sounds exactly like me. I will logically reassure myself that this thought can’t be true and I may feel better momentarily but then the OCD will step in and suggest. Maybe I can’t deal with the truth and I’m just burying my head in the sand and in denial. I too wish I’d never ruminated on this thought as I’ve just gone further and further down the rabbit hole I’ve been dealing with it for weeks. It helps though to see that even though we don’t know what each other’s intrusive thoughts are, our response to them seems to be the same pattern which would suggest that this is OCD at play. Know that you are not alone.