You will be okay! There is hope!

Don't worry! I don't get triggered that easily anymore. I had my share of HOCD years ago. But, now, I think I'm totally free of it and I would need something very very big to get triggered in any way.

@Anony1314 I'm so sorry that you are going through this. Really, what you wrote sounds like someone trapped in their mind. I was exactly like this. Human experience can't be seen as black and white and distilled into parts. You just sound like a person who were analyzing every single thought, feeling and sense and believe me nothing good comes out of it. I used to have a lot of groinal responses and I still do! I just find them funny. I created this neural path in my brain and I think it is not going anywhere. But I dont have give any meaning at all to something insignificant as this. It is literally a sensation I have created with constant checking, analyzing and rumination. Why would I be afraid of my own prophecy? Once again, I am very sorry that you are going through that. I wish I could do something that would change your mind, yet please know that as a third eye I don't believe that you have to be in jail or something. Trust me, you deserve to be the person you are! You will be okay, please keep the faith!

@calebtrask Even the elbow thing, I'm okay? I've been seriously struggling SO BAD today. It feels like I wanted this and the only reason why I am not being a bad person is because it can get me in trouble.

@Anony1314 Well, that looks like that you are looking for reassurance. I know how bad you feel and I can understand the depth of your suffering at the moment. But, please, think about the long term. Do you feel that bad?

@calebtrask It is funny how you dont really seem like you feel bad just because it can get you in trouble. It is obvious from your sentences that you don't like the thing itself not what troubles it could get you into. Please, be kinder to yourself.

@calebtrask Thanks friend. It's just hard what to believe anymore. Seeking reassurance so much this past month has just sunk me deeper and deeper into a mess.

@Anony1314 Try to sit with the anxiety! You will be okay. Godspeed you!

@calebtrask Thank you friend! Thank you.

You probably know it, but nothing can beat sitting with your thougths. See them as a chance to face your anxiety. I was used to write "coming out letters to my family and friends" as a form of extreme way of exposure. But, take small steps so that you will actually be able to tolerate it. Also, who knows that what we will become after some time? I'm straight, but I may wake up at some time and want to be gay. I don't have to worry about future and to be honest If I wake to be wanting a gay, then there won't be nothing to worry about.

@calebtrask Thank you so much

Thank you so much! I see your badge, big congrats to you too! To be honest, I think so, but I never really had a therapist. Because, I was living in a country where mental health issues are seen unimportant and there is no qualified therapist to work with OCD. Ones that were qualified were really expensive for my family. I was only 15-16 at the time! Sadly, I think, that's still the case for my country. But, I tried to learn as much as possible about ERP and try to do on my own. My way was to try to not to mentally answer my thoughts. Or even if I did, I would answer the scariest answer I could come up with. Lemme show you what I mean. Brain: What? Did you just check that guy out? Dude, you can be gay. My answer: I am gay. Brain: you actually believed when you said that and you liked articulating those words. My answer: Why wouldn't I? I am gay. LOL! I was having the weirdest conversations inside my brain. But, my body was gling through some real anxiety - that was for sure. But, with time, It just started to diminish. I do feel more confident about my sexuality! To be honest, I never had the most conventional sexuality to start with. But I never really was that open go explore, because, I thought I had to be more like other people, other men... I'm talking about all those assigned gender roles. But I don't care anymore. At the moment, I'm single, but when I was in relationships I was able to express myself authentically. So, in a way, going through OCD and conquering it actually made a better person. To be honest, it is a blessing that life wanted me to go through that suffering and I wouldn't want it any other way.

@calebtrask Thank you so much for your response :) 🙏 I’m so sorry you had to do ERP on your own because of the stigmas in your country but that makes you even stronger that you not only tried such a hard treatment, but you stuck to it, recovered, and you try to offer others encouragement. So proud of you!! 👏👏 That’s really awesome to hear that you became confident in your sexuality! Since Ocd is the doubting disorder, sometimes I get scared that I’ll never come to an understanding about my identity/moral questions even when I recover again with ERP (I had a relapse with new themes). But hopefully I can get to that confident place just like you have 👍

@OneDayAtATimee It is alright! Thank you for taking your time, reading and offering your kind words! That is exactly the case with me too. I don't obsess over many things anymore, that is right, but I still have a lot of doubt in every sense of word. But now it is more of an existential case, really. How I manage this, is that I don't really look for answers that much anymore. Maybe, afterall, life is not a puzzle that has to be solved; to experience it moment by moment sounds better to me. I hope you will soon find some kind peace inside your mind and be confident about who you are! I also have a lot of way to go to become a better person, both to myself and others. I wish both of us luck and power!