i just woke up from a nightmare

i’m crying but i don’t deserve to i’ve had this thought before, my mom works and i stay home and clean and homeschool. lately i have not been doing my part and i understand why she’s upset. every time she gets upset with me she cries, and tells me how bad i hurt her. Also every time she’s upset with me, for some pathetic reason my head brings up when she hurt me as a child, she never really admitted to it but i think it’s because she doesn’t want to think about how bad she could’ve hurt me or brother. slowly im starting to realize how bad of a person i am, I’m a procrastinator and im lazy. i had a dream about us arguing, i said awful things, something’s i’ve never said before something’s i have out of anger and then i start crying. I think im a psycho, im crying so hard rn. i want to fix everything, why can’t i be different? in my dream i was mean and aggressive, and it scared me.

davisgi24

Date posted: 2d ago

You’ve got to slow your mind down. It seems like you’re really, really spiraling. Since you’re still homeschooling, I’m guessing you’re young. And I remember how much more difficult it was to deal with these kinds of thoughts when I was a preteen/teenager. I don’t want to give you too much reassurance, because that only makes OCD worse in the future. But nothing that you said in this post made me believe you were mean or dangerous. A)our dreams have nothing to do with who we are! They’re just little movies our brains make up. They aren’t reality, and they don’t represent what we want or would do. Just because you did something in a dream doesn’t mean that you want to do that thing or would do it in real life. B) it seems like your relationship with your mom is complicated, which isn’t unusual. But she is the adult in this situation. It’s not your responsibility to take care of her. I’m not saying that it’s not important to think about how she feels, but it isn’t your job to make sure that you’re perfect so that you don’t upset her.

davisgi24

Date posted: 2d ago

Also, narcissists don’t care how their behavior affects other people. You obviously care a lot, so I think we can safely say you’re not a narcissist.

averydayimsh...

Date posted: 2d ago

i love my mom she’s my whole world, if i’m a danger to her then i don’t know what i would do with myself. i try to talk to her a lot, i told her the other day i think im a narcissist. because when she’s mad at me and ill get mad back. i hate how irrational and emotional i am it’s stupid. i don’t wanna die but so many people in my life would be better off.

averydayimsh...

Date posted: 2d ago

@averydayimshuffling please someone answer

JediMJ

Date posted: 2d ago

Are you feeling any better now? I hope so. Also, you might not be lazy—you might just have trouble starting tasks. I was a kid who got yelled at a lot for not keeping my room clean. I wanted to—it was just really hard for me. As an adult, I got diagnosed with ADHD and then I realized my “laziness” was more about how my brain worked, not me being a bad person. It sounds like you and your mom are both going though a difficult, emotional time. I agree with the person above that it’s not your responsibility to take care of your mother. Life is challenging, but things will get better.

averydayimsh...

Date posted: 2d ago

@JediMJ in my moms defense she really doesn’t expect much out of me just to keep the counters clean, wash dishes, sweep and mop and vacuum and i’m 16 i’m completely capable she just said “it’s like what i say doesn’t matter” and that really hurt me because do i think that? shes so sad right now she tells me all the time about how she doesn’t feel well but the doctors always tell her there’s nothing wrong. she recently a couple years ago got into holistic medicine, she believes a lot of america is a lie. she believes my ocd and intrusive thoughts are “spiritual attachments” she says i don’t need therapy, and she hates medication. she’s also afraid if i “say the wrong thing” in therapy they’ll take me away.

averydayimsh...

Date posted: 2d ago

@averydayimshuffling sorry mind u she’s still getting therapy for me soon but she says she refuses to medicate me

JediMJ

Date posted: 2d ago

When we’re not feeling well, we often have a shorter temper or get upset more easily. It’s hard not to, but try not to take things personally. I’m glad she’s still getting therapy for you. I think it will be helpful. You’re 16 and you’re growing up and figuring things out…you can try medication later, if needed. Just take things one day at a time and be gentle with yourself.

Unknown1738

Date posted: 23w ago

Horrible person OCD

I’ve said and done so many hurtful things growing up, especially in elementary and middle school. I was very passive aggressive and mean for a majority of my life, and I’ve hurt peoples feelings. I’m no longer like that now, but every single thing I’ve ever done wrong replays in my head constantly, from the moment I wake up to the second I go to sleep. I know I deserve to feel the chronic guilt and shame, so I feel even more guilty pitying myself. It’s eating me alive, I’m so scared. I know people must hate me, and they have every right to. feel like I don’t deserve to have moments of happiness because I’ve taken that ability away from someone before. I’m not diagnosed, but this has been going on for years and I’m scared to talk to anyone about it because I fear they would look at me differently knowing I’ve hurt someone’s feelings. I feel like a monster. It’s ruining my life and I don’t know what to do.

issphra 🫶🏻

Date posted: 23w ago

Do you ever just feel like a bad person?

Does anyone else experience this lingering fear and anxiety because they think they’re capable of hurting someone? It’s killing me. I feel like I’m such a danger. I feel like I’m a predator. I feel like this awful person and I can’t shake it. I want to carry on with my day but I can’t. I don’t feel like I deserve it. I feel like I’ve done awful things. I can’t stop crying.

malolin_21

Date posted: 13w ago

Hey:) I just want to vent

I’m feeling kind of sad cause today was not a really good day in terms of my ocd. I was feeling kind of foggy/numb and that send me to spiraling. I’m 21 years old currently studying but my family has been having trouble with money for the last couple years(we’re just me and my mom) and I kinda want to get a job but everything is far from my home and I wouldn’t be able to return back at night, also it’s either way more expensive to move or the schedule wouldn’t let me take my classes. The point is that because of that every time my mom is stress tends to treat me bad, she speaks to me like I’m stupid or she just screams to nothing cursing all life and everything and that actually makes me feel soo bad and guilty for not doing anything, I know it’s hard for me to get a job that actually helps us without quitting school but that doesn’t stop me from feeling like I’m a burden. I want to help, I want to maybe hug her or something but I know she will be angrier and probably will reject it. So that’s it, I just feel like she punishes me for the stress she’s carrying and I get it but one day is happy and it feels like all love and the next is treating me like that, Idk it’s hard (also I feel like I shouldn’t be saying this cause it’s all my fault) 🫤

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i just woke up from a nightmare

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