isabella123456

Date posted: 16w

Rocd

Im scared that if I start to think it too much, I will start to believe it, and it becomes my reality. I always have thoughts like, “Do I love him, what if I lose feelings, how longs is this going to last, when will these thoughts finally go away, is he the one for me, is this how love feels like or am I just convincing myself?” I start to search things up to make myself feel better but the longest that works for is a few hours and then that gut wrenching feeling comes back. I love him I’m sure of it, but then why do I feel like this? I know if I didn’t love someone I would let them go and would t even fight for it or try to get better, but for him I’m trying ever second of everyday and sometimes I just feel so hopeless. I can’t afford a therapist and I’m too busy to talk to one. I don’t know what to do or how to feel, sometimes I just feel numb and I hate it, sometimes I feel like crying but can’t, and most the time I don’t feel jealous anymore and that scares me because I’m a jealous person. Then I get thoughts and reminders of my ex. Not in a way that I like them but the hatred and the trauma and pain they left me with. The mental, verbal and physical abuse. Sometimes my current relationship reminds me of him and why I shouldn’t be in one because I always fall into this deep hole that feels impossible to get out of. I just get so scared.

Mrcino 1408

Date posted: 16w

Did you have rocd in first relantioship or relantioship before this

isabella123456

Date posted: 16w

@Mrcino 1408 No not that I know of. I’ve never experienced rocd and it’s very scary. I have only experienced health related ocd.

Mrcino 1408

Date posted: 16w

How old are you? And how long has past since your last relantioship?

isabella123456

Date posted: 16w

I’m 18 years old, just turned 18 a month ago. My last relationship was a year ago but he tried being my friend and would not stop harassing me. I finally got him to stop a few months ago by getting a restraining order.

isabella123456

Date posted: 16w

My current boyfriend makes me feel really safe and loved but I get so scared and I think it’s because I’ve never experienced real love in a relationship.

Mrcino 1408

Date posted: 16w

Are you sure that you get rid of your ex (in terms of love or mind) Just wanna make sure that you didn t jump in another relantioship too fast

isabella123456

Date posted: 16w

Yes I believe I did. I waited a long time to get in to another relationship, tried to focus on myself, and heal. I still get flashbacks though due to how traumatic it was.

Mrcino 1408

Date posted: 16w

Is this boyfriend similar to ex In terms of Abuse Sorry dont get me wrong you said That your ex was giving you mental physical and verbal abuse And that this relantionship reminds you of him

isabella123456

Date posted: 16w

No, so my current boyfriend is the complete opposite. He is the most respectful, supportive, and the most loving man. He has shown me what a healthy relationship looks like for the first time. I truly love him to death sometimes but then those thoughts creep in and ruin everything. I don’t know what the ideal love feels like but I choose to love him as well. I am patient with him, kind, caring, supportive and he is everything and more in return. I feel really comfortable and he is like my best friend, but then those thoughts tell me, “I don’t think this is love, it doesn’t have that excitement or spark, I see him in my future but why was I a little more rude to him today, Will I lose feelings, how long will this relationship last, will I get bored, will my mind convince me that I do not love him” and so on.

Mrcino 1408

Date posted: 16w

Hm... Okay Is he aware of your ocd?? Did you tell him

isabella123456

Date posted: 16w

@Mrcino 1408 Yes I have told him about my rocd, he is really patient and willing to work through it with me

Mrcino 1408

Date posted: 16w

@isabella123456 Great, look i have answered couple days ago about rocd, i can copy/paste that big reply and send it to you But ocd... Thats something we should TRULLY work on. Like Take notes See why is this happening, Because of what... and when you figure out why (from what deep belief of yours) these thoughts comes, then you will beable to change that And then ocd is not going to attack you anymore on that thought For example, I think There is no spark etc etc Then You, change your opinion on this For example Maybe there is no spark Because he is much more untoxic guy Or maybe this relantionship is ment to be slow and growing And similar things But you get the point? And then you do the compulsions Reassurences etc etc rituals... All not good All gives you temporary relief So you have to Go inside the meaning of that Thought I have no spark

isabella123456

Date posted: 15w

@Mrcino 1408 Thank you so much for this, I truly appreciate you being able to talk to me about how I’m feeling and help me on what to do about it. I will take your advice, and start working on it.

Mariabae

Date posted: 25w

please read- ROCD

I’m really scared that if I stop panicking about my thoughts, they will become real. Lately, I’ve been feeling irritated by my boyfriend, and sometimes I even think he annoys me or disgusts me. When these thoughts come, they feel so real, like I genuinely don’t want to be in this relationship anymore. And now I’m terrified that if I stop reacting with fear, it means I actually don’t want him, and I’ve just been in denial this whole time. What if the fact that I’m getting used to these thoughts means I’m actually accepting them as the truth? What if my fear was the only thing keeping me from realizing I don’t love him anymore? I’ve read about people saying that, with ROCD, thoughts lose their power over time, but I’m scared that in my case, that will just mean I’ll end up accepting something I don’t want to be true. On top of that, I had a situation where I noticed a guy at school, and my anxiety made me obsess over it. I remember seeing him last year and paying attention to how he dressed, which made me panic and think, ‘What if I like him?’ The thought wouldn’t leave my head, and I even thought about it at home, which made me feel guilty. Recently, I had to go to his classroom for a project with my teacher, and when I saw him, I felt like I got nervous or something. Now I’m terrified that I like him, and that it means I don’t love my boyfriend. I don’t even know his name, I don’t want to know, but my mind won’t stop obsessing over it. Meanwhile, my boyfriend told me he doesn’t feel loved by me anymore, and that breaks my heart. I feel so guilty because I’m constantly thinking that I don’t like my boyfriend, and now my brain is telling me I like someone else. What if I’m only with my boyfriend because I don’t want to hurt him? What if I’m in denial? I just want to feel normal again. my boyfriend is amazing he dosent deserve this

Mariabae

Date posted: 23w

scary rocd

Lately, I’ve been feeling like my relationship isn’t real. I keep thinking: • Why am I even with him? • Do I actually like him, or am I just used to him? • What if I’m just convincing myself that I like him? I feel numb, disconnected, and nothing I tell myself reassures me. Sometimes, I get really irritable when we talk, I don’t feel joy, and I start overanalyzing everything. It makes me feel like the absolute truth is that I don’t like him, and I’m just in denial. I also heard that when you don’t like someone, there’s no anxiety—just relief. But I have moments where the thought “I don’t want to be with him” crosses my mind, and I don’t feel anything at all. And because I don’t panic immediately, I start thinking “Maybe this means it’s true.” I’ve read that love isn’t about feeling excitement 24/7, but my mind keeps telling me that if I don’t feel connected, if I have to search for reasons why I like him, that must mean I don’t. I feel like I’m losing touch with my emotions, and no matter what I do, I can’t seem to feel love or happiness the way I used to. It’s like I keep waiting for some proof that I truly want to be with him, but I never find it. Has anyone else felt this way? I feel like I’m trapped in this endless doubt, and I don’t know what’s real anymore.

Mariabae

Date posted: 17w

rocd

I just saw my boyfriend, and even though everything was okay on the outside, inside my mind it was a storm. I kept having thoughts like: “You don’t like him.” “You’re not feeling anything.” “You’re pretending.” “You don’t care.” And then, he said something sweet — something that should’ve made me feel happy: “We should marry.” And instead of warmth, I felt anxiety. A pit in my stomach. A voice in my head saying: “You don’t want that.” “You’ll never stay with him.” “If you really loved him, you’d feel joy.” And I hate it. I hate that I’m in this state. I don’t feel connected. I don’t feel clarity. I don’t even know what I feel anymore. I just feel… numb. And the worst part? It feels like I don’t even care. But I know I do. Somewhere, beneath all the noise and panic and obsessive thoughts, I care. I want to feel close to him. I want to stop second-guessing every word, every touch, every thought. This is ROCD. It makes me question everything. It makes me feel like I’m lying — even when I’m not. It steals the moments that should feel warm and turns them into confusion. If anyone else feels this awful mix of numbness, fear, and guilt — please tell me I’m not alone.

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