I want to move on and accept my past mistakes, but I feel like truly forgiving myself isn’t acceptable. My therapist says not to judge my past self but seek to understand. But if what I’ve done has gone against my moral values, how exactly do I do this? I’ve learned my lesson, and I just want to move on. But that feels like letting myself off the hook. Any tips or advice??
Personally for me to the extent possible I try to make amends to anyone I have wronged over the years. With that said when I accept that acceptance is intertwined with forgiveness automatically.
This is a good point about the way these concepts are intertwined. Thank you so much for this <3
I think knowing everybody makes mistakes and does something out of character every now and then but usually when we do, we do learn from it and it seems from the way you’ve written this post your aware of what you’ve done and have learned from it and don’t wish to do it again, I think that’s worthy of acceptance but accepting you’re human as well and we all do things we wish we could take back but sometimes we have to forgive ourselves for just being human.
Thank you, I try to keep this in mind, but it can be really difficult when it comes to ourselves. I'll try to remember that I'm just human, no matter how difficult it feels sometimes. Thank you for your response <3
If you’ve “learned [your] lesson and just want to move on,” my advice would be to move on. 🙃 Why are you still punishing yourself? You’re allowed to be imperfect, to make mistakes. We’re all just doing the best we can. Are you ruminating on these past mistakes? Are you worried you’re going to repeat them? Is this more an OCD problem than a forgiveness problem? You’re not the same person you were. Set yourself free.
@JediMJ Thank you so much. This is solid advice I should be taking — from myself, too. I’m ruminating purely to punish myself. I know myself, and I know I’ve learned my lessons hard, and I know I don’t have any urges to make the same mistakes again. But punishing myself is easier than accepting myself, it seems. So, that’s what I’ll work on, even if it’s hard. Thank you again, this was helpful 🙏
@flyana Why is punishing yourself easier than accepting yourself? I feel like I used to do the same thing. Where did we learn that we had to be perfect? Probably a childhood that was less than ideal. I’m not sure it matters. What has made a tremendous difference in my life is what your therapist was saying…seek to understand. Be curious. Why am I feeling this way? What do I need? How can I meet this need in a healthy way? My inner voice used to be so critical, even mean. Now, I have a lot of understanding and love for myself and that inner voice is kind and compassionate. I feel calmer and more peaceful. Keep working on you—you’ve got this!
Are you religious
I have made multiple mistakes in my past that lead me to believe im a bad person. thinking about them often sends me into a panic attack. i cant help but feel i need to be punished. i hate this feeling, what should i do?
Hi everyone, I’m new here, and I wanted to share my experience. I’ve been struggling for over a year now on obsessing over a mistake. And the rumination of the mistake I made has been overwhelming and exhausting in those two years. I feel like such a horrible person. At the time, I didn’t realize what I was doing would affect me so much. When I realized it was wrong, I just said I’ll never do it again, and I moved on. But then months later, I was reminded of what I did, and I felt like I did the worst thing in the world, and that my life will never be normal again. And ever since then, it’s been a constant thought. And it’s exhausting. I have been able to open up to my family and a close friend about it and their reactions were so nonchalant compared to what my brain has been telling me. They say it wasn’t even that bad, and that I shouldn’t be beating myself up. I tell them how badly I feel and they just act like it was nothing. I thought that would help, but my brain continues to tell me how horrible of a person I am and I obsess over this one mistake I made two years ago. I’ve learned from it, I’ve moved on, I’ve opened up about it, I’ve gotten reassurance, but yet it still eats at me. It’s constant some days. Where all I wanna do is lay down in a corner and never leave. I feel like my life will never be normal again and I’ll never experience happiness again. Whenever I smile or feel any type of joy my brain tells me to stop and reminds me that I’m a bad person and I don’t deserve to be happy. Even though everyone tells me what I did wasn’t even that bad. And that it doesn’t make me who I am. But guess it’s not enough and I’m really running out of options.
Does anyone deal with rumination with their childhood past mistakes. Deep down I know I didn’t know any better but then I start having thoughts and it gets worse after that. I also recently have dealt with death in the family, started my period, started college and just moved to my own apartment this last month. :-/ I genuinely just wish I could let go of my past I feel like I could be a better person for myself mentally if I could just let it go.
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