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same for me I am very imaginative and I like to draw and create stories and characters but now I dont enjoy it as much as I feel like I dont deserve to do things I enjoy cause of the off chance that I am evil its so horrible

Feeling like your thoughts and imagination are being 'tainted' by OCD, and the subsequent need to avoid things you enjoy, sounds incredibly difficult and isolating. Many people with OCD experience similar challenges, especially with mental intrusions sometimes associated with 'Pure O'. It doesn't have to be this way forever. Help is here at NOCD and we can assist you in finding outside help if needed too. Also here are some helpful resources: https://www.treatmyocd.com/blog/overcoming-realistic-fears-in-ocd/

I can really relate to this. There's a lot I saved for later due to not wanting OCD to taint it. When I got out of my first bad episode, I immediately went and did everything lol. But I'm struggling again, and it's been tough. I recently began creating a story and characters (just for fun), but I haven't been able to flesh them out as much as I'd like because I trigger myself very, very easily over the dumbest things and keep needing to take breaks due to it. Still, I try to push myself 🥲 I'm really sorry you're going through this as well. It's so frustrating when we feel like we have to guard our lives and things we enjoy from OCD. But maybe that would be a good exposure for you? Slowly pushing yourself to try and do the things you enjoy, despite OCD. But at the same time, I completely understand what you mean by wanting more precious and meaningful experiences :(