Triggers

I snapped on him today because he did it. I really went off cuz we were having a good time and just got food, the vibe was good(my brother was also with us) and then he tells my brother, "watch this" and yells to me words that triggered the thought and I freakin' lost it and he got all mad that I was upset about it. I told him, "you know how bad that one is, why would you do that? Why do you like to cause me misery and make me upset? I would never purposely do that to you! Why do you like to make me miserable and unhappy?!" And then he just stopped talking to me and refused to eat anymore

@Jinxx.4444 This is called abuse btw - clinically it is

Yeah, I've had this talk multiple times about the severity of it but it just doesn't seem sink in for some reason. I guess it's like they say though,"if he wanted to, he would". It's just really hard letting go of a 10 year long relationship.

@Jinxx.4444 10 years is a long time, I understand. But on a scale of 1-10 how much does it bug you? Sometimes the threat of you not being around is good enough to get someone to change. Couples therapy is also sometimes enough to help the other person realize they’re being foolish. In the grand scheme of things though, people are married for 40 years and still get divorced sometimes. Just because you’ve invested 10 years of your life into a relationship doesn’t mean you’ve wasted your time if you guys break up. Seriously though, if this actually bothers you and causes you a lot of discomfort, try couples counseling. If he’s unwilling to do couples counseling, that’s the biggest red flag on the planet and you shouldn’t waste an 11th year. Just my take without knowing you and more about the situation, but sometimes the simplest takes are the correct answer

I'm 24 and he's 26, we've been together nearly 10 years(it will be in September). And yeah idk why he doesn't get it, I explain time and time again how bad it is and what the condition does to me but he barely takes his own mental health seriously and has some serious trouble with empathy. He's actually matured and grown a lot throughout our relationship but idk if I can handle this anymore.

@Jinxx.4444 - Even if he has trouble with empathy he should be able to recognize "Hey it's wrong to mess with someone's mental illness." unless his own mental health causes him to not be able to recognize that. If you hope to have kids one day what if one of them gets OCD? Will he tease the child? Something to consider.

@amethyst777 I'm pretty sure he can recognize and process empathy, he just doesn't care enough to put in that effort. You're right about my future kids though, they don't exist yet but they matter too much to me for me to put them through that. Thanks for reminding me, it does give me a lot to chew on.

@Jinxx.4444 You’re incredibly young you have barely lived a quarter of your estimated lifespan. When you’re in a long relationship from teenage years you actually both are likely to stay “child-like” and not mature at the rate of others. Not meant as a dis, this is just reality. This guy won’t grow up until you leave, I’ve seen this a lot - actually. You have an entire community of people telling you how bad this is. It’s time to wake up and stop being in your head about it. But also, props to you for being vulnerable and asking complete strangers for advice. You’re way more mature right now than this guy will ever be, I guarantee it

@Anonymous I know you probably won't see this cuz it's taken me a week to respond but I thought I'd respond anyway even if it isn't really necessary. I didn't wait this long because I don't wanna confront this or anything, it's just I've heard it again and again(I know what abuses are happening and when but unfortunately, it doesn't make it easier to deal with just because I understand it) and I've tried so many times to leave(I even got him and dog and a cat to help him not give up when I left and have something to keep him going. I got a new apartment and new job, and new number, but I caved when he cried and let him move with me again) but I have no spine, I'm so easy to persuade, I have actually seen him put in the effort and grow(though rather slowly, growth is still growth) and I feel that he is incredibly reliant on me and it's so hard to leave when I'm worried he'll end up homeless or that he'll hurt himself and even though another person and their actions are not my responsibility, I still will never be able to fight the voice telling me it's my fault, I'm all he has and he's all I had, I don't have family anymore, and he won't try without me, he barely tries with me. Also I'm sorry if you or anyone does read this because it's an impossible situation and I don't expect you to solve it, I guess I just felt the need to explain myself and vent a little. Thanks for taking the time to listen(or read actually lol).

@Jinxx.4444 Hey thank you for sharing this I know it’s not easy to even type out! You are going through literally what millions of young men and women go through - where you think your partner will basically end up homeless and useless without your support. I am here to tell you that you are not unique in this, I know you think your struggles are different from others in this situation but I guarantee they are not that different and share a lot of similarities. I’m in my 30s, I literally can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard your EXACT story. You can’t leave because of emotional guilt. I get it. I’ve been there too. But you gotta ask yourself if you’re really just enabling your boyfriend to be a dependent baby his whole life or if you’re actually helping him (or even if he wants to help himself). You are struggling with your own chronic illness in OCD(I assume?). I could be wrong, but you’re writing on these forums for a reason. You’re going to sink each other’s ships - a woman deserves a man that is mentally strong with or without her. I get that you’re easy to persuade, change is hard especially after being together so long. But this is your inflection point… people are responding to you for a reason. So I really hope you see this as a sign from the universe, or God, or whatever you believe in to find the strength to advocate for your own health. Everyone is responsible for their own health first - including your boyfriend. Saying all this with love and support for your situation

@Anamorice And I’m not just advocating for you to exit the relationship, but you need to stand by and respect your own word. He needs to respect you, but instead you’re actively letting him disrespect you. You went through so much to cut him off and he still sought you out and convinced you to let him move in with you. This cycle will continue forever unless you do something about it. Things just don’t “get better”. The chances of you falling in love at 14 and being with the person you were meant to be with forever are pretty darn low. “As of 2017, the divorce rate for high school sweethearts is 54% within 10 years of marriage, which is drastically higher than the 32% divorce rate for average American couples in that year.” - from spartanshield.org