mom feelings

I feel super sad and depressed i'm tired of feeling so scared it's really changing me. My mom is a pretty difficult person she's a borderline narcissist. Over the years our relationship has changed a lot and recently i've been pretty hard on her because i feel so angry that she's not able to support me mentally in the ways that i need. I see now that she's mentally ill herself and i should be nicer and more understanding. she doesn't know better and she's trying her best. she was just a girl once and i feel bad that i said she lacks a motherly instinct. i love her a lot and i love seeing her laugh and be herself. she's super beautiful and unique and she deserved so much more out of life. I think my ocd makes me super angry towards the people in my life because i know i deserve the love i give. I would be so willing to have a really deep loving conversation with the people close to me yet i get such surface level support.

elizadoolittle

Date posted: 28w

Oof. You are making so much effort to be kind. Most people with narcissistic parents do go through some anger, and your parents’ good intentions don’t negate the effect your childhood had on you. I am coming back from the anger phase where I’ve distanced myself, now to “we needed to have very different paths in life but I still admire you as a person and see you in me.”

ihavehope8937

Date posted: 28w

@elizadoolittle I feel the anger a lot, especially when i start to believe things might be different with her. Our relationship is constantly changing but I always feel the guilt whilst thinking about her life and how she's probably really lonely. My dad cheated and her childhood was horrid, she was unloved how could she pass me the love i need, you know? No one deserves to be alone forever

elizadoolittle

Date posted: 27w

@Annoying_OCD I don’t understand the question

JediMJ

Date posted: 27w

Parent issues. I feel this all deeply and I’m sorry you did not get your needs met and you continue to not get your needs met. Boundaries are important. You don’t have to put up with poor behavior and you can limit your interactions. I felt like I owed my parents everything. I put their needs ahead of mine so much that I didn’t realize I had needs. When I started putting up boundaries, I felt guilty and selfish. But protecting yourself isn’t selfish at all. Your goal doesn’t need to be nicer and more understanding of your mom, but of yourself. It’s not your responsibility to make her feel better. It really isn’t. If you’ve been hard on her, it’s not out of meanness but frustration and maybe resentment. She doesn’t have a motherly instinct. Is she going to bring that up to you in the future and make you feel guilty for saying it? My parents would. It’s not our job to make them feel better about how they raised us. How many times have I heard my father say, sarcastically, “Oh, you had such a terrible childhood!” On the surface, it was fine—but I was emotionally neglected. And I’ve had to re-parent myself. It hasn’t been easy. And I still have work to do. Find people you *can* have deep loving conversations with and who will give you the support you need. Don’t settle for less.

JediMJ

Date posted: 27w

Just want to add that it’s good to see your mom as human and flawed…to have compassion for what she went through. But you went through things too. Is she taking responsibility for her behavior? Is she trying to grow as a person? You obviously are. I hope you start to feel better soon.

B4ll_Tongue26

Date posted: 24w

Bad days idkk

I feel so horrible and guilty, I've been pretty depressed lately and I don't know if i'm doing something wrong or not but my mom keeps getting mad at me, and I keep getting snappy with her. The other day she tried to take a selfie with me and I kinda got mad at her because it was in front of everyone and I didn't want to get anyone uncomfortable if they were accidently in the background so I told her stop in a kind of mean way. She stopped talking to me for the rest of the night and she keeps bringing up how disrespectful I am. I tried to explain to her I didn't mean anything mean by it?? It's triggering my OCD so bad and tonight i'm going to see a band I really wanted to see, and i'm super afraid shes gonna start bringing up how mean i've been lately. I've been really depressed and upset because of school and how much work their giving me, and I've been in my room for mostly more than 10 hours a day doing nothing but watching TV because I can't bring myself out of it, I don't know what to do anymore and the guilt of me possibly being a mean and aggressive person is haunting me.

avantika 🪻

Date posted: 23w

feeling misunderstood

Having ocd is so incredibly exhausting and depressing- my mom and dad argued with me for over an hour talking about how im a pain to be around, go in too many loops, and ruin everything and everyones mood… this conversation started with me saying im stressed out because of school and that i dont want to go because im exhausted- and idk if this is like ocd directly but it takes me like 2 hours to get ready in the morning because i need to look PERFECT and the same everyday literally 😭 and that process feels so exhausting every morning at 6am but i will NOT go to school without going through with it- i will literally be crying and shaking and wanting to go home the minute i get to school if even a single strand of my hair is not perfectly straightened or any blemishes or flaws are showing- and i cant even walk to school or anything bc im scared the humidity will mess with my hair and everything- and it just really affects my life? And yeah its freaking exhausting. And i have two more years of highschool and I dont know if im going to make it 😭i get super stressed over grades too because i need them to be extraordinary otherwise its a fail. Nothing below 95%. And thats also tiring! 😁 and my mom told me today “medication IS NOTTTT AND OPTION!!!” Like oh okay so im just cooked 😭 and therapy isnt really helping me at all- i feel like what im being told is so basic and generic and it doesn’t help me when im in a huge ocd episode- which is often… and what i hate most is like my mom says “don’t come to me with your problems after 6pm…” im sorry i cant schedule my feelings 😭 im so tired

Summ3r_

Date posted: 18w

intense feelings and narcissism ocd

Recently I’ve been getting these very intense episodes of feeling extremely annoyed, irritable and touchy. I start to think narcissistic thoughts like feeling extremely entitled, envious of others and just overall snotty and rude but also horrible about myself. I take everything personal in these moments even though I know it’s stupid to do so. with harm ocd it also makes it 10x worse because they urges are worsened by the anger and intense emotions and sometimes I feel like just crying or this deep pit in my stomach of fear and dispare about the future like where am I heading and who am I becoming? I’ve excessively been on Gemini asking about covert narcissism, because my family disagrees with the idea of me being a narcissist along with my therapist but I just can’t let it go because I actually genuinely believe it. When I want to make things right it feels so self centered and I don’t know the right way to genuinely care about others. Maybe I already do?? I can’t tell if this is all just anger, intense fear and overwhelm, from med changes (went from lexapro to buspar) or processing grief (grandpa died in February) but sometimes I feel even worse because in my head I believe the grief only effects me and I need total attention and care 24/7. and start wondering if this is a subconscious way of thinking for me that I just assume is ocd and anxiety. I feel so tense and when I get in these moments I feel like I’m about to combust, I dissociate, feel like sobbing, isolating, or yelling but can’t tell if it’s all caused from an “ego blow” or something that someone did that made me feel bad about myself and that’s why I feel such high self pity. idk anymore but this feeling is terrifying especially the more I believe I’m a narcissist everything is evidence. I even start wondering what if this is rage, or hatred or resentment? like deep down dark feelings?

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Share your thoughts so the Community can respond

mom feelings

Related posts

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Be a part of the largest OCD Community