Firefly girl
- Date posted
- 21w
Rocd
If anyone’s willing to listen, I’m having a really tough day with Rocd and really need to vent but I don’t feel like I can talk to anyone I know because they don’t understand what it feels like
thissuckbadthissuckbad
- Date posted
- 21w
What’s up?
thissuckbadthissuckbad
- Date posted
- 21w
@DO55 ( i have terrible ROCD)
Firefly girlFirefly girl
- Date posted
- 21w
@DO55 I’ve been talking to this guy on and off for like eight months and I genuinely feel numb right now and I’m like do you even love him do you even care about him because immediately like after our first date at the time I didn’t know it was OCD, but my OCD started coming in and I was distrusting him and questioning lots of things and fixating on the relationship and looking for problems and I just was constantly so focused on it and then at the same time he was avoidant, so there was that problem and it just created a really messy and unhealthy dynamic and and he ended up breaking up with me bc I started fights like multiple days in a row bc of my ocd and I was obviously devastated. I took some time to myself like kind of got over it whatever but then like he reached back out and we started talking and hanging out again and like things are really really good like in person but when we aren’t together I’m constantly over analyzing like if something is missing from the relationship of if he’s truly like the right person for me if he’s truly encompasses everything I need in a partner and like if I’m actually meant to be with him long-term or if he was just meant to help me grow because I am like a spiritual person I do believe in like higher power to some extent so my thought process is am I supposed to be strong and let him go or like am I allowed just like am I allowed to stay with him like I wanna stay with him but I feel shame for that and it’s like he has grown so so much he is no longer avoidant. He treats me amazing. He is so patient with me and so supportive and I genuinely love him so much but at the same time, I just feel intense guilt for having these excessive doubts when someone else is so sure about me and did the work on theirselves to be better for our relationship and I just I don’t know it’s just overwhelming. I don’t really know where to go from here. I just got diagnosed with OCD on Monday too so for a while I didn’t even know it was rocd for sure or what treatment to seek. It’s just hard bc my friends and family saw me deal w his avoidant patterns and the breakup so they’re obviously skeptical and it just makes it even harder bc I want their support, but I’m too scared to even talk to them about it bc I feel like it will just fuel my overthinking even more
AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 21w
@Chronicoverthinker I highly recommend this book: Relationship OCD: A CBT-Based Guide to Move Beyond Obsessive Doubt, Anxiety, and Fear of Commitment in Romantic Relationships by Sheva Rajaee. My other recommendation is to be completely honest and open about WHY you have these doubts with your partner, explain your diagnosis and what ROCD is, and explain that it's not something that is easily controlled or even maintained. My boyfriend and I have been together almost a year, and I was in the same boat as you, he and I both had our own toxic traits in the beginning, and we grew together. But one issue we still have is my OCD. He is so patient and so supportive, but it's important to realize that yes we are constantly torturing ourselves, but our self torture also effects our partners. It's important to recognize how difficult it is for him to deal with as well. But the fact that you are still together means that he continues to choose you and you continue to choose him despite this OCD that torments you. You will have good days and bad, but as long as you are both committed to understanding your illness and growing together, you will be just fine ❤️
Firefly girlFirefly girl
- Date posted
- 21w
@Anonymous Thank you so much💓💓
thissuckbadthissuckbad
- Date posted
- 21w
@Chronicoverthinker I would try to focus on the feelings you have when you’re having a good moment, are those strong? How do you feel? Then compare those to the worry and anxiety. I definitely recommend some ERP even though it sucks
Firefly girlFirefly girl
- Date posted
- 21w
@DO55 Do you recommend finding a therapist who specializes in it? Or are there ways you can do it on your own?
thissuckbadthissuckbad
- Date posted
- 21w
@Chronicoverthinker I think it’s helpful to have someone who specializes in it because there are so many layers to it - I’m sure there are online resources to find too. Basically you lean into the thought and sit in the discomfort for a bit then the goal is next time the discomfort won’t be as bad.
uncertain_Alyuncertain_Aly
- Date posted
- 21w
me too!! rant away about your experience
Firefly girlFirefly girl
- Date posted
- 21w
@briss_alyss I sent a long rant to the other person if u want to read😭😭
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- Date posted
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I am at the point where I feel like I don’t even know myself anymore and have a really hard time explaining my thoughts and feelings. The thought that no one may ever be able to help me or understand me is blazing constant in my head. I don’t know if I will truly ever be happy, the dissatisfaction I have in my life is beyond words and I try to be happy but my mind is so toxic and ungrateful. I feel that I may never understand myself. Have been dealing with extreme intrusive thoughts in regards to my relationship, if my partner is for me, if I am the reason problems come up in my relationship, if I am overly sensitive causing arguments etc. I will have constant thoughts about other people in my head although I have a partner. A hyperactive imagination of others if you will or specific individuals in my life. I have a severely low sex drive. I have also noticed recently that my partner will say things that I don’t like but can’t tell if he’s the problem or if i’m the problem. If I like my partner anymore or if I don’t, can I see him in my future or not. When I am with him I enjoy being with him but there is always a thought in the back of my head of do I just like being around him as a friend because I am lonely or if I truly love them. It’s to the point where I question leaving them or not. My only issue is that I don’t want to leave but at the same time I have trouble feeling emotionally and sexually connected. I even pick at physical imperfections that they may have which to my true beliefs does not matter I will love them otherwise. We recently have been arguing a lot and I can’t tell if I am the problem or he is but it causes me a lot of stress because I feel misunderstood and feel like he wouldn’t understand me unless he was me. It can be hard explaining OCD to him because he is one of those people who loves to self help almost like a life coach, explains to me that anxiety doesn’t exist and that I can help myself or stuff along those lines. It hurts so bad because he doesn’t understand how hard it is for someone with OCD and how him saying things like that only makes it worse and makes me want to turn away from him in a way. I want to feel like I can talk to my partner and that I know for a fact is my true belief. I pray that God will heal me of this terrible disease. I feel I have turned away from the Lord so much because of how alone and misunderstood I feel with what feels like no change. When I’m in public I’ll look at a guy and feel as though because they looked at me back they will think I like them or that I may be interested even though i’m not. I obsess in my head sometimes about real people I know that are kit my partner and have just learned to accept that but it’s still disheartening to me. I understand the concept of being with a partner and still finding other people attractive without obviously doing anything about it and I try to remind myself of that. Please someone tell me this is OCD because the thought of it not is sickening. Another thing I do is compare myself to other girls my age almost that if i’m not as pretty as them im not pretty at all. To whom ever reads this please be very mindful of how you respond because I am triggered very easily. But I am so so lost.
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