hi3456
- Date posted
- 27w
AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 27w
You’re not a rapist in the way people usually mean, which is someone who forces or plans to harm others through sexual acts. You made a plan while sober, which people expect you to be your responsibility, but it’s also understandable you were young and inexperienced as a virgin, you couldn’t have fully understood the risks. You didn’t set out to hurt anyone. It’s painful when realizing the possibility that harm might have happened, but your guilt shows that you care and want to do better. You deserve to heal, learn from this, and keep making better choices moving forward. The label others have given you isn’t a thoughtful or helpful way to guide you, especially since you can't apologize or even know for certain how the other person felt. It's between you and them, and without knowing their experience, you can't fully process it through confrontation or closure. Getting feedback from others can be helpful for refining your life choices, but in the end, they weren’t there, and most people aren’t great at giving advice without judgment. You’re doing the real work by reflecting and trying not to repeat, and that matters.
hi3456hi3456
- Date posted
- 27w
when you say im not a r*pist in the way people mean, does that still make me a r*pist in other ways?
AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 27w
@hi3456 Someone calling you a rapist based on your side of the story feels like a big stretch. It’s similar to people saying I'm "not a real Asian" because I'm born in America while also being told "not a real American" because my parents aren't born here. People may ignore real definitions and just judge based on bias or buzz words. Labels like that shouldn’t erase context or truth. Real predators show entitlement, not remorse, and even if anyone tries to act innocent, no one can keep pretending to be kind just like a kind person can't keep pretending to be mean. Even if their logic or OCD sounds convincing, it ignores real definitions and personal truth. Only those involved truly carry the weight of what happened and how to move forward. Intent matters, and based on what you shared, you didn’t act with harm or malice. You don’t fit the true meaning of a rapist. I've witnessed including myself while sober if the act was actually consensual and had to check in what occurred happened the way I remember it. That's how humans are trying to hold space to care for the other person to make sure we're on the same track or to make any adjustments once. It's not meant to condemn, it's just communication etiquette and learning. Just some people including a consensual party may alter the story whether out of misunderstanding, misguided, malice, or even mentally ill (their brain cannot register the same event the way a video camera does). You will not be the first nor last questioned on your actions no matter how big or miniscule, so forgiveness is more important and better tool for learning than obeying ambiguous "almost". Those who are educated, trained, or experienced still struggle finding proper etiquette because humans be using different languages, complex, and changing rules. Note it's OK to change decisions, not make a boundary and change it after the decision is done. Example of my experience was I was told if a guy buys you dinner he gets to sleep with you, I declined and asked what if I did. He said if he does sleeps with me, it means I'm loose and lied to him being pure (no where did I insinuated this) so I'm supposed to pay back the cash he used for my meal. Rare case but miracles of wonder goes both ways, see great wonders of how great humanity can be and wonder how the heck humans procreate to have reached to witness this interaction. Just like this awful date, treat it as a passing lesson, remember what you want to do and you don't have to remember how it came to be.
OutstandingCutieDisorderOutstandingC...
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 27w
It’s possible to forgive yourself for the events of the past and move forward according to your values without having absolute certainty about what happened. No one can know for sure what took place — so torturing yourself about it serves no one. Moving forward according to your strong ethics values helps you and those around you. Can you imagine a world where you accept uncertainty on the issue and let the past event remind you of your true values going forward?
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- Date posted
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