i randomly started a fear of vomit in 1st grade, i think it was because of a big chaos that happened when someone did it in my school.
i’ve been scared of hearing it, smelling it, seeing it, being around it, hearing about others stories etc. i don’t know if this could be signs of ocd, neither do i know if i’m right to post here.
i can’t eat in public without washing my hands / using hand sanitizer. i wash my hands, then while i wash them, i think about everything i’ve touched, which makes me wash them more. my hands are pretty dry. i can’t touch anything after washing them. not even chairs.
when i sanitize them, i use around 4-5 sprays. then i spray my nails.
i am the worst while travelling. i keep distance from everyone, i hold my breath while walking past people, i can’t touch anyone, and i avoid public bathrooms. i need to make sure everyone at my table sanitize their hands before they eat too. i almost never eat chicken unless my mom or my friends parents has made it, i’m extremely afraid of food poisoning, i barely eat meat (pork, beef), because i can’t trust anything. i always take a plate that looks visibly clean. it can never have dirt/stains. in buffé’s, i have to grab food from the back of the pan/plate.
i dont trust random resturants with 3.6 star in reviews, i need ABOVE 4.2.
i get tons of images in my head of vomit. i have nightmares.
i have this thing where when i play guitar, i NEED to play the part perfect, or else i will be stuck like that unperfectly forever?? i have to do it again and again until its perfect.
every day i have to tell myself «today is good. this food is safe. we are having fun. im super excited.» words like that in my head 24/7 and i even tell myself that while im singing, doing maths in my head which is weird. it takes so much space and i can’t stop. if i get images in my head, i repeat «no, no, no, im healthy», if i don’t, i might get sick.
i cant even go to playgrounds, soft plays, places where many kids are.
im so sorry if this was hard to read. if you are an expert, please tell me if this is something i should talk to a psychiatrist/psychologist about, and if its signs of ocd. thank you.