HOCD or not?

@yiew When it comes to noticing the attractiveness of a man more-so than a woman, this ties both into your excessive porn-watching habit and into the way you were raised. A huge chunk of male social culture involves showing up and doing your best to impress other men. Along this same note, a lot of men are taught through subtext that the attractiveness of a female partner is only as important as it can be used to impress other men. Porn, given that it is a field directed by men that makes its profits off the sexual hobbies of other men, plays into this role very strictly. It is imperative that a sexual experience of the male nature is appropriately conveyed through the video format because it acts as a social queue to the viewers- it is supposed to be relatable to you in a way that heightens your own emotional state so that you feel more satisfied after you finish off. On the other side of the coin, because an appropriate portrayal of the female sexual experience isn’t as necessary to your orgasm and given that it is the shocking and outlandish nature of fantasy that draws people back to and gets people addicted to porn, the way women in porn act is extremely exaggerated and unusual. Their body types can also be exaggerated in porn as a result of plastic surgery and as a symptom of this issue involving women’s depiction in porn. So, for most of your life, the depiction of women that you have

@yiew Seen has not been accurate to life. You have been conditioned to be attracted to this false idea of a woman while you have also been told your whole life that you should be attracted to women. This means that, yes, obviously you will not find real life women attractive. There is no doubt about the fact that you are attracted to women. However, you are obviously addicted to porn. The only way to fix this issue is to stop watching porn and to get out and involve yourself with women in a way that humanizes them to your brain. When it comes to you noticing men more often, that is okay. If you don’t find yourself wanting to hug and cuddle and start a life with a man, I do not believe you are romantically attracted to men either. Your noticing men more often is most likely just a symptom of you living in a society that devalues women and sees them as mentally ‘lesser.’ It is also probably less so but still a symptom of the natural drive of people to asses to resources of other human apes so that you can make an educated decision on whether or not it would be beneficial to make a friendship alliance with them. Yes, attractiveness does play a part in this just as much as it is true that a blonde woman will probably get more compliments and tips working as a barista than a man will. An abundance in the resources of your peers gained by an attractive face will spill over to their friends and family.

@yiew Also, in porn, you’re made to admire the prowess of the man performing sexual acts in order to bolster your own ego as he acts as a stand-in for yourself. Really, though, I feel as if your confusion on whether or not you are gay might stem from a deeper issue. Why would your sexuality be relevant to your living circumstances? Are you afraid of the consequences of being gay or are you afraid of the perception of the people around you changing in a negative was as a result of some perceived insecurity? Often, intense hyper-focuses on these types of prevalent traits are deflections that our minds make from features and traits about ourselves that actually really make us insecure. It could also involve a relationship with someone else that you feel might be sabotaged by you being gay in an alternate universe that you could be afraid of losing, probably because you feel that you feel insecure in this relationship for another reason. I feel it is that specific issue that you should be focusing on working through instead of worrying over whether or not you are gay.