Fuck ocd

@JordTheNord I used to not feel guilty about lying, now i do Btw i say random shit all the time

@noneed1 What’s with the sudden change? Do you wish you could go back? Also, that’s not really random lol and I guess I’m not sure why you told me you say random stuff.

@JordTheNord I mean sometimes i say random stuff without really thinking that's why u didn't get what i was saying at first, but ocd is the sudden change, it made me feel guilty about everything

@noneed1 I understood it was OCD. I’m more interested in how you feel about the change. Like what is OCD making you feel compared to what you didn’t beforehand

@noneed1 Why do you want to lie? Yes “OCD” is making you care I guess now but what is that like for you or the process in why you think it’s bad now? Kind of like why care?

@JordTheNord I don't "think" it's bad, it is bad already, but the process of me realizing it is really complicated i can't really explain it cuz i don't really understand it myself, ocd is weird

@JordTheNord Life was really easy, no overthinking, now everything is a big deal

@noneed1 So before you were lying even though you knew it was bad and now you actually feel bad for doing it because OCD? Sorry, I just make sure I’m on the same page because messaging is harder for me to understand someone plus I’m very integrated in what YOU have to say and not assumptions. Maybe you’re becoming more aware or have a a deeper understanding of what lying actually does or can do to others 🤷🏼‍♂️ but idk if it’s OCD making you feel bad for something you already knew was bad

@noneed1 Ahhh that makes a lot of sense. It’s crazy when we are aware or at the very least use our imagination and consider other possibilities outside of just DOING. It really gets in the way of things. Besides lying, are you saying there are other things that are on your mind now or is it just lying? Because you have a very intelligent unique perspective

@JordTheNord Hey i just wanna make something clear, the lies that i was talking about were all about stupid stuff like where i was late at night, or lying to teachers about assignments or whatever back when i was in school so that's why i didn't make a big deal out of it, but now i do, even if it was a small lie, i lost the ability of lying

@noneed1 That definitely helps. “Lying” and even the word itself can either be misused and or in context very trivial (varies person to person) clearly you can see this yourself which is why I stand by my statement you come across as very unique and intelligent. So you lost the ability to even do a “small” lie. Why? How does even telling a small lie make you feel now?

@JordTheNord Yeah a lot changed actually, I think everything has changed, literally everything, I’m a completely different person now, I used to be an extremely extroverted person with a lot of friends, Now I’m extremely introverted person with no friends, I barely even talk to my family even tho I live with them, My situation is extremely complicated, and I’ve never met, seen, or heard of anyone who’s gone through the same experience as me

@JordTheNord Omg thank u!, i simply can't, as soon as i lie my face turns red and i sweat and my thoughts get extremely loud and i feel like i'm fainting

@noneed1 That is quite the experience! How do you feel about it or even any thoughts on the experience? I can understand if you feel lonely not knowing someone else having the same experience but I’d love to hear how you feel

@noneed1 Honestly, thank so much for sharing. So clearly your thoughts are giving physical symptoms (those fucking suck lol). What are the loud thoughts? Also, what do you think could be a benefit and a hindrance from being unable to lie?

@JordTheNord It sucks man, i miss my old self

@noneed1 I bet. That’s really rough. Change. Unknown territory. A side of you you had no idea even existed on top of the experience on how you even this “new” you came into existence.

@JordTheNord (hey after typing this I realized that i went off topic many times, sorry about that!) I don't remember the loud thoughts but it's like many people are screaming in my head, benefits? Yay i can't lie anymore!!!, hindrances? I lost the ability of communicating with people cuz for some reason my brain thinks that I'm lying about everything, and that everyone thinks that i'm a liar and a bad person, lemme tell you an example that happened yesterday, i was taking an exam at college and the whole time i was sweating cuz my brain kept telling me that the professor will think that I'm cheating on the exam(i wasn't cheating), this happens everytime, and i was scared to hand my paper to him cuz then he would notice the fear on my face and think that i was cheating, I'm sorry if this is complicated, i don't get it myself, (btw i tried cheating on my test like a year and a half ago and the professor suspected it but didn't say anything so when i went home my dumbass decided to confess her attempt on cheating to the professor! Spoiler alert, he gave me a D! Ofc) this event REALLY effected my mental health and i still get scared that he might do something or get me kicked out and i still regret opening my big ass mouth!

@noneed1 I don’t think you went off topic at all lol. Thanks for caring though. Yea that is paralyzing to be in constant fear of what if ppl think we are lying and just the constant train of thought of we are lying and cheating when we are clearly not. Very understandable that yours happened based on a real event when you actually did cheat. We are not perfect though and doesn’t mean we won’t make the same mistakes but maybe it’s a very intense and not helpful way for you to take accountability and be honest with your actions? Obviously I don’t recommended the constant state of “you’re lying right now” and “ppl are going to keep thinking I’m lying because of how I’m behaving or what if they’re just suspicious anyways”. I dealt with this in my childhood. I would constantly think what if I’m lying and not being honest or I did something or had an intrusive thought and felt ashamed so I’d tell on myself so I wouldn’t get praise or at least ppl knew who I was. Not exactly maybe what you’re going through but I was always compulsive to tell on myself or create scenarios that didn’t happen then since I wasn’t sure they happened (they actually didnt) I’d tell on myself to be safe. I felt so guilty