I can't take hocd anymore , i just want to cry

How does it get better?

Mine started really badly 5 months ago. But I feel like I've always had it lingering on and off for about 5 years

I stalked a lesbian couple page once cuz the girl was pretty and saw comments saying how they’ve left their bf/ husbands for women and it scared me that that was a real thing that can happen which terrified me just cuz idk. It got out in my brain. And then a little after that my coworkers bf made a joking comment about me and her being lesbian together and then I had a friend stay over and I had such a weird random thought seeing her in my bed if I could ever be with a girl. And then I got laser hair removal done and a new girl started doing the hair on my parts doen there lol and I was like wtf I don’t get this area done. And that was what sent it off full force. Such weird things and encounters. And I had never thought of my friend that way before and now it terrifies me to be around her. I get literally my heart racing and qheezy

@Ocdandme123 Omg this is my absolute worst fear ????

@NocturnalGyal Which part of it? Haha

@Ocdandme123 Leaving my man for a woman. I'm so so so scared. It's why I'm a hot mess right now

@NocturnalGyal Yeah it’s why I am too. I seriously planned my whole life with him and it scares me this is God’s way of telling me I’m not suppose to be with him or something. Or gods way of telling me I’m gonna end up with a girl. I cry every day thinking about leaving my bf

@Ocdandme123 SAME omg! It all just feels so real. Like my mind is litterally working against the things I want in my life :(. He's my everything and I don't want anyone else but my mind is just so against it

@NocturnalGyal I don't have HOCD but I have same unreasonable fear: that I'll one day decide to leave my partner for somebody else. Which is crazy because I'm literally not even remotely interested in doing something like that, quite the opposite. But I just have these random thoughts, like "but WHAT IF I wake up one day and I'm not in love with him? What will I do?? I don't want that to ever happen!"

@ilshid Yeah I have that fear too! It's absolutely horrible and makes me feel so guilty ??

@NocturnalGyal IRL... And then I feel guilty FOR FEELING GUILTY! It goes like "I'm so fortunate and my life is great, my partner is amazing, I haven't done anything bad and don't intend to. So why do I feel guilty? Maybe I know deep inside that I would hurt him and that's why I'm guilty in advance". Writing that now that I feel ok makes me see how unreasonable that is, but when it happens I can't help but panic and feel like shit...

@ilshid *IKR

@ilshid Yes! This is me! Before I got hocd. I always had a guilty feeling lingering within me because I felt as though I was gonna ruin something so good and that I didn't deserve him ? clearly I got some self esteem issues I need to acknowledge ?

@NocturnalGyal Hm it was different for me, I had no feelings of guilt before and my self esteem was great. It seems like our brains take great situations and just twist them into an unrecognizable mess and then tells us that WE want it to become like that when we don't

Mine started when I was looking at memes on Instagram or something and I found one meme relatable and then I realized the meme was about being trans...stupid I know

Acknowledge that the thought crossed your mind but don't do anything about it. Don't try to chase it away or convince yourself it's not true. Just don't act. The idea is that you'll eventfully show your brain that it's not a "threat" to you so it doesn't need to active the fight or flight response. Are you having bad thoughts about a specific person or all people of a certain gender?