Bless your heart. You sound just like me a few years ago. I had a LONG standing obsession with the fear of herpes. I would examine my lady parts for hours hovering over a mirror and i would take pictures of " small red spots" that i saw and send them to my best friend ( yea we are close lol) and she would always say " i don't see anything" but i just took that as " well she must be lying to me to make me feel better." I googled non-stop and am now a bit of an expert on herpes hahah. I did eventually get over that fear so let me try to help you out.
#1. DO NOT GOOGLE anything concerning your OCD fears. just about everything you find online is going to be a worse case scenario. Yes, its true, herpes can be asymptomatic but it is spread either right before an outbreak/during ( which usually an active outbreak is too painful to have sex during) or immediately afterwards. your symptoms you describe don't really fit herpes tho. itching alone is not herpes. Herpes is a painful rash that will turn into fluid filled blisters that will then rupture and scab and heal. It is 100% possible to manifest physical symptoms if you are worried about them ( if you are worried about herpes, you will manifest that itching you are describing). I would not get tested and here is why. Most doctors wont even test for it because #1- yes, the false positive rate is very high, #2, having antibodies doesn't mean anything. it doesn't mean you are infectious. I spoke to my OBGYN about this and she said " we usually don't test, we make a diagnosis based on if we see the blisters."
Oral herpes is a different virus that genital herpes and while it is possible to transmit oral to genital, its not common. I have oral herpes, i get a break out once every few years. I give my husband oral sex ALL THE TIME. he has never gotten it, he hasn't even gotten oral herpes from me. I will tell you, i always know when I'm about to have a sore, i get a numb, hot, tingly( not an itch) feeling on my lip the day before the sore pops up. I just put some cream on it and ride it out. Not a big deal. I also have several friends who have genital herpes. Most have had one break out and never had it again, all of them have relationships and their partners know they have it. it doesn't bother them. We are in our mid 30s, usually the older you get, the less these things bother you. When you break it down, herpes is nothing more than an annoying skin condition that gets a bad wrap because of where it shows up. No one bats an eye when people spread flu germs back and forth, its only because its associated with sex.
Here is another fun fact about me. Last year, i tested positive for HPV. iv been married for 3 years. My OBG said it likely was dormant in me for 10 years and it just popped up probably due to some significant stress i was under at the time. I asked her what i should do about it, she said nothing, it will likely clear on its own in 1-2 years. So i sit here typing to you while actively having an STI... and i couldn't care less. My husband also knows about it and says " well, guess i have it too lol." And he is right, he probably has it now too because of me. We don't care. HPV can lead to genital warts and cervical cancer.. herpes leads to..... usually a life of nothing with maybe one or 2 outbreaks every few years ( and there is a medication that suppresses it).
Long story short. Your true issue is not herpes, or even the fear of it, no one WANTS it but statistically speaking a LOT of people have it, and its just not a big deal. your issue is OCD and i imaging you are doing a lot of compulsions to try to ease your anxiety. Those need to stop if you want to get this OCD in check. My advice? no testing necessary, no celibacy necessary. Use condoms with casual sex, they help protect against it. STOP googeling, it will only make more more anxious. is there a possibility you have herpes? sure, but there is also an equal ( and probably larger possibility) that you don't.
