I’m having hitman ocd thoughts and I feel like I’m gunna google how to hire a hitman UGH so it feels like I’m gunna type that and I can’t use google so as erp I’m using google but this is fucked
Don’t worry. You can’t hire a hitman from google even if you actually wanted to lol
Perfect that you’re using Google anyways!! That’s a wonderful start :) Proud of you for being brave and taking these first steps to try out treatment 👏 Googling is part of the “exposure” portion of ERP (even having the intrusive thought is an exposure). Now time for the most important step which is the “response prevention portion.” This is where we refrain from seeking reassurance about the exposure, ruminating about it, and confessing the specific intrusive thoughts you are having (which it sounds like you might be confessing and seeking reassurance in this post)
@OneDayAtATimee Tbh I just wanna give up on life
@ocdsuxxx Aww :,( Why? You are already taking the first steps and that’s amazing! 🙏 Also, you’ve barely started ERP so that process hasn’t had any time to take effect. ERP physically changes your brain through neuroplasticity. Trust the process and be patient with it. It helps ❤️🩹
@OneDayAtATimee I just feel like a bad person even now my brother ignored my text and I’m having harm thoughts I don’t deserve to be here
@ocdsuxxx Millions of people are going though the exact same thing you’re going through right now ❤️ You are a special person but what you’re going through is not special at all 😄 Your hitman thoughts are no different from the ones I had. If I can get through it- anyone can! It’s just that you have to work on self-compassion, ACT (accept you have harm ocd), do research on harm ocd, attend the Harm ocd support groups, and keep working on ERP (preferably with an ERP therapist because they will tell you what ERP mistakes you are making). I promise you that life returns back to normal, as if this OCD episode didn’t happen, when you do all the steps necessary. You already have the key out of this disorder 🔑 That is HUGE because we know exactly the way out of OCD! The only missing step is to use it :) 👍
@OneDayAtATimee Thank u for being there for me girl!!! I just hate how they manifest into more thoughts and it feels like I’m seconds from acting on it! It’s sooooo scary I’m trying to accept the thoughts and let them pass it’s just really hard ! But knowing u got past this hitman thought really helps ! I wanna try therapy on this app but I. Heard it’s very expensive
@ocdsuxxx You’re so very welcome I’m glad I can help in some way :) I try my best because I remember how isolating harm Ocd felt. When I first experienced it, I didn’t even know what it was making me have these repetitive murderous thoughts and I didn’t even know about this community!! 😅 It felt like I was losing my mind and that I was the only one experiencing this. So I’m happy others like you were fortunate enough to know what you were dealing with, much much earlier than I was able to 👏❤️ Ocd is extremely annoying in that it branches off into a million different thoughts. So the hitman thought was just one of many for me lol 😆 I’ve had wayyyy more things in my head than that, trust me 😂 But the distress and intensity of the thoughts go away severely with ERP. It is a shame how expensive healthcare is :/ I agree. Perhaps your insurance can cover it? Or you can just do one session a week instead of the recommended twice a week. If a therapist isn’t an option at all, you should still do ERP but on your own and start out easy (like using Google). I only stress ERP because OCD doesn’t go away on its own- ERP is used because you have to change your behaviors for your brain to physically change. Without compulsions, OCD is starved Regardless- never ever lose hope that you can be treated. There are ppl who had OCD their whole lives, who they started ERP treatment in their 70’s- but they STILL recovered
@OneDayAtATimee I have no insurance :( ughhhh I wish they would make it more affordable. Even free like it’s not fair we have this mental illness ! And thank u girl 💜
@ocdsuxxx I totally agree with you :( So sorry to hear. I was thinking the same thing recently that healthcare shouldn’t be a luxury. We should all be able to have access to it to be able to live normal and happy lives
so I need to get back into ERP, but it’s so hard to manage these thoughts and learn to deal with them. like I swear my mind has to make everything about it. Like every time I clean my room, my mind’s like yup make sure it’s clean so when your parents find you, or something so stupid like if I get a headache, my mind convinces me that I like the pain and that that’s why I get my thoughts because I actually want to do it. It’s so exhausting. Because I know I would never want to take my life and I treasure my life so why does it do it to me? It’s hard to comprehend the fact of these thoughts too because I don’t know many people with this exact theme. It’s such a scary feeling. And I’m constantly questioning whether I have actual depression or if it’s just my OCD. Yes I have been diagnosed with suicidal OCD, but my mind still tries to convince me otherwise. I just don’t know how to let these just sit and pass without panicking.
Idk anymore it feels like being on here is a trigger. Every time I see a minor post on the app, my intrusive thoughts go haywire and then my brain says maybe you should comment something inappropriate and i literally don't wanna fucking do that. It's the last thing I want to do. And now im scared that I commented something crude on someone's post. obviously, when I went to check there was nothing now my brain is saying "you commented and then deleted". I want to think it's something I wouldn't do, but why are the images in my head so real. Children should be safe. I feel like I need to be locked away. Someone please help me.
I’ve tried living in the uncertainty today & kept myself busy but I can’t shake this feeling that I’m about to lose control & act on my thoughts. I keep feeling like I need to check in to see how I feel & keep my self safe & when I’m near my trigger it feels like I’m being pulled into doing it & feels like I want to but I’m not using compulsions. My thoughts feel like my own & feeling like I’ll be like this forever. Can someone relate or give advice 😩
Share your thoughts so the Community can respond
