I feel screwed

so its been three days now its it really bad, Im trying to just "tolerate and allow the feelings to be here for as long as it wants," not fixing it, not figuring it out, just allowing it to be a cloud raining on me while im doing my thing, but it doesnt work!! It gives me these intesne, loud, real feeelings that make me feel like i am gay and that I just need to accept it. Like its the hyperfocusing that I cant control that makes me focus on the feelings when im trying to do something else, allowing it to be there but still doing my own thing however Im still paying attention to the feeling, and the thoughts feel intense, and its like this ALLLL DAY, for three days straight. I dont know what to do anymore, because ERP doesnt seem to be working.

Love1another<3

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 13w

Is it possible that there’s any accidental compulsions you’re doing without noticing? Possibly monitoring your feelings and fixating on when you will feel better? I find that wishing for the anxiety to go away is often a compulsion, because you’re trying to rush fast relief, which re-enforces to OCD that there’s a threat Also, resisting compulsions often feels worse before it feels better. This is a normal experience and does decrease in time

Anonymous

Date posted: 13w

Ok if there is anything, maybe I'm(without even noticing like it's automatic without control) checking on my feelings like, keep seeing if it's there or not, or if it will fade away or not? Basically what you said monitoring my feelings

Anonymous

Date posted: 13w

And yeah idk right nowy OCD is spiked up and the feelings feel so real and true like "I'm actually gay and accepted it" feeling and have been freaking out all day because it doesn't feel like anxiety but feels super real

Love1another<3

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 13w

@Anonymous I would try to treat it as a game: try to continue to push yourself to see how long you can go without (purposefully) doing compulsions. Can you last another 3 days? 6 more days? Etc. And if you reach your goal, treat yourself to some delicious ice cream to celebrate :) Do whatever you enjoy 👍

Anonymous

Date posted: 13w

@OneDayAtATimee Ok, ok and while I'm doing that how do I deal with the hyperfocus, because sadly I'm going to check on the feelings without even trying unfortunately, and I feel like the hyperfocus is the biggest compulsion and the biggest problem for me? Should I start thinking about medicatio

Love1another<3

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 13w

@Anonymous Understandable! I know deep down all of us would love for the anxiety to go away as soon as possible because OCD is such a painful disorder ❤️‍🩹 About medication, that’s totally up to you! And your treatment could also depend on if you have any other diagnosis like ADHD, which I don’t know. But for OCD I typically don’t recommend medication unless for severe cases because medication comes with its own side effects and can often interfere with the anxiety we need to habituate to with the ERP process. But for other people with severe cases, they feel it’s too hard to even start the ERP process and so medication may take the edge off for them and motivate them a bit more to do ERP. Then, they try to wean off of their medication while they continue to do ERP. I think the answer depends on you and what your therapist may have to say (if you have one). ERP takes time to feel relief so I think for now, since it’s only been 3 days and everything is still fresh, I think it’s good to wait out this process longer. You should see if you start to notice any effects happening from ERP before you begin to make any big changes- medication wise

Anonymous

Date posted: 13w

Ok, maybe I start using just supplements than

Luke_McElwee

Date posted: 25w

Losing my shit, freaking out

Idk if this post is even worth it but it seemed like a normal day for me, called off work due to the weather so I get to just stay home and play games all day. Easy day besides dealing with the constant and unbearable battle with my intrusive thoughts/feelings. Took a shower and I just had constant thoughts, (heart palpitations are pretty constant) ended up breaking down and bawling my eyes out. I was diagnosed with HOCD and ROCD about 2 months ago and since it's just gotten worse. It feels as real as it can get and after talking to my girlfriend about the anxiety attack, it feels even more real. I have no desire or enjoyment from what comes from my brain, and at this point I'm on my knees begging the big man upstairs for my old life back, how do I go from being obsessed with women (sexually and emotionally) to pretty much doing a 180 overnight (with the obvious anxiety and worry behind it. No real desire obviously). I'm just at a loss, I've done a little ERP and it seemed to help with the brain fog but besides that, everything that it does to someone, I have. And again there's the doubt I even have OCD and I'm in straight denial. It just sucks.

Anonymous

Date posted: 22w

What the HECK?

what the hell? this entire day ive been trying to do ERP right? allowing the thoughts feelings, sensations be there with very little reaction, saying"oh that's a thought", "that's a feeling" don't care" etc. But it seems to be making it 100x times worse. Like its impossible to just"ignore" it, it feels so freaking real as if this was the truth, the doubts are real, the false attraction feelings and lip sensations are REAL and genuine attraction, feels ego-synotic, its impossible just to ignore or move on from it because I think I'm so hyperfocused on it all so it last the whole day. IDK right now it feels and seems as if I lost? like its not a what if but it feels factual like"I'm naturally gay, I'm gay" and it feels like normal and become ok with that. But I don't want that I don't want to be gay.

Anonymous

Date posted: 14w

Recovery not working

so right now my HOCD feels EXTREMELY LOUD AND STRONG, ive been trying nonstop today stating how im allowing to feel all the thoughts and feelings and let them be here for as long as they want and not figure it out, engage with it, just allowing it to be here all day long if it wants, and it has, but the EXTREME hyperfocus is there and it feels so real and feels so loud and strong that im focusing on it and trying to move on to others but cant. Ive been trying say only once that"Its just my OCD, these thoguths feelings, sensations and doubts are not me, im going to allow it to stay here as long as it can" but that doesnt work, its like as if im full of shit and i know it. ive been trying to just saying"oh well" or "cool" not caring, but im still hyperfocus on it, wtf?

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